u/Alarming_Situation71

My boyfriend (20M) and I (19F) had a huge fight 3 days ago, and until now we still haven’t fixed things. We honestly don’t know if it’s better to break up or try to work through the relationship because no matter how much we talk, it always goes back to arguing. The hard part is we still love each other very much.
Lately, I’ve become toxic towards him to the point where I feel the urge to check his phone constantly. This is NOT who I am. I never used to be like this, but I feel like everything that happened gave me trust issues and emotional trauma. Even when he just holds his phone, my mind immediately thinks he’s talking to someone else or looking at other girls.

I asked for his phone (which I rarely do) because I wanted to check if he received the Instagram photos I sent him from my phone. While using it, I accidentally clicked the search bar and saw his recent searches. I found multiple OnlyFans accounts and saw that he had visited their profiles. I was heartbroken because this was something I never expected from him, especially since he always talked about how he disliked revealing clothing and was against the idea of OnlyFans. Everything shattered for me in that moment. What makes it harder is that he drove 12 hours just to see me and meet my parents for the first time. He has honestly been a very caring boyfriend in many ways. He gives me time, attention, emotional support during nursing school, and always makes an effort for me. What’s all those effort mean then?

When I confronted him, he just said, “I don’t know why.”
Since then, I’ve been questioning everything. I started asking myself if I was enough for him because I never looked up other men or entertained anyone else. He says he loves me and doesn’t want to break up, but part of me keeps thinking: “If he truly loved me, why would he need to look up OnlyFans accounts?”
The worst part is that this isn’t the first time I’ve been hurt because of situations involving other women, even if the situations were different each time. I’ve always communicated clearly about what hurts me and what my boundaries are.
I know in my heart that I didn’t lack as a girlfriend.
Now I feel emotionally exhausted. I still love him, but I don’t want to slowly start hating him. I’ve already started saying hurtful things to him that I never imagined I would say. I can feel resentment building inside me, and I hate that version of myself.
At this point, I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
Is this relationship still worth saving, or is it better to let go before we hurt each other even more?

I don’t know if it’s worth to fight for this kind of relationship because I love him and he said he loves me so much and he is showing that, but I am starting to no longer feel secure enough to simply trust his words just because of what happened. I want us to be together forever because we had a good relationship going on, but I am afraid if he is ever going to change because we are also in a long-distance relationship. How can he gain my trust back again virtually? He is coming home soon and we will go back on face timing. I am aware that once trust is broken, it’s very hard to restore it. I don’t know how can I believe in him again. I am scared of uncertainty of what’s he’s doing behind my back now. If I didn’t check his phone, I wouldn’t find it and he is not going to tell me.

My boyfriend (20M) and I (19F) had a huge fight 3 days ago, and until now we still haven’t fixed things. We honestly don’t know if it’s better to break up or try to work through the relationship because no matter how much we talk, it always goes back to arguing. The hard part is we still love each other very much.
Lately, I’ve become toxic towards him to the point where I feel the urge to check his phone constantly. This is NOT who I am. I never used to be like this, but I feel like everything that happened gave me trust issues and emotional trauma. Even when he just holds his phone, my mind immediately thinks he’s talking to someone else or looking at other girls.

I asked for his phone (which I rarely do) because I wanted to check if he received the Instagram photos I sent him from my phone. While using it, I accidentally clicked the search bar and saw his recent searches. I found multiple OnlyFans accounts and saw that he had visited their profiles. I was heartbroken because this was something I never expected from him, especially since he always talked about how he disliked revealing clothing and was against the idea of OnlyFans. Everything shattered for me in that moment. What makes it harder is that he drove 12 hours just to see me and meet my parents for the first time. He has honestly been a very caring boyfriend in many ways. He gives me time, attention, emotional support during nursing school, and always makes an effort for me. What’s all those effort mean then?

