It's starting to get exhausting that I treat people that are to close to me not all! stop talking to me. I self sabotaged the relationship with my boyfriend. I broke up with him and I regret it. I was so mean and said he never did anything for me, love me or care for me. I can tell he is starting to loose feelings for me and is numb. I don't think he wants to be with me anymore and I really want too cry. Like why am I being like this?
I can never tell when I'm being manipulated or if someone actually loves me. It's just a lot going on in my mind and I believe everything is fault or I am not able to be loved and it shows. I just feel alone and so mad I have to deal with this the rest of my life. I really wonder what it feels like if my mind didn't wonder the way it does, l'll probably be in a happier relationship...My life is just so sad
u/BrickAwkward4811
It's starting to get exhausting that I treat people that are to close to me not all! stop talking to me. I self sabotaged the relationship with my boyfriend. I broke up with him and I regret it. I was so mean and said he never did anything for me, love me or care for me. I can tell he is starting to loose feelings for me and is numb. I don't think he wants to be with me anymore and I really want too cry. Like why am I being like this?
I can never tell when I'm being manipulated or if someone actually loves me. It's just a lot going on in my mind and I believe everything is fault or I am not able to be loved and it shows. I just feel alone and so mad I have to deal with this the rest of my life. I really wonder what it feels like if my mind didn't wonder the way it does, l'll probably be in a happier relationship...
| literally feel like shit I'm about to get my favorite milkshake and get 🍃 which is the only thing that keeps me calm It's coming to a point where I'm
starting to feel alone due to no one understanding me. I feel like I come off to everyone as weird (literally my whole life) because they don't believe me when I say what my mental health is. They think I use it as an excuse which hurts my feelings so much but yk I'm here another day right....
We got into this huge argument a couple days ago which made me feel like I had to break up with him. We was on the phone I was clearing out my photos gallery due to having a lot of pictures and videos. I sent him my favorite photos while doing so and he proceeded to say did you mean to send that to me and I told him that yeah I just felt like spamming his phone. Then he says are you sending it to someone else and using me as a cover up to say I sent it to him by mistake. Which had me super confused unless he was really insecure due to us being in a floppy spot or I don’t know. Then he said I don’t care about the situation and I can do whatever I want because he will always be good. That make me feel awful because we were together at the time….. so I broke up with him and cursed him out due to him lacking on my love language due to a new job opportunity because he doesn’t make much honestly so I gave him so grace and explained I’m here supporting you and this hurts.
Got into this huge argument and he wrote me the next day wanting to take me to the movies and out to eat and then surprised me with flowers. He probably did this due to how offended I was due to the statement he made and maybe he reflected idk. So we are laying down on his bed after the date and he couldn’t sleep and honestly as soon as I laid down he was brick hard. I saw but I’m like I don’t know if I want too have sex after everything but I honestly did. Eventually I gave in he was kissing me so passionately like he was craving having sex with me like grinding on me , moaning in my ear and literally his tongue down my throat.
After I started getting turned on I sat on his face and we started to 69. If I’m being honest everything was so amazing. The last time we had sex was April 25 and then today. Once we were done I got a warm towel to clean him up cause it was a lot left over on his side. When I’m cleaning I see like a scratch I thought it was a bump at first then I asked him what it is was and it looked like a paper cut he touched it and said it doesn’t hurt or anything. Then in my head I’m thinking of multiple ways he could’ve got that and the only thing that came to my mind some acrylics. I haven’t got my nails done for a few months but I can’t understand how he can get tell me he didn’t know how that got there or happened. His parents were coming over so he called me a uber his mom usual comes over on Sunday to help him meal prep. I see him get up and put the sweater he wore yesterday in the closet and also a sweater I haven’t seen before. Honestly he probably had that sweater because he has a lot of hoodies but it felt a little off. He maybe was just cleaning up but I can’t really tell the vibe.
I am an over thinker so now I’m thinking are you projecting on me? Did you have sex with someone else? Like how is there a tiny slit/ irritation and now you see it. Don’t get me wrong it was on the other side so we would have to flip it and see and honestly I didn’t even check how long his nails were in case he was wanking at some point and cut his self. I really don’t know how to feel but I know he loves me a lot but honestly I have trust issues so it’s a lose lose situation.