u/Any_Bumblebee911

i’m disabled for the most stupid reason (chronic night terrors + agoraphobia) i’m scared to go to sleep, i stay up as much as i can so i don’t have to dream, when im sleeping it’s like i go into a different world and not actually sleeping, i wake up at 1pm feeling like ive ran a marathon then have no energy for the day. then repeat. i don’t get to have a job, i don’t get to go to school, i don’t get to have partners, i don’t get to follow my dreams, i can’t even leave my house. my mom acts fine but with her comments about me getting back to normal and living a real life, i know she doesn’t understand what i deal with. my friends want me to hangout but don’t understand that leaving my house feels like being held at gun point. i just wanna be normal, im not living, im just rotting away and i can’t even change anything. CPTSD is my prison

i can’t stop crying, she’s never taken me on a trip that was just for fun, to hangout, to have a good time. all our trips had purpose, a funeral, visiting her bf, visiting her friends, we’ve never been on a vacation. now she’s going to my favourite place, without me. i found out once i woke up, she laughed at me for assuming i could go with. it’s all i could think about all day. why don’t i get a nice life? why don’t i get normal things?

i’m 21 and recently i’ve noticed i’ve developed a ton of white hairs and my hair is turning red. i also used to have bleached and dyed hair from like 10-19. is it just stress and the sun?

it’s 3:33am as i’m writing this, a few minutes ago i looked out my bedroom window and saw the most gorgeous moon. i got out my binoculars to get a closer look, i bought those specifically for that reason. there’s an amber aura coming off of her, she’s a bit golden herself. as i look through the binoculars with teary eyes, i can see her moving past the telephone wires. she can’t stay for much longer but that’s okay, she’s watched over me every night since i was born so i don’t mind watching her a little bit longer