When I confronted him, he just said, “I don’t know why.”
Since then, I’ve been questioning everything. I started asking myself if I was enough for him because I never looked up other men or entertained anyone else. He says he loves me and doesn’t want to break up, but part of me keeps thinking: “If he truly loved me, why would he need to look up OnlyFans accounts?”
The worst part is that this isn’t the first time I’ve been hurt because of situations involving other women, even if the situations were different each time. I’ve always communicated clearly about what hurts me and what my boundaries are.
I know in my heart that I didn’t lack as a girlfriend.
Now I feel emotionally exhausted. I still love him, but I don’t want to slowly start hating him. I’ve already started saying hurtful things to him that I never imagined I would say. I can feel resentment building inside me, and I hate that version of myself.
At this point, I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
Is this relationship still worth saving, or is it better to let go before we hurt each other even more?

I don’t know if it’s worth to fight for this kind of relationship because I love him and he said he loves me so much and he is showing that, but I am starting to no longer feel secure enough to simply trust his words just because of what happened. I want us to be together forever because we had a good relationship going on, but I am afraid if he is ever going to change because we are also in a long-distance relationship. How can he gain my trust back again virtually? He is coming home soon and we will go back on face timing. I am aware that once trust is broken, it’s very hard to restore it. I don’t know how can I believe in him again. I am scared of uncertainty of what’s he’s doing behind my back now. If I didn’t check his phone, I wouldn’t find it. He’s sorry because he’s caught.

My boyfriend (20M) and I (19F) had a huge fight 3 days ago, and until now we still haven’t fixed things. We honestly don’t know if it’s better to break up or try to work through the relationship because no matter how much we talk, it always goes back to arguing. The hard part is we still love each other very much.
Lately, I’ve become toxic towards him to the point where I feel the urge to check his phone constantly. This is NOT who I am. I never used to be like this, but I feel like everything that happened gave me trust issues and emotional trauma. Even when he just holds his phone, my mind immediately thinks he’s talking to someone else or looking at other girls.

I asked for his phone (which I rarely do) because I wanted to check if he received the Instagram photos I sent him from my phone. While using it, I accidentally clicked the search bar and saw his recent searches. I found multiple OnlyFans accounts and saw that he had visited their profiles. I was heartbroken because this was something I never expected from him, especially since he always talked about how he disliked revealing clothing and was against the idea of OnlyFans. Everything shattered for me in that moment. What makes it harder is that he drove 12 hours just to see me and meet my parents for the first time. He has honestly been a very caring boyfriend in many ways. He gives me time, attention, emotional support during nursing school, and always makes an effort for me. What’s all those effort mean then?

When I confronted him, he just said, “I don’t know why.”
Since then, I’ve been questioning everything. I started asking myself if I was enough for him because I never looked up other men or entertained anyone else. He says he loves me and doesn’t want to break up, but part of me keeps thinking: “If he truly loved me, why would he need to look up OnlyFans accounts?”
The worst part is that this isn’t the first time I’ve been hurt because of situations involving other women, even if the situations were different each time. I’ve always communicated clearly about what hurts me and what my boundaries are.
I know in my heart that I didn’t lack as a girlfriend.
Now I feel emotionally exhausted. I still love him, but I don’t want to slowly start hating him. I’ve already started saying hurtful things to him that I never imagined I would say. I can feel resentment building inside me, and I hate that version of myself.
At this point, I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
Is this relationship still worth saving, or is it better to let go before we hurt each other even more?

I don’t know if it’s worth to fight for this kind of relationship because I love him and he said he loves me so much and he is showing that, but I am starting to no longer feel secure enough to simply trust his words just because of what happened. I want us to be together forever because we had a good relationship going on, but I am afraid if he is ever going to change because we are also in a long-distance relationship. How can he gain my trust back again virtually? He is coming home soon and we will go back on face timing. I am aware that once trust is broken, it’s very hard to restore it. I don’t know how can I believe in him again. I am scared of uncertainty of what’s he’s doing behind my back now. If I didn’t check his phone, I wouldn’t find it. He’s sorry because he’s caught.