u/BillieBurger

My partner (M33) and I (F30) have been together for almost 5 years, we welcomed our beautiful baby boy to the world in November. In December (I was around 5-weeks post partum) I was on his computer and found messages to a woman, they were very flirty, trying to arrange a date but fizzled out - they were dated in September when I was around 8 months pregnant (I was due October he arrived early Nov) actually a day after our baby shower.

I was distraught and totally heart broken, for context my partner has always made it very clear, and almost a part of his core personality and values that he’s faithful - his dad lived a double life cheating on his mum, when she found out he fathered 2 other children they split and it ended violently.

I moved to my mums for a week, and when we spoke about it he insisted it was an isolated event, he was totally mortified and put it down to a moment of madness. Ultimately I forgave him and came back with conditions, one of which was knowing my boundaries, flirting and messaging other woman is crossing a line.

A week or so ago, on a whim, I decided to go through his phone and found countless flirty messages on instagram, organising dates, meeting girls for lunches etc. I decided to message the girls, they of course were mortified, 2 of which had met him for lunch, the most recent one being 2 months ago. 

I told his female cousin who is like a sister to him, I sent her the screenshots hoping she would talk some sense into him. She came over to ‘mediate’ a conversation between us, she said we both need to listen to eachother and I need to listen to his side and why he does it. He said since I’ve had our baby I’ve been ‘mean’ to him, and coming home to a messy house makes him act ‘out of character’. I asked him if he’s ever taken it any further than messages and going to these lunches, he said no, and swore on our baby’s life he has never and would never.

I of course was heart broken again and mortified, he slept at his friends house for a couple of days so I could process what was happening. While he was away I went on his ipad - I wanted the FULL picture of who he is behind my back.

I found videos of him having sex with other women, the last one was in July - I was 6 months pregnant. I found hundreds and hundreds of screenshots of women's pictures on Instagram. I found videos of him sleeping with women at their houses, videos of a women in a hotel getting ready, a picture of a girl sitting at the end of our bed. I saw from the app store he had downloaded at some point during our relationship Hinge, Tinder, Feeld.

He tried to lie saying the dates were wrong, he later came clean and said they’re right. I’ve left with my 6 month old son, we’re now homeless and bouncing between my sister’s (1 bed) and my mums retirement flat (1 bed). I’m in the process of asking the council for help (UK based), I’m still on maternity leave, trying to get back into work as well, I’m so stressed I don’t even know what to do. 

He’s adamant he’s going to change even if it takes months, he says he loves me so much and our family and will do anything for us to come back, I know lots of women who have taken their partners back, is this something we can work through, he’s betrayed me so much I just don’t know. Is the best thing for my son to be a family? We have no men in my side of the family and he needs men around him. I don’t know what to do. I feel I will never be the same again, I never thought he would be like this. I feel so traumatised and so stuck.

My partner (M33) and I (F30) have been together for almost 5 years, we welcomed our beautiful baby boy to the world in November. In December (I was around 5-weeks post partum) I was on his computer and found messages to a woman, they were very flirty, trying to arrange a date but fizzled out - they were dated in September when I was around 8 months pregnant (I was due October he arrived early Nov) actually a day after our baby shower.

I was distraught and totally heart broken, for context my partner has always made it very clear, and almost a part of his core personality and values that he’s faithful - his dad lived a double life cheating on his mum, when she found out he fathered 2 other children they split and it ended violently.

I moved to my mums for a week, and when we spoke about it he insisted it was an isolated event, he was totally mortified and put it down to a moment of madness. Ultimately I forgave him and came back with conditions, one of which was knowing my boundaries, flirting and messaging other woman is crossing a line.

A week or so ago, on a whim, I decided to go through his phone and found countless flirty messages on instagram, organising dates, meeting girls for lunches etc. I decided to message the girls, they of course were mortified, 2 of which had met him for lunch, the most recent one being 2 months ago. 

I told his female cousin who is like a sister to him, I sent her the screenshots hoping she would talk some sense into him. She came over to ‘mediate’ a conversation between us, she said we both need to listen to eachother and I need to listen to his side and why he does it. He said since I’ve had our baby I’ve been ‘mean’ to him, and coming home to a messy house makes him act ‘out of character’. I asked him if he’s ever taken it any further than messages and going to these lunches, he said no, and swore on our baby’s life he has never and would never.

