u/Any_Particularr

I ate close to >!800!< calories today. Tracked >!772!< but I don’t trust myself and just assume I ate more. I feel like a failure somewhat. I don’t know why, I don’t know why I feel this way, I still feel hungry, but I’m scared that I’ll magically gain weight even though I know >!800!< isn’t much. I just want to tell myself that it’s fine, but something in my mind is telling me that if I eat one more thing I’ll gain the >!30!< lb I lost. I’m so sorry if this triggered anyone, I’m trying to get better I really am but it’s hard since I’m still 15 and still have body issues.

Like… after a huge binge cycle that went on for a while, you finally start eating less, am I the only one that feels this way? Or am I just weird lol

I just did 47 minutes on the treadmill at 3.5 mph (I’m 5’1 so it’s quite fast for me, I also sort of pushed myself.. which I know isn’t the best choice.) I was trying to go for 1-2 hours like I did before but had to stop since I started sweating like crazy, I ran to the bathroom and threw up/almost passed out. I swear I felt like my life was ending at that moment. I’m not sure if this is normal, I mean part of me thinks that this is because I only drank a 90 calorie protein drink and had nothing else. Or maybe it’s because I’m just not used to it? should I continue later or wait until tomorrow to start again?

I don’t feel too hungry right now, just really shaky, though I know I have to eat something, just don’t know what since I just threw up.

I’ve been constantly fighting with an ed and now I have a bed, I’m struggling so much right now I just ate so fucking much today >!(2800kcal)!<that I feel like throwing up, I don’t know why I can’t control myself, in the past I was eating like >!300-400!< calories or maybe I’d just starve. Why is it so hard to do it again:( how can I stop eating >!2000+!< calories all the time? I just want to be normal again. I’ve already gained >!11lb!< in the last >!3!< weeks and I feel like such a failure. Please I don’t know a diet plan or what to do, I keep eating and still can’t feel full no matter what I do. I’m ruining my weight loss progress so much and I’m constantly bloated, is there something that has helped you in the past? I can’t go to the doctor as it costs way too much here in the U.S. so the only resources I’ve been relying on is the Internet. Im short and so it’s really bad for me to eat over >!1500!< at the very least. I feel so desperate for anything at this point. Even on how to reduce my appetite atleast…

So basically, yesterday I was defrosting some chicken breast on a plate with some water added and left it in the microwave, the microwave wasn’t turned on I just left it there so it could cool down. I left the house for a couple of hours and unfortunately left it there for 9 hours. I figured it would be fine though the texture was quite moist… soft and like easy to cut at. I’m wasn’t sure what to expect but I didn’t want to waste it, so I kind of just ate it completely raw, now yes, this sounds stupid but I’m currently sick so my mind didn’t immediately go into “oh maybe you should just throw it out or actually cook it” and I didn’t realize that until I had already eaten the entire chicken breast. Now I’m kind of worried, I’ve only been experiencing slight stomach aches and head aches but I’m mostly fine I think. should I be concerned? How likely could it be I get sick from this?