My family is sucking the life out of me.
I am 17. I dont come from a well off family. My father was an alcoholic, and was also the sole breadwinner until he almost got us homeless after spiralling into alcohol.
I was sort of forced into the role of being someone who could potentially help my family out of the trenches.
Academics became important to me, and i did decently well growing up. That was the only validation i got.
But things changed when I turned 15. My father absolutely lost it, and almost got himself killed twice because of his drinking habits. It was around this time that I had slowly started distancing myself from studying. I burnt myself out, and even the thought of studying suffocated me.
I did pick up towards the end, when finals approached, but nothing has been the same ever since.
The pressure to earn and do well from my family has absolutely ruined my life. I dont find joy in anything. My family forced me into a life altering career path, and I spent two years of my life preparing for a course I had zero interest in.
Tomorrow, i have an important exam. And I am at zero. I have no plans. No backups. My family is expecting loads from me, but i am stuck.
I feel like I have zero autonomy over my life, and am just left picking up after my father and correcting his mistakes.
The last few months have been especially hard, and I have been losing my mind with how trapped i feel. I have no outlet, no friends who know whats going on, and my family wouldnt even bother listening to me.
I am scared, so very scared. I dont know how i'll spend this night, and I am afraid of my own self.
Help me out, please.