u/Ancient_You_1786

Tl;dr my mom actually acts like a mom towards my brother and not me

I(F19) love my mom a lot, and every year I’d do the most for her on her birthdays and Mother’s Day compared to the rest of my siblings (especially my brother).

However, I don’t think she cares about me like I care about her. She’s always venting out her feelings with me, complaining to me, asking me for advice, and talking to me as if we were friends. But whenever I’ve tried to open up my struggles with not being able to make friends in high school, being depressed, hating my life, and staying in my room all the time not taking care of myself, she just changes the subject and starts talking about how “she doesn’t take care of herself either”, how her life is really hard, or sometimes she will just change the subject entirely.

What hurt me was today she was complaining to me about how my little brother (17) still depends on her to do his laundry and feed him because otherwise he would just stay inside eating junk food and not taking care of himself. And she was saying how she wants him to be successful in life and is worried for him because of the way he lives his right now because it’s unhealthy.

I just wish she was this concerned when I was struggling. When I was his age I would make my own meals and do my own laundry, and since my dad was an alcoholic, I would feed him, change him, and be a shoulder for him to cry on. Luckily I’ve gotten myself in a better place, I wake up at 5am, hit the gym for an hour, then run 5 miles, work on my personal mechanical projects, then head to my 9 hour shift as a server. Although I work a minimum of 54 hours a week, I found a way to not burn out (yet lol).

But my issue is I’m working hard for my mom and my brother. I try to not get mad at my mom because the reason I’m working full time instead of going to school is because a year ago my dad decided to send a little over $800k to a romance scammer. So my family got hit pretty bad, we lost everything except our car, and I’ve been paying the full rent per month ($2,035) because my mom only makes enough to pay for utilities (she works at a nail salon 4 days a week). She’s been through a lot emotionally, and I think the abuse from my dad over their marriage really damaged her, that’s why I just try to help as much as I can.

But I feel like after all I’ve done, I’m just another parent for my brother. Someone my mom goes to to discipline my brother, someone my mom goes to to complain about her day, and someone my mom goes to for money.

I shouldn’t be surprised my mom cares about my brother more. She comes from a Vietnamese family and she’s always wanted a boy. And in the past she only attended one of my high school cross country races, but she attended ALL of my brother’s crew races. She was always striving for his success naturally, but for me I guess she thinks I’ll just figure out o it somehow and be fine. I still want to help her out because she’s my mom, but I wish I had a parent figure who cared about how I was doing, or was proud of me, or acknowledged how much I try to help out. But at the same time, it taught me not to rely on others for validation.

I(F19) love my mom a lot, and every year I’d do the most for her on her birthdays and Mother’s Day compared to the rest of my siblings (especially my brother).

However, I don’t think she cares about me like I care about her. She’s always venting out her feelings with me, complaining to me, asking me for advice, and talking to me as if we were friends. But whenever I’ve tried to open up my struggles with not being able to make friends in high school, being depressed, hating my life, and staying in my room all the time not taking care of myself, she just changes the subject and starts talking about how “she doesn’t take care of herself either”, how her life is really hard, or sometimes she will just change the subject entirely.

What hurt me was today she was complaining to me about how my little brother (17) still depends on her to do his laundry and feed him because otherwise he would just stay inside eating junk food and not taking care of himself. And she was saying how she wants him to be successful in life and is worried for him because of the way he lives his right now because it’s unhealthy.

I just wish she was this concerned when I was struggling. When I was his age I would make my own meals and do my own laundry, and since my dad was an alcoholic, I would feed him, change him, and be a shoulder for him to cry on. Luckily I’ve gotten myself in a better place, I wake up at 5am, hit the gym for an hour, then run 5 miles, work on my personal mechanical projects, then head to my 9 hour shift as a server. Although I work a minimum of 54 hours a week, I found a way to not burn out (yet lol).

But my issue is I’m working hard for my mom and my brother. I try to not get mad at my mom because the reason I’m working full time instead of going to school is because a year ago my dad decided to send a little over $800k to a romance scammer. So my family got hit pretty bad, we lost everything except our car, and I’ve been paying the full rent per month ($2,035) because my mom only makes enough to pay for utilities (she works at a nail salon 4 days a week). She’s been through a lot emotionally, and I think the abuse from my dad over their marriage really damaged her, that’s why I just try to help as much as I can.

But I feel like after all I’ve done, I’m just another parent for my brother. Someone my mom goes to to discipline my brother, someone my mom goes to to complain about her day, and someone my mom goes to for money.

I shouldn’t be surprised my mom cares about my brother more. She comes from a Vietnamese family and she’s always wanted a boy. And in the past she only attended one of my high school cross country races, but she attended ALL of my brother’s crew races. She was always striving for his success naturally, but for me I guess she thinks I’ll just figure out o it somehow and be fine. I still want to help her out because she’s my mom, but I wish I had a parent figure who cared about how I was doing, or was proud of me, or acknowledged how much I try to help out. But at the same time, it taught me not to rely on others for validation.

I(F19) love my mom a lot, and every year I’d do the most for her on her birthdays and Mother’s Day compared to the rest of my siblings (especially my brother).

However, I don’t think she cares about me like I care about her. She’s always venting out her feelings with me, complaining to me, asking me for advice, and talking to me as if we were friends. But whenever I’ve tried to open up my struggles with not being able to make friends in high school, being depressed, hating my life, and staying in my room all the time not taking care of myself, she just changes the subject and starts talking about how “she doesn’t take care of herself either”, how her life is really hard, or sometimes she will just change the subject entirely.

What hurt me was today she was complaining to me about how my little brother (17) still depends on her to do his laundry and feed him because otherwise he would just stay inside eating junk food and not taking care of himself. And she was saying how she wants him to be successful in life and is worried for him because of the way he lives his right now because it’s unhealthy.

I just wish she was this concerned when I was struggling. When I was his age I would make my own meals and do my own laundry, and since my dad was an alcoholic, I would feed him, change him, and be a shoulder for him to cry on. Luckily I’ve gotten myself in a better place, I wake up at 5am, hit the gym for an hour, then run 5 miles, work on my personal mechanical projects, then head to my 9 hour shift as a server. Although I work a minimum of 54 hours a week, I found a way to not burn out (yet lol).

But my issue is I’m working hard for my mom and my brother. I try to not get mad at my mom because the reason I’m working full time instead of going to school is because a year ago my dad decided to send a little over $800k to a romance scammer. So my family got hit pretty bad, we lost everything except our car, and I’ve been paying the full rent per month ($2,035) because my mom only makes enough to pay for utilities (she works at a nail salon 4 days a week). She’s been through a lot emotionally, and I think the abuse from my dad over their marriage really damaged her, that’s why I just try to help as much as I can.

But I feel like after all I’ve done, I’m just another parent for my brother. Someone my mom goes to to discipline my brother, someone my mom goes to to complain about her day, and someone my mom goes to for money.

I shouldn’t be surprised my mom cares about my brother more. She comes from a Vietnamese family and she’s always wanted a boy. And in the past she only attended one of my high school cross country races, but she attended ALL of my brother’s crew races. She was always striving for his success naturally, but for me I guess she thinks I’ll just figure out o it somehow and be fine. I still want to help her out because she’s my mom, but I wish I had a parent figure who cared about how I was doing, or was proud of me, or acknowledged how much I try to help out. But at the same time, it taught me not to rely on others for validation.