u/AdBig7795

My hair has never grown past my shoulders. I resigned that I would never have long hair because bleach and genetics. About six months ago I decided to give my hair growth an honest chance and started slowly implementing changes. My current routine: I wash my hair every 3-4 days. The first wash, I use a pre-oil treatment of rosemary oil and aloe Vera on the scalp and ends, castor oil on my edges, and shea butter also on the ends. I leave it in for a few hours, wash first with Pureology Strength Cure shampoo, followed by Nizoral and conditioner, allowing each step to sit in my hair for a few minutes. I then dry my hair using a cotton t-shirt and spray L’Oréal 21-in-1 leave in followed by argon oil on the ends. I let hair air dry. Second wash of the week, I will alternate hair masks, such as k18, Pantene Miracle Rescue, a hot coconut oil mask, and Mielle Clarifying Sugar Scalp Scrub. I wash first with my usual shampoo, followed by a purple shampoo and conditioner. Same steps after with the cotton t-shirt, heat protectant, and argon oil. I sleep with a bonnet every night, only put my hair up in a high loose bun when I am working out, occasionally use dry shampoo, clarifying shampoo at least once a month, use heat products maybe once a week, and give myself daily scalp massages. I also take Viviscal and a pre-natal, I have a fairly clean diet that includes protein, iron, fiber, biotin and zinc, and omega-3s, plus drink lots of water. I usually get a trim every three months. Is there anything I should change for optimal hair growth? Am I doing too much?

For context: we’ve only been dating for seven months, but we were platonic friends for over six years. Throughout our friendship, we both went to law school, he went to rehab, I developed my own addiction while in school, and he was supportive of me through that. He was sober for five years by the time we decided to take our relationship to the next step. Very quickly, he became controlling and physically abusive. He never hit me, but we’ve all heard that before. He eventually relapsed. Since then, it has progressively gotten worse and worse, in all aspects. We both have. But I fear he is close to hitting rock bottom and could possibly lose his job. The texts are from this morning, where he is asking for me to come over and throw away his drugs. He also had a very serious suicide attempt when he was younger that led to him being committed. I am the only person who knows the state of his mental health. He has bipolar I, I have borderline personality disorder. Yes, a recipe for disaster… but he’s my best friend. No one has ever known me at the level that he does, and I don’t think anyone has ever known him in the way that I do. At this point, our relationship has involved our families and our friends. We both know it has to end. But I struggle with the guilt of knowing that he is at his lowest, and deep down I feel I can’t abandon him. I just need guidance, reassurance, advice… anything. I don’t know how to handle this.