I of course was heart broken again and mortified, he slept at his friends house for a couple of days so I could process what was happening. While he was away I went on his ipad - I wanted the FULL picture of who he is behind my back.

I found videos of him having sex with other women, the last one was in July - I was 6 months pregnant. I found hundreds and hundreds of screenshots of women's pictures on Instagram. I found videos of him sleeping with women at their houses, videos of a women in a hotel getting ready, a picture of a girl sitting at the end of our bed. I saw from the app store he had downloaded at some point during our relationship Hinge, Tinder, Feeld.

He tried to lie saying the dates were wrong, he later came clean and said they’re right. I’ve left with my 6 month old son, we’re now homeless and bouncing between my sister’s (1 bed) and my mums retirement flat (1 bed). I’m in the process of asking the council for help (UK based), I’m still on maternity leave, trying to get back into work as well, I’m so stressed I don’t even know what to do. 

He’s adamant he’s going to change even if it takes months, he says he loves me so much and our family and will do anything for us to come back, I know lots of women who have taken their partners back, is this something we can work through, he’s betrayed me so much I just don’t know. Is the best thing for my son to be a family? We have no men in my side of the family and he needs men around him. I don’t know what to do. I feel I will never be the same again, I never thought he would be like this. I feel so traumatised and so stuck.

My partner (M33) and I (F30) have been together for almost 5 years, we welcomed our beautiful baby boy to the world in November. In December (I was around 5-weeks post partum) I was on his computer and found messages to a woman, they were very flirty, trying to arrange a date but fizzled out - they were dated in September when I was around 8 months pregnant (I was due October he arrived early Nov) actually a day after our baby shower.

I was distraught and totally heart broken, for context my partner has always made it very clear, and almost a part of his core personality and values that he’s faithful - his dad lived a double life cheating on his mum, when she found out he fathered 2 other children they split and it ended violently.

I moved to my mums for a week, and when we spoke about it he insisted it was an isolated event, he was totally mortified and put it down to a moment of madness. Ultimately I forgave him and came back with conditions, one of which was knowing my boundaries, flirting and messaging other woman is crossing a line.

A week or so ago, on a whim, I decided to go through his phone and found countless flirty messages on instagram, organising dates, meeting girls for lunches etc. I decided to message the girls, they of course were mortified, 2 of which had met him for lunch, the most recent one being 2 months ago. 

I told his female cousin who is like a sister to him, I sent her the screenshots hoping she would talk some sense into him. She came over to ‘mediate’ a conversation between us, she said we both need to listen to eachother and I need to listen to his side and why he does it. He said since I’ve had our baby I’ve been ‘mean’ to him, and coming home to a messy house makes him act ‘out of character’. I asked him if he’s ever taken it any further than messages and going to these lunches, he said no, and swore on our baby’s life he has never and would never.

I of course was heart broken again and mortified, he slept at his friends house for a couple of days so I could process what was happening. While he was away I went on his ipad - I wanted the FULL picture of who he is behind my back.

I found videos of him having sex with other women, the last one was in July - I was 6 months pregnant. I found hundreds and hundreds of screenshots of women's pictures on Instagram. I found videos of him sleeping with women at their houses, videos of a women in a hotel getting ready, a picture of a girl sitting at the end of our bed. I saw from the app store he had downloaded at some point during our relationship Hinge, Tinder, Feeld.

He tried to lie saying the dates were wrong, he later came clean and said they’re right. I’ve left with my 6 month old son, we’re now homeless and bouncing between my sister’s (1 bed) and my mums retirement flat (1 bed). I’m in the process of asking the council for help (UK based), I’m still on maternity leave, trying to get back into work as well, I’m so stressed I don’t even know what to do. 

He’s adamant he’s going to change even if it takes months, he says he loves me so much and our family and will do anything for us to come back, I know lots of women who have taken their partners back, is this something we can work through, he’s betrayed me so much I just don’t know. Is the best thing for my son to be a family? We have no men in my side of the family and he needs men around him. I don’t know what to do. I feel I will never be the same again, I never thought he would be like this. I feel so traumatised and so stuck.