u/Bhunru

Recently, I (23M) and my mother conversation about my relationships or what's been going onon.

What I thought my main issue is a lack of confidence, my mother gave me a reassuring but firm reality check.

The emotional labor that is required for relationships don't suit me, unless there's an imbalance in the relationship (I need them more than me).

I see this issue some friends who've I've left on delivered for some reason, girls numbers I collect but don't do anything about or even relatives who call me and wonder how I'm doing.

I just find it laborious sometimes, like I do like these please but maaaaan. Mom even pointed out that maybe because of her accommodating me so much, I assume my silence is normal, but rather it shows a lack of interest. So people pull back. And sometimes I want them to pull in, but why should I feel like I have to test

I don't know why, but I feel exposed when I show I care for someone, especially romantically or sexually. It just feels like I'm getting ready to be humiliated or abandoned. So I push people away.

I had a friend I have a crush on where I couldn't really explain why I'm being weird around people (unrelated personal issues) when I checked out in a club outing and left home without an explanation. I don't want her having that emotional leverage over me. Especially if there's still the lingering crush there. This is problematic, but I really don't how to articulate or explain without thinking "she'll use this against you and think lesser of you".

Just have very low trust for others, so keeping a distance, being pleasant and entertaining enough to warrant being around is good for me. Until people ask me about my feelings, fuck no.

The answer is to be consistent, but how do I get over the hurdle of talking to people?

Recently, I (23M) and my mother conversation about my relationships or what's been going onon.

What I thought my main issue is a lack of confidence, my mother gave me a reassuring but firm reality check.

The emotional labor that is required for relationships don't suit me, unless there's an imbalance in the relationship (I need them more than me).

I see this issue some friends who've I've left on delivered for some reason, girls numbers I collect but don't do anything about or even relatives who call me and wonder how I'm doing.

I just find it laborious sometimes, like I do like these please but maaaaan. Mom even pointed out that maybe because of her accommodating me so much, I assume my silence is normal, but rather it shows a lack of interest. So people pull back. And sometimes I want them to pull in, but why should I feel like I have to test

I don't know why, but I feel exposed when I show I care for someone, especially romantically or sexually. It just feels like I'm getting ready to be humiliated or abandoned. So I push people away.

I had a friend I have a crush on where I couldn't really explain why I'm being weird around people (unrelated personal issues) when I checked out in a club outing and left home without an explanation. I don't want her having that emotional leverage over me. Especially if there's still the lingering crush there. This is problematic, but I really don't how to articulate or explain without thinking "she'll use this against you and think lesser of you".

Just have very low trust for others, so keeping a distance, being pleasant and entertaining enough to warrant being around is good for me. Until people ask me about my feelings, fuck no.

The answer is to be consistent, but how do I get over the hurdle of talking to people?

I am currently diagnosed with BPD (or EUPD) and want to create content about it in order to educate people on its effect on my day to day life.

However, one concern is that it may cause people to associate me with the more destructive kind.

How do I navigate this? I need something to do to help others, and honestly, be honest with myself with others. I need a purpose yk.

I am also a psych student, so this helps.

I'm not going to sugar-coat it. I am a borderline. And I thank you for this space. Because without this space, it actually helped me recognise the things I need to work on, and the awful choices I need to avoid making for those around me.

If this gets removed, I understand completely, I just find the other BPD subreddits too solipsistic for any form of change.

And knowing the destruction my condition can cause makes me want to get my shit together.

If you have any questions, ask away.

Thank you.