u/Admirable_Act7991

You say that I am pretty, but do you know that I am beautiful too? Do you notice how my eyes light up when I talk about my favourite things or do you just notice how they look? Do you also adore my face when I am concentrating super hard on something or do you just leave it alone? Do you also savour the dimples when I smile or do you just want to tell me how kissable my lips are?

Have you seen me in other people yet? Have you thought of me when you're looking at the starry, clear sky? Have you ever pictured me when listening to that song I really like? Perhaps not. Yes, you think I am pretty but you don't know that I am beautiful.

You have never really seen me, you have never known me, and as long as you see only my body, you will never understand me. Yes, you appreciate the curve that my body makes, but have you ever seen me in the crescent of the moon yet? To be loved is to be seen, and I have not been seen. Maybe I was too naive to think that you'll go "oh this character is JUST like you!" when I made us watch my favourite movie, maybe I was dumb to think you'll ever truly know me.

It gives me solace to know that only I know myself and I love myself, and that's enough. I don't need you, but it's human to want you. I also know better than to want you now because you won't ever come close to how much I love myself and it's just better this way. You will never know how to love me and I am stupid to have thought that you notice me just the way I notice you. You will never know me, and thus never love me.

Is it the era of crisis in love or is it just me? People don't get sad anymore, they don't show their anger anymore, no one cries out loud anymore. I remember seeing a girl outside the gym crying her heart out on the phone with someone, I asked her if she was okay and she said she'll be fine. I shouldn't admit this, but a part of me felt relieved that day, relieved that someone is human enough to cry out loud, and that I was human enough to check in on her. It's just a time where everything feels off, showing too much emotion is seen as a weakness and being 'nonchalant' is a power. Texting, double, triple, quadruple texting used to be seen as enthusiasm but now it's viewed as 'trying too hard' or coming off as too interested. Why can't I come off as too interested? Is that not what being human is all about? Why can't I just show interest without the fear that he will lose interest in me if I show mine too clearly, that he won't 'chase' me hard enough if I am always present? Why can't I always be present and with the one I like? Where's all the nervousness and courting? Where's the enthusiasm? Surely this can't be love, and if it is, we have failed as a generation. Love isn't supposed to make me feel like puking my guts out on being left on delivered for more than 10 hours. It isn't supposed to make me feel like I'm being too emotional or too clingy for having basic needs. I am too afraid to like anyone now, they might just be nonchalant and casual pleasure seekers. Why the fuck do these people even exist? Who made these monsters? I feel bad for them for not feeling what I feel, for not being dumb in love, for not feeling heartbreak. Heartbreak is love, and you must feel the pit in your stomach when you don't see them for long if you want to keep having the butterflies when you see them. I really hope we heal from this loneliness loveless epidemic.

I want to love and be loved, I want to feel the butterflies when we first hold hands, and I want to be devastated after a break up. But in my world, break ups don't exist, it's only forever once I find my person. I want to make it work, I want to cry together and solve our problems. I want to be held when I'm hurting and I want to engulf you in my love. I want to double, triple, quadruple text you and not care whether you're going to 'lose interest'. I don't want to play hard to get just so that I trigger your 'chasing' instinct. I don't want to manipulate you or play games just to have you hooked to me. I want to say 'I love you' before we ever get in bed together, and I want you to mean the world to me. I want to be your priority, your comfort and your family. Somewhere in this myriad of experiences, I think I have lost the chance to meet you. I rushed. To escape loneliness, I made horrible choices, when I could have just waited it out and found myself in your arms. I ruined my reward and I might never meet you, at least not in this lifetime. Wherever you are, whoever you are, I am content knowing that you're alive and well and I am content knowing that you're happy, even if that means you're with someone else. And if you're dead, we'll meet in heaven and we'll never separate. If you're lonely like me, and sad, know that I am the same way, and if God wills, we might meet in this lifetime and all our sorrows will go away ❤️

I want to love and be loved, I want to feel the butterflies when we first hold hands, and I want to be devastated after a break up. But in my world, break ups don't exist, it's only forever once I find my person. I want to make it work, I want to cry together and solve our problems. I want to be held when I'm hurting and I want to engulf you in my love. I want to double, triple, quadruple text you and not care whether you're going to 'lose interest'. I don't want to play hard to get just so that I trigger your 'chasing' instinct. I don't want to manipulate you or play games just to have you hooked to me. I want to say 'I love you' before we ever get in bed together, and I want you to mean the world to me. I want to be your priority, your comfort and your family. Somewhere in this myriad of experiences, I think I have lost the chance to meet you. I rushed. To escape loneliness, I made horrible choices, when I could have just waited it out and found myself in your arms. I ruined my reward and I might never meet you, at least not in this lifetime. Wherever you are, whoever you are, I am content knowing that you're alive and well and I am content knowing that you're happy, even if that means you're with someone else. And if you're dead, we'll meet in heaven and we'll never separate. If you're lonely like me, and sad, know that I am the same way, and if God wills, we might meet in this lifetime and all our sorrows will go away ❤️

i ❤️ pulse gym

i miss pulse gym 🥀💔