I feel selfish for being depressed
I never held a girl's hand either because I'm too ugly or because I've always been lonely growing up. Things are better now; I have friends, and I feel happy from time to time. But at the end of the day, I imagine myself being held, being chosen, and cuddled up with, just like in some romance anime. I had a crush once—I really liked her, like REALLY, because when I was in the library studying alone, she sat next to me, and of course, my stupid head started to think about the whole scenario with her and my whole life. But it turns out, in the end, she’s a horrible person who likes to fuck dudes and just made me depressed all the time. She ignored me to the point I starved myself so that I wouldn’t be fat and ugly. But at least I had, and still have, friends from that time… yet I still feel lonely whenever I watch couple passing by watching my sisters getting married while I'm sitting alone repeating my same routine wake up study eat go to the gym workout sleep, and repeat I don't know why I'm even depressed I feel selfish being depressed I have a wonderful family who love and support me and yet I feel lonely and that makes me hate myself even more.