u/Asleep-Antelope-6434

I have no friends or relationships and I am completely alone. I feel like I am monster and there is plenty of evidence to support that seeing that despite existing in this world for 22 years I am alone meaning that there is something wrong with me that the millions of normal people who have friends don’t possess. I am tired of being me I just want something literally anything will do. I look around and I see all the normal people having so much fun. Why can’t I just be one of them?

22m I have no friends or relationships or anything. I am a stranger person autistic or neurodivergent or something, I am not certain. Anyway I am different I have never felt a sense of belonging in this world. I don’t talk like everyone else. I don’t think like everyone else. I just want to fit in and be normal but I just can’t it’s like they can smell it on me. When they realise that I am not one of them they look at me like a monster. I have tried my best to put myself out there and talk and meet people. The only thing this accomplished was allowing me to realise that there are not others like me and that I will always be on the outside. I know you may say that normal is not a thing but I promise you it is, it’s the thing everyone else is doing. I keep trying to learn and focus so I can be one of them but it never seems to work. I know you may say that I should just accept myself well I can assure you that I was not always like this, I tried to be myself for most my life and it got me nowhere. I feel so alone and isolated. This isn’t right, I am tired of telling myself that I am special or unique when I am just a monster. I am alone and that is evidence that I am something vile. What kind of person has to spend their time trying to learn and study the people around them so they can belong? I am not trying to become a billionaire or take over the world all I am trying to do is be here. I am very confused and lost and need advice.

I will ask them a question or something and then they answer and then they ask me a question then I answer. I struggle to talk in person but I dont stand a chance online. Any advice would be appreciated.

22m I need to change who I am as fast as possible. For a long time I have told myself that I am unique or special but I am something that needs to change. I am very different the way I talk and move and think is different. I have spent so much time trying to perfectly imitate others and be normal but it’s like normal people can smell it on me they just know I am a freak. I have tried my best to put myself out there I have gone to clubs and societies and all sorts of socials. What I discovered was that I am a monster there is not anything like me is this world I am completely alone this is like so kind of hellish punishment. I tried my best to polite and kind and open but it just doesn’t work there is something wrong with me autistic or neurodivergent perhaps. I cannot live like this I feel so isolated and alone. I am in a world that has no place for me. Despite being different I still want the same things I would want nothing more than to talk to a friend and for them to be able understand what I am saying. I would love to belong in this world and have a place and be remembered by the people around me. I have never had a relationship or anything close and that solid proof that what I am is wrong. If have gone 22 years on this planet and have no friends I must be a monster. I will do anything to change. I just want to be like everyone else.