u/Antique-Win4832

Asking sincerely because I haven't found many people who talk about this honestly.

I've loved making cinematic short films since I was a kid. The combination of visuals and sound is the closest thing I have to a creative voice. But the audio side of this craft almost always pulls toward something I've come to believe; for myself, based on what I've studied; that I shouldn't be engaging with. I'm not asking for a ruling and I'm not looking to debate the position. I've made my niyyah and I want to stick to it.

What I'm struggling with is the daily reality of it.

Every time I sit down to edit, there's a pull. Every time something would fit a scene perfectly, there's a pull. I scroll and I feel it. I open my projects and I feel it. It's a war with the nafs that I didn't expect to be this constant. The conversations I see online tend to go one of two ways; either "just stop, it's haram" or "you're being too strict." Neither of those speaks to the actual experience of fighting it every day while still trying to create something meaningful.

I've been exploring nasheeds, ambient sound, foley, and silence as alternatives. There's real craft there and I'm learning. But I'd be lying if I said it always carries the same weight, and I'm trying to figure out whether that's a skill gap on my end or a real limitation I need to make peace with.

For context; I've turned down multiple six-figure marketing roles at tech companies because the work would have required me to produce content I'm not willing to produce. I made those decisions for the sake of Allah and I don't regret them. But I'd also be lying if I said it didn't cost me something, and the daily fight hasn't gotten easier just because I made the bigger choices.

So my question for any other Muslim creatives here; filmmakers, editors, anyone working in visual media; does it ever get easier? How do you keep the niyyah strong when the craft itself keeps pulling you back? Did you find peace with the limitation, or are you still in the fight?

JazakAllahu khairan in advance.

Asking sincerely because I haven't found many people who talk about this honestly.

I've loved making cinematic short films since I was a kid. The combination of visuals and sound is the closest thing I have to a creative voice. But sound in film almost always means music, and I've come to believe, for myself, based on what I've studied, that I shouldn't be using music in my work.

I'm not asking for a ruling and I'm not looking to debate the position. I've made my niyyah and I want to stick to it. What I'm struggling with is the daily reality of it.

Every time I sit down to edit, there's a pull. Every time a track would fit a scene perfectly, there's a pull. I scroll and I feel it. I open my projects and I feel it. It's a war with the nafs that I didn't expect to be this constant. And the conversations I see online tend to go one of two ways: either "just stop, it's haram" or "you're being too strict." Neither of those speaks to the actual experience of fighting it every day while still trying to create something meaningful.

I've been exploring nasheeds, ambient sound, foley, and silence as alternatives. There's real craft there and I'm learning. But I'd be lying if I said it always carries the same weight, and I'm trying to figure out whether that's a skill gap on my end or a real limitation I need to make peace with.

So my question for any other Muslim creatives here: filmmakers, editors, anyone working in visual media; how do you handle this? How do you keep the niyyah strong when the craft itself keeps pulling you back? Did you find peace with the limitation, or are you still in the fight?

JazakAllahu khairan in advance.

For further context; I've turned down multiple six-figure marketing roles at tech companies because the work would have required me to produce content with music. I made those decisions for the sake of Allah and I don't regret them. But I'd also be lying if I said it didn't cost me something, and the daily fight hasn't gotten easier just because I made the bigger choices. My provision comes from Ar-Razaq, but my current job pays me 75k compared to a potential 300k TC "haram" role.

Location: Canada. 20 years old, second-year CS student.

I'm posting because I genuinely don't know what to chase next and I want outside perspective from people who've actually been through this.

Background, briefly:

Since I was a kid I wanted to be an engineer. In 9th grade I locked onto software. The dream was lead engineer at a top tech company, then eventually a space company. Found out partway through that my citizenship blocks me from US space companies, so I narrowed to the tech track.

I went hard. Networking events and internship hunts before most kids my age. Founded a club in high school. Got into a top university. 4.0 GPA while doing AI research alongside Stanford PhDs. Won several major hackathons including the biggest one in North America. Became the youngest VP of a major tech club on campus. Took a founding engineer role at an early stage startup. Multiple job offers. Decent online presence. Did all of this from 6am to 9pm in the library, every day, mechanically, telling myself the work was the point.

I also ate plenty of losses. Got rejected from my dream FAANG internship after grinding for the final round. Lost a string of hackathons. Had a research paper rejected. Each one stung but I kept moving because that's what you do.

The actual problem:

Every goal I chased was set by my 14-year-old self. At 20, none of those goals fit me anymore. The FAANG dream feels hollow. AI is reshaping the field I trained for. I've stacked enough credentials to know that stacking more isn't the answer, and I don't have a replacement goal with any pull.

I have instincts. I want to build something of my own. Maybe an agency, maybe a startup, maybe something I haven't seen yet. But nothing has the gravity the old dream had. The old dream was loud. This is quiet. I feel like I'm between identities and the uncertainty is the hardest part of any of this. Harder than any rejection.

The flaw I've already identified in myself:

I don't take visible risks. I move in silence. I take risks where failure stays invisible. Research nobody sees until it lands. Hackathons where the loss is private. Side projects I can quietly abandon. The bigger, public risks, the ones that require putting my name on something and letting people watch me try, I overthink until they die. It's 100 or 0 in my head. I'd rather not try than try and fall short where people can see it. I can name this clearly. Naming it hasn't fixed it.

What I'm asking:

1. For people who hit this same wall, where the original goal stopped fitting and the wins stopped generating direction, what actually broke the loop? A specific bet? A mentor? A year off? Therapy? Something else?
2. How did you choose between committing to one direction and exploring widely when nothing pulled you strongly? At what point did you stop optimizing and just pick?
3. For anyone who recognizes the "won't be seen trying" pattern, what helped you move past it? I can describe it. I can't seem to walk through it.
4. Is this a normal early 20s thing that resolves itself with time, or is it a signal to make a bigger structural change? Different field, different city, time off school?

Not looking for validation. Looking for the thing I'm not seeing.