u/Azu_Creates

Medications:

Testosterone replacement therapy, weekly shot (T within cis male ranges, E suppressed)

Estradiol cream, 0.5 grams inserted vaginally twice weekly (usually Tuesdays and Thursdays, not the most spaced out but easy to remember)

Breyna maintenance inhaler, 2 puffs in the morning

Zyrtec 10 mg pill, once daily

Truvada 300 mg pill, once daily

psyllium fiber supplement pill, once daily

Mirena IUD (Inserted February, 2024)

Bit of History:

Been on T for a little over 2 years

Started E vaginal cream maybe 2-ish months ago

Tight pelvic floor muscles

My menstrual cycle has seemingly been adequately suppressed by T for some time

There was a time period of a few months probably a little over half a year ago where I had an extremely irregular cycle, but it turned out my T levels were too low, and E was not adequately being suppressed.

So, I have been having this problem for a while now. It seems every time I engage in any sexual activity, even just non-penetrative masturbation, I will get what feels like period pain that will last for hours afterwards, and sometimes the entire rest of the day. There is sometimes light bleeding as well, ranging from blood-tinged discharge to light spotting. Even my general mood takes a dip. It sometimes feels like a mini period. Recently I even bled just from doing a self-swab vaginal STI test.

I have talked to an OBGYN about this before, and got prescribed the E vaginal cream, but it does not seem to be helping much. I have had pelvic exams done before. One time some irritation was noted, but during a second pelvic exam a little while after no irritation was spotted. There was nothing else spotted during those exams. I have been tested for trichomoniasis and other STIs, all negative. I've been told that I might just have a very sensitive reproductive system.

This stuff didn't used to happen when I was younger though. I could engage in sexual activities and stretch the area without these issues the majority of the time. It feels like something is wrong, but according to the pelvic exams and STI tests everything is fine. The OBGYN for the second pelvic exam even had me take a pregnancy test, and it was negative. This also wasn't really a problem I had for the early days of having my IUD. Could it have something to do with my tight pelvic floor muscles and the way they are contracting? Part of me is wondering if it could be something like endometriosis and I believe there is limited research showing a higher prevalence of it in trans men, but I have no known family history of it or conditions like it. Other than that, I'm kind of at a loss.

I am a transgender man, and so most of this post will be more specific to transgender men. However I invite all queer men, and those who identify more on the masculine side of the gender spectrum but not necessarily as men, to participate. Other people can of course participate, however I would like for this post to remain centered around queer men because we are often left out of these conversations (especially transgender men). Queer men, and especially transgender men, face significantly elevated rates of sexual violence (including harassment) due to our sexuality and/or transgender status. Men who are survivors of sexual violence rarely receive adequate support and resources for our recovery and are often shamed into silence. Data from the 2016/2017 NISVS report found that 59.8% of gay men and 56.4% of bisexual men said they experienced contact sexual violence, and 42.9% of gay men and 58.1% of bisexual men having experienced sexual harassment in a public setting. That is compared to 29.3% and 29% of heterosexual (and presumably cisgender but the report does not specify) men respectively. For transgender men, I have seen a few studies showing anywhere from 43-50% of the transgender men surveyed said they had experienced sexual assault. Links for these sources will be included below.

Now onto breaking the silence. Currently all of my experiences of sexual harassment and exploitation have been at the hands of men, both cishet and other queer men. I do not at all intend to demonize all men, only the predatory ones. I do not want anyone using my experiences to deaminize any men except for the ones that engage in predatory and abusive behaviors. While a lot of the sexual violence in the world is committed by men, not all of it is. I do want to acknowledge those who have experienced sexual violence of any kind at the hands of a woman or non-binary person, your experiences and your feelings are just as valid and worthy of discussion.

This will be quite long, but I'll start. At the age of 12, before I knew I was any flavor of queer, I experienced sexual exploitation on Omegle when an adult man took advantage of my naivety and curiosity. He got me to engage in sexual activities online with him before I knew any better. I have no way of knowing if screenshots or video recordings of me in those moments exist, or if they have been shared or not.

