u/Affectionate_Fly2855

I’m looking for some perspective on a cycle I’ve finally decided to break. I (20M) have been with my girlfriend (18F) for nearly a year. I am her first love, and I’ve spent the relationship being her "warm heart" the person who protects her and supports her through everything.

The pattern is always the same: she gets overwhelmed or stressed, and she pushes me away or breaks up with me. Every time, I go completely silent and disappear. And every time, like clockwork, she is the one who reaches out to me.

I finally realized why she comes back. It isn’t because she has changed or realized how to be a partner. She comes back for comfort, or out of fear and guilt. She uses me to soothe her own bad feelings. When she feels lonely, she reaches for my comfort. When she feels scared of losing me, she reaches for my presence. When she feels guilty for how she treated me, she reaches out just to make sure I'm still there so she doesn't have to feel like a "bad person."

This last time was the worst. She used lies and a level of cruelty I’ve never seen before to push me away. I haven’t sent my final word yet, and she hasn't reached out either. But I’m done. I realized that being her "loss" is the only way to make her learn. I’m not a safety net for someone who only wants me when they are scared

of being alone.

We blocked each other just like the other times and i already went completely "dark", private accounts, no contact, everything. I want to be a "loss" that can no longer be seen. I deserve a partner who is brave enough to choose me back, not someone who only uses me to escape their own immaturity

Honestly it actually hurts that i was mourning the version that she couldn't be thus i gave her many chances to change

Has anyone else dealt with a partner who only returns for their own emotional comfort? How do you stop yourself from being the "safe place" for someone who treats you like garbage?

TL;DR: I (20M) am her (18F) first love. She has a pattern of breaking up with me and then coming back days later. I finally realized she doesn't return for love, but only for comfort, or out of guilt and fear. After this latest breakup involving lies, cruel words and garbage treatment, I’m done being her safety net. I’m going completely dark to be the "loss" she needs to finally learn from

I’m looking for some perspective on a cycle I’ve finally decided to break. I (20M) have been with my girlfriend (18F) for nearly a year. I am her first love, and I’ve spent the relationship being her "warm heart" the person who protects her and supports her through everything.

The pattern is always the same: she gets overwhelmed or stressed, and she pushes me away or breaks up with me. Every time, I go completely silent and disappear. And every time, like clockwork, she is the one who reaches out to me.

I finally realized why she comes back. It isn’t because she has changed or realized how to be a partner. She comes back for comfort, or out of fear and guilt. She uses me to soothe her own bad feelings. When she feels lonely, she reaches for my comfort. When she feels scared of losing me, she reaches for my presence. When she feels guilty for how she treated me, she reaches out just to make sure I'm still there so she doesn't have to feel like a "bad person."

This last time was the worst. She used lies and a level of cruelty I’ve never seen before to push me away. I haven’t sent my final word yet, and she hasn't reached out either. But I’m done. I realized that being her "loss" is the only way to make her learn. I’m not a safety net for someone who only wants me when they are scared

of being alone.

We blocked each other just like the other times and i already went completely "dark", private accounts, no contact, everything. I want to be a "loss" that can no longer be seen. I deserve a partner who is brave enough to choose me back, not someone who only uses me to escape their own immaturity

Honestly it actually hurts that i was mourning the version that she couldn't be thus i gave her many chances to change

Has anyone else dealt with a partner who only returns for their own emotional comfort? How do you stop yourself from being the "safe place" for someone who treats you like garbage?

TL;DR: I (20M) am her (18F) first love. She has a pattern of breaking up with me and then coming back days later. I finally realized she doesn't return for love, but only for comfort, or out of guilt and fear. After this latest breakup involving lies, cruel words and garbage treatment, I’m done being her safety net. I’m going completely dark to be the "loss" she needs to finally learn from

I’m looking for some perspective on a situation that has me feeling completely drained. We have been together for about a year, and I am her first love.

We’ve had our ups and downsmostly cycles where she gets "cold" and shuts down when things get hard. But the biggest issue right now is her family. Her parents (especially her mom) don't approve of us because of some past arguments we had where she made me out to be the "bad guy" to them.

Now, I’m being kept as a total secret. She says she "reached her limit" and is too scared to tell her mom the truth about us or clear my name. She says she doesn't want to lose me, but she also doesn't want to make her relationship with her mom worse, so she told me she "has no choice but to let me go."

I’ve tried everything. I’ve begged, I’ve explained, and I’ve been patient. I have a big life change coming up soon (moving to another country for my career), and I told her I can't be a secret anymore. I need a partner who stands up for us.

I feel a lot of empathy for her because her home situation is genuinely difficult and her mom is very controlling. But at the same time, it hurts that she’d rather lose her first love than have one hard conversation to tell the truth.

My questions:

* Should I continue to be "understanding" of how hard her family situation is and just accept being a secret given her age?

* Does disappearing and going "No Contact" actually give someone with her personality the courage to finally stand up for a relationship?

* Or is the fact that she’s choosing her fear over me a sign that this can never work, no matter how much we love each other?

I’m tired of the emotional rollercoaster, but I feel guilty for walking away when I know she’s struggling.

TL;DR: My girlfriend's mom thinks I'm a bad person because of past arguments. My GF is too scared to tell her the truth and clear my name, so she is choosing to let go instead.