u/Aggressive-Part9170

I think I'm gonna detransition.

I've done this before. I was scared and mad at the world and I gave in. I think I'm gonna do it again tho.

Basically, I've been having trouble with gender. Sometimes being a girl sounds great and awesome. Most of the time I wanna rip my hair out because I'm not a "real man". I'm scared because I don't think cis girls stay up at night randomly crying because I'm not a boy. But there's that voice that's screaming for me to come back. But when I detransitioned the first time it was a different voice screaming for me to come back to being a boy. I couldn't take my trans flag down for months. But when I first got it I couldn't put it up for months because it felt weird. Gender is just weird for me. I've been thinking about just being androgynous, but it makes me hate myself for being complicated and it feels like I'm begging for attention and to explain my gender over and over and over. So maybe I should just go back.

I've done this before. I was scared and mad at the world and I gave in. I think I'm gonna do it again tho.

Basically, I've been having trouble with gender. Sometimes being a girl sounds great and awesome. Most of the time I wanna rip my hair out because I'm not a "real man". I'm scared because I don't think cis girls stay up at night randomly crying because I'm not a boy. But there's that voice that's screaming for me to come back. But when I detransitioned the first time it was a different voice screaming for me to come back to being a boy. I couldn't take my trans flag down for months. But when I first got it I couldn't put it up for months because it felt weird. Gender is just weird for me. I've been thinking about just being androgynous, but it makes me hate myself for being complicated and it feels like I'm begging for attention and to explain my gender over and over and over. So maybe I should just go back.

Ok so, I love girls. I know that for a hard fact. I've accepted it wholeheartedly and love that fact about myself. Im bisexual with a very high women preference. That's not my problem.

As of right now, I'm a trans man, my problem is it doesn't feel quite right. When I imagine the future, I'm a girl. When I imagine myself in a relationship and getting married, I'm a girl. But I've had breakdowns because I'm not a man, I don't think cis women do that. She/her sounds weird for me, but it sounds good sometimes. And most of the time, I don't give a single care in the world what people call me but "girl" never fit quite right. You can call me whatever you want, but... I need to know what I am. So I'm not looking for "your whoever you want or need to be" or something like that, I'm looking for help and advice. I was thinking bigender seems most right.