u/Biffs_bunny

I know avoidant discards are a notorious thing. But it’s like… everything was perfect. We’ve been living together for 8 months.

We get along so well. No petty negativity. No drama.
We have never had like an angry fight, disagreements? Sure, but even that is so rare.
I take care of him so well. I make him food 90% of the time cuz I love caring for him, I give him massages, back scratches to sleep, massaged his feet, I give him time every single night to game with friends with no complaints the vast majority of the time, I make the lists for things we need to buy, we split chores and finances. I’ve made him soup when he wasn’t well, bought things for him, I take care of him when he has frequent headaches. I made him handmade flowers and a card and a cake and set up the house for his birthday. I’ve never raised my voice at him, called him mean things, or done anything to hurt him. I compliment him every single day, I’m very sexually actively and open. I just.. I don’t understand what he’s lacking so badly that he would want anyone else. 🥺 all that, and yet, he still isn’t/wasn’t happy.

We’re like best friends. Every day is a relaxed, laid back day. We laugh together, tease/annoy each other, cuddle and just have such pleasant days. And then boom. ‘I just want to be with other people.’

He switches back and forth between loving me and not being sure if he does.

I feel completely crushed. I used to think I was anxious but I don’t think I am. I don’t pester him about where he is, I don’t obsessively text or call, I don’t think I am. I think being in a relationship where I’ve always felt unwanted has made me anxious.

At the same time, he does love me/care for me a LOT. In his own, strange way. I know everyone is gonna say, I should leave. But, I wanna give this one last shot. I don’t wanna give up on him.

How do I work with him on understanding himself, and how do I regulate myself in the meantime?

I feel like I’ve been broken into a million pieces by the one person I love more than anything. The person who was supposed to protect me.

TLDR: My (25f) bf (25M) is avoidant. He wants to see other people and I guess end things but we decided to try for a few more months. How can we work on improving his avoidance and how can I do better at regulating myself (dealing with heartbreak)?

My bf and I take the same class, but his is before mine. Everyday I’d go to school early with him, and I’d notice he was always looking at this one girl in his class, his posture would change when she was around, etc.
I started feeling insanely insecure, hurt, and almost a little depressed and I’d frequently skip my class to go home with him. I don’t know why, I just felt so awful in that moment I couldn’t stand having to attend a class I don’t even like with that on my mind.

It wasn’t in my head, he admitted he finds her attractive and looks.

Anyway, I could have been doing way better in that class than I am. I’m ashamed. I feel pathetic and weak and foolish.

I know I can’t blame him, I’m the one who made that choice. But I resent him for making me feel that way.

Future me, I’m sorry. 😞

When I was 18, I had a restrictive eating disorder for around a year. The following 5 years I had BN. I started taking antidepressants and anti anxiety meds and I guess they helped, I was doing a lot better. I moved for med school and it was like, a fresh start, I felt.. healed.

But, now I look in the mirror and I’m going back to hating what I see. I’m mourning the person I was 5/6 months ago, when I actually felt good about myself.

I know I’ve already lost weight over the last month or so just by the way some of my things fit. I should feel concerned but I’m .. happy.

I started drinking sweetener instead of sugar and having these nasty sweetened drinks even though I know they mess up my stomach but hey- dehydration means less water weight right? The thought of not having to keep my food down literally eats at my mind like an obsession.

I look at some of the women he looks at and I feel disgusting in comparison. I’m not skinny, I’ve always been a bit more muscular and curvy (not overweight). I know that’s a lot of people’s ideals, probably even his. But I can’t help but want to be skinny like that instead.

I’m trying to maybe join a gym and focus on being strong and healthy and hopefully kill this thing before it nearly kills me again. But now I’m like- well he’s probably gonna stare at the women at the gym and make me hate that too.

I wish men knew what their actions to their gfs do. How they completely wreck our self esteem in a world where everything is trying so hard to make us insecure as it is.

I’m tired. I’m terrified even though I’m oddly excited. I never wanted this life back. I was better. And now I’m not.

I don’t know if it’s my posture or body fat % (I’m not overweight), is there anything I can do for a more feminine collarbone/shoulder area?

I am going to lose fat but aside from that, what else can I do?