u/Accurate-Neck6933

It’s 7 am, and I’m checking in for a lab appt. An acquaintance sees me and follows me into the room. She works there and proceeds to tell me she is sorry for my loss and then ramble on about some other stuff. My brain is not there, I’m trying to function out in public, there is another complete stranger in front of me that is trying to check me in. And now I have this awkwardness. (Remember how we are tired of telling random strangers that our spouse died?) and now that complete stranger is saying sorry for my loss. I really just wanted to get my labs done and not deal with this.

I know people mean well. But I feel like when you are a widow and you are out in public, you are just trying to cope. Like if you want to say sorry for your loss, I feel like it should be said privately or timing should be key. I’m just tired. This would be a reason for moving to a new town to start over.

Labs. Does anyone else have vein issues? It’s getting worse as far as these guys not being able to find my veins. 4 different pokes today. I cant even donate blood, my blood just clots up.

I read I can’t use an FSA but I could use a 403b or 457b to lower income for the purposes of health marketplace?

I’m interested in traveling to possibly Cook Islands, Tahiti, Fiji, maybe Guam. Are there certain islands that are friendlier to solo travelers vs. ones to be avoided? I also don’t want to be stuck with a bunch of honