u/Any_Trash6365

ok for context im a girl and im 16 and I lowk would do that stuff since I was 11 but I never felt anything but at the start of this year I like felt it yk so I do it like once every day or sometimes more and I literally cant even do it if I dont like think its someone much older doing it to me idk why but it makes me feel so gross after like yeah and I just feel like such a loser after I do it and idk if its good if I do it bc lust is bad but idk if I should do It as a Christian and I pray about it alot but I feel guilty all the time and really gross like idk if its normal that I can only do it if I think of or watch someone like over 40 doing it like I dont feel anything if I watch like younger people in their 20s idk if thats bad or not but yeah thats my question also pls dont judge : )

not a question it just makes me put it like that)

I made a post yesterday on here about this man that im really close with through church and you can look at my profile and read it bc I dont want to explain it again, but I was going to his house with my parents to pick up stuff for the homeless ministry we needed and my mum told me to grab it for her bc she was wearing pj pants so I went inside and I saw him with a gun in his mouth and he was crying and it was so scary I literally felt my face get super hot in like seconds when I saw it and like he stopped ig bc he saw me but it was so so scary and I hugged him and I told my mum what happend and she called some people from my church to come and we were at his house and we were talking to him about why he feels this way and he said he feels like a loser and unattractive (this might sound weird but hes like the opposite of unattractive) and he said alot of stuff about how he should be married by now with kids (hes 48) and we were like making him feel better yk.

when I got home he was texting me saying he was sorry that I saw that happen and I shouldn't have seen that and I told him I dont want you to die and then he said he loves me. this didn't happen that long ago bc rn im supposed to be at school but I went to his house before school but bc of all that happened I didn't end up going today.

I have mixed feelings because I definitely do not want him to die and I cried sm when I got home bc it was so scary, but also reading the comments to my previous post with you guys saying that hes a horrible person who is going to abuse me.

idk what to think but this is an update ig

I recently posted a question in this sub asking if I was being groomed and I stated in the post that im 16f and this person commented that I can dm them bc their mental health support, when I did they said if I sent them nudes they should sponsor me 1500 dollars a week, the user is: Any-Antelope-900 so be wary of this person or ban them. I can provide screenshots to anyone.

I posted this somewhere else but im posting this here to get a parents perspective on it because my mum says its normal but others are saying its not.

this will be a long post but please read the whole thing before you reply please

Currently im 16 F and at the time I met this man when I was 14, right now hes 48, ive met him through my youth group at church because every tuesday we volunteer at a homeless shelter and he volunteers there with the ministry aswell. hes really really kind to me and tells me so much things more than anyone else, he asked for my phone number infront of my mum and my mum said its ok, then he got my insta and snap and my parents invite him over alot and hes close with my family.

when I was 14 at my church we found out about his past were he was arrested for domestic violence and assaulting his ex wife and he told me only that he was in a really bad place mentally, he was in prison for 3 years before being let out. Since meeting him hes called me the most beautiful girl in the world and he says im all the cute girls in one person, he calls me really sweet and his dream girl and he only talks to me out of everyone at my church and always sits next to me and dont judge me for this but I have a crush on him and he knows I does and he says he wishes I was older.

he texts me that he loves me all the time and my mum read the texts and she says its normal for people in a church to tell them they love each other because we are like a family which makes sense, he drives me to school alot and when were at the ministry we drive to pick up homeless people to take them to get food and he always offers me to come with him. Hes really funny and kind and we call all the time when im home alone, and one time during our Easter celebration at church, he texted me to see him in the kitchen and I went and we were talking and he kissed me on the cheek and he said when im 18 he wants to date me, this was a couple of weeks ago. I really really like him and hes never said anything sexual to me at all and he dosnt act weird to me or anything like that, ive just heard tiktoks say like age gaps like this is grooming so its like confusing yk?

ive also had a very strong eating disorder in the past, especially when I was 14 and im still working on it now but it was very intense back then but he would compliment me and tell me its ok to eat and he made me feel better about myself.

we were friends when I was 14 but from like 15 it started getting more like this yk. also if this adds context my dad is the pastor of our church.

I really really like him, he makes me feel really happy and really loved as hes protected me from some bad people and I really want this to be real.

im currently 16 and a girl and ive seen alot of bad things but when I was 12 I went down a gore rabbit hole because my aunt and uncle would show me that stuff for fun but it really affected me and I would look at it after they would show me out of curiosity and I saw this one video of a woman flaying a kids arm while the kid was alive and it was so so horrifying and bad and I was really scared after seeing that, now I have nightmares about that video at least 3 times a month even though it was a long time ago, I pray alot but the nightmares arnt going away, how does this stop?