I stopped drinking for a month just to see if it would make a difference - if I'd stop shaking, trembling with fear. If the nightmares would stop. It made no difference.
If you are trying to sober up - do it. This is not some silly tirade against sobriety. This is just about me.
I thought if I stopped drinking I wouldn't be scared anymore. I was wrong. I don't feel more or less scared.
I still shake, not from withdrawal. From genuine fear. The nightmares are still there. My chances of dying from alcohol poisoning have gone down slightly, but its all still there.
I was sober and well rested and still. Still the future of our species fucking haunts me.
I need help for a lot of reasons but not because of my collapse awareness. It wasn't just booze. I see it now.
If you aren't terrified - you're the crazy one. And I'm afraid of your casual indifference.