At the age of 14, as I was beginning to learn that I was not heterosexual but had not yet come to terms with the fact that I also was not cisgender, I was approached by a middle-aged man in public, with him asking me to kiss him. Thankfully he was not violent towards me and I was able to easily get away from him.

I also had to deal with a groomer online at 14. At that time I was just beginning to understand both my sexuality and gender identity, and had experienced significant familial rejection and rejection from my school. He was one of the first persons I felt truly accepted by, and he was also queer, so I trusted him when I shouldn't have. He had lied about his age, claiming he was 16 when he was at least well into his 20s. We had talked online for at least a year and he kept talking about giving me "kisses and cuddles", as well as asking me when I could go over to his place or when my parents wouldn't be home. Eventually we met up in person at a convention, and that's when it really hit me that this guy was dangerous and when I found out he was lying about his age. I knew I could not let myself get into a position where I was alone with him because he would have likely tried to do something bad to me. He was very touchy with me the entire time and despite how uncomfortable I was, I didn't feel like saying no or asking him for space was a safe thing to do. Thankfully I was able to get myself out of that situation before anything sexual happened, and distanced myself from him afterwards.

At 16, when I was walking home alone at night, an older guy who was likely into his 30s approached me asking for directions to a nearby homeless shelter. I was pre-everything and had only just begun socially transitioning, so I probably looked like a 12 year old boy. He started asking me about my age and if I had a partner. I lied for both answers because I could tell this guy was a creep. He thankfully backed off but admitted that he wanted to "invite me to his place" to "hang out".

At 17, I was walking my dog when an elderly man tried getting my attention. He was completely incoherent. He exposed himself to me and attempted to offer me money, trying to solicit me for sex work. I did file a police report in that case, which I had not done in the other cases (especially for the grooming instance because I did not trust my parents enough to tell them what had happened). Unfortunately, they were unable to find the guy and closed the case. I was also pre-everything in this case.

At the age of 19, I experienced multiple forms of harassment, including sexual harassment, from my boss. It began when I had to inform him of an upcoming surgery (top surgery!), and that I would be out for a month and may have some temporary restrictions upon returning to work. At this point I had already been on testosterone for close to a year and had never told my boss nor anyone at work that I was transgender or queer in any way. My boss began pressuring me for private medical information, at one point asking me if the surgery was for gynecomastia. He also asked me about my medical conditions because I had let it slip that the surgery was to help with a "hormonal condition", and whether or not I was taking any medications for them. He also brought up how anorexia was going around as a "social contagion" a few years ago, and then brought up being transgender...He then tried to place himself in a mentor ship position above me, and said that he would be fine with me getting surgery if I waited until I was 20 or 21. The part where it became sexual, was when he asked me if I had a penis. He asked me that in response to me stating that I am and have always been a guy (still never specifically said I was trans). I said I was uncomfortable with that line of questioning, and if I am remembering correctly, he repeated the question once more. I never gave him a direct answer. I was saved by a customer who seemed like a friend of his walking into the shop, and I went to the back to document and try to process what had just happened. He made me feel like I had to give him private medical details about my life and tried to pressure me into giving him details about my genitalia. Unfortunately my family didn't really offer me any support. In fact, they pressured me into not reporting him and what had happened.

Well anyways, that is me breaking the silence. To all the other queer men who have experienced some form of sexual violence, if you feel comfortable, feel free to break the silence with me. Our voices deserve to be heard too in these conversations. Please keep the comments kind and supportive to all who share their stories, and free from sexism and other bigotries which can sometimes arise during these conversations. I want this to be a post under which people, and queer men in particular, can feel heard and supported.

Sources:

A Research Follow-Up to "Who Are Male Survivors of Sexual Harassment and Assault?" - National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)

Physical, Sexual, and Intimate Partner Violence Among Transgender and Gender-Diverse Individuals | Public Health | JAMA Network Open | JAMA Network

Prevalence of Sexual Assault in a Cohort of Transgender and Gender Diverse Individuals - PMC

Obstetrics & Gynecology