u/Belatryx

when i was a child i was very open, honest, playful, fun, silly, outspoken, annoying obnoxious, adventerous, and i didn't care at all. around teenage years i learned that being this way was not socially acceptable, and instead of finding a middle ground, i've become too nice, almost to the point of apologizing for my existence if that makes sense. not literally but it feels that way. i'm sure other women can relate. i feel like i became scared of rejected and abandonment if i wasn't super kind, polite, going the extra mile all the time, putting everyone's needs before my own. now i'm sitting here at 35 years old, more alone than ever, realizing that i abandoned who i truly was as a child and tween, only to be alone anyways. i am done being too nice. i will always be polite, have manners, courtesy, and spread kindness when i have the energy too, but i'm starting to stand up for myself again and put down boundaries when i need to. i'm so tired of being a doormat. i'm tired of people doing things to hurt me or cross my boundaries and then me having to suck it up.