u/Alternative-Mix3604

I (18F) have a stepmother (40F) who we will call gabbie, she has been married to my father for 10 years and she has been an amazing mother but she makes comments that bother me and I'm starting to get tired of it.

Some of my friends and I are a part of the LGBTQ+ community and when I talk about my friends she makes comments like "oh its just phase" "oh look its a he-she" "if they aren't born as it they aren't one" and things of that kind and it bothers me because I know if my friends heard these things they would be upset and they would feel offended and rightfully so.

Me and My father and younger sister are Hispanic and my stepmom will also make comments that are offensive like the other day we seen a group of construction workers she said "oh look at those Mexicans doing their job" and yesterday she asked me to do some work in the yard and said "today you're gonna do some real Mexican work" and it bothers me so much.

She also comments on people's appearances like she will see a girl who isn't the average American beauty standard wearing a crop top and will comment about it saying things like "she shouldn't be wearing things like that with that type of body" and when I confronted her she said "you act like you don't talk about people" I will admit I talk about people but not their appearances, I talk about people's character and actions such as them being rude or ignorant. This is where we differ.

How do I deal with a family member like this? I live with her right now and her comments are really starting to bother me.

I (18F) and my boyfriend (19M) have known each other for three years. For context me and my boyfriend dated for 6 months during our sophmore year of high school, he met my parents and we went out on dates. My parents like him. We broke up because he got jealous I was dancing with someone else at a quince. It hit me pretty hard because you know, Young love and I genuinely care for him. We remained friends, friends turned into a situationship because he wasn't ready for a relationship. After a few months of a situationship we cut each other off and stopped talking in October of 2025. This March he texted me randomly apologizing for everything and asked how I've been, we caught up and started talking again. Long story short we started dating again to give things a try. Things have been going very well and he has changed, we have both learned how to communicate and be honest with each other.

I told my parents that me and him got back in contact with each other and my stepmom's response was very unapproving saying "if you're looking for a blessing you're not gonna get it. don't put your hand on a hot stove again expecting a different outcome." but my father said "you've proven you're responsible and you have a good head on your shoulders, I trust you wont let him get in the way of your family, school and future".

I have gone to see him in secret and things have been very nice but I hate lying to my parents. I want to be able to go out with my boyfriend and talk about him openly, I'd like for him to come to big events like prom and my graduation and for him to come to family gatherings. I had my graduation party a week ago and not having there sucked. He is my best friend and boyfriend all in one and I want him to be apart of these things but he can't if my parents hate him and don't approve.

What do you guys think I should do?

EDIT: I posted this in a comment. For context on our break up about a little less than a month before my cousin's quince I was asked to be a dama because the original person backed out. I didn't really know what that would intale and what I would be doing because I've never been to a quince. Two weeks before the quince we had a practice and thats when I found out I was dancing with a guy. The guy I was dancing with was a married in family member (My aunt's husband nephew), I never talked to him before nor was I planning on talking to him at all. I just planned on doing the dance and not interacting with him. I told my boyfriend about it and told him i had just found out I was dancing with a guy and that it was a married in family member and he got upset that I was dancing with another guy. It was too late to back out and I didn't want to back out because I wanted to do this for my cousin. He was invited to come to to quince to be there and to reassure him but he refused and broke up with me. We are both Hispanic so we there really is not any cultural differences and he had been to a quince before and knew I'd be dancing with someone but I had never been to one and had no idea what I was gonna be doing. When he texted me in March he apologized for the way he acted and how he reacted then.

WARNING THIS IS A VERY LONG POST

I (18F) and my younger sister (16F, lets call her alexis) have gone through a lot together throughout our childhood. We have always lived with our mom until I moved with my dad during junior high. My sister just moved in with our dad last year and everything was fine at first but after the first couple of months until she started slacking off on chores and grades, We have one chore a day and all our parents require is passing grades and getting chores done. My parents usually take away TV, makeup, music and stop her from going out with friends but this December they took away all of those things and she kept slacking off.

My parents were obviously at a loss for what to do and they were mad she wasn't learning her lesson but in late December about a week before our school let out for winter break Alexis' English teacher emailed my parents saying she was bullying another student and when told to stop or apologize she refused and kept bullying the other person which shocked both me and my parents because in middle school she was bullied. This made my parents livid and they yelled at her and told her she wasn't allowed to see her boyfriend (17M, we will call him David) and we assumed everything was fine and we just had to get through this last week.

Fast forward to the last day of school before winter break. I was waiting at the usual spot that our parents pick us up and Alexis wasn't their, my parents texted me saying they were gonna be a few minutes late. I automatically thought to myself "She better show up before our parents do because if she doesn't I can't cover for her." to no surprise when my parents showed up Alexis still wasnt there. My parents assumed she was with David, My parents went up to the assistant principal and asked them to say her name on the intercom. As they said her name on the speakers my parents got a notification from our doorbell camera which showed Alexis and David at our front door with David's dad. As you can assume my parents we livid.

They rushed back home and when we arrived at home they automatically started yelling at my sister telling her to get in the house, my sister started crying and as my dad started walking towards her she started crying saying "no I don't wanna go" and backing away from him (for context my dad is not a violent person at all and has never put his hands on us). This led to us calling the police to get her inside. When the police and my parents confronted David and his dad we found out my sister told his dad that our parents were waiting at home for her. She had lied to him. Everything got cleared up David and his dad apologized and went on their way.

We go inside and I hear my dad yelling at Alexis and we can hear her say she was to k**l herself. We ask her what she would like to do, Go to the police or Go to a mental hospital? She chose mental hospital. We went through the whole process for 7 hours and my parents hoped after this experience would cause her to straighten out and she wouldn't like it in there then about maybe an hour after we got home from admitting her we get a call saying "did you know Alexis is pregnant?"

My parents rushed to David's house to talk to his parents. At first David's mom was very defensive because she didnt know what happened earlier that day (she was at work, she is a nurse) but as the father explained everything that happened she opened up and when David was confronted he tried to blame it on Alexis but obviously it takes two to tango. Me and My parents talked about options to give my sister which was either 1. She keeps the baby but she will no longer be living with my parents because they dont want to be responsible for her baby or 2. she gets an ab**tion 3. she carries the baby but gives it up for adoption. They didn't plan on talking to her about the pregnancy because of her fragile mental state but she brought it up during a visit and then my parents gave her the option. she said "let me think about it" she ultimately decided to have an ab**tion because she said "she didn't want people judging her or knowing about it". My parents were upset with her because she never apologized for her behavior towards them or anything of that sorts.

After a 2-3 week stay Alexis was released and she loved it in there. A week later my father and Alexis traveled and had the procedure done and while they were gone I got accepted into my dream college. I immediately called my dad to tell him and my dad was obviously excited but it sucked because i couldn't celebrate with him in person because of my sister's decision and not even 5 minutes later on the call my sister said "look!" and showed an ultrasound of her baby before the procedure. Its upsetting because she looked so happy about it.

A month later, I went prom dress shopping with my aunt and I was so excited to show my parents but when I got home they were upset and stressed because they found out my sister was hiding her medication to attempt to k**l herself.

It's my senior year and I have been stressed throughout it all because of my sister and her decisions. I have so many big moments in my life this year and I can't celebrate or be happy the way I want to because of my sister and how she makes everyone else feel. I understand she is struggling mentally and is having a hard time but I want to be able to celebrate these moments. I've noticed after all of this I have snapped at her and been irritable with her even when she does nothing to me, It makes me feel bad. Am I wrong for feeling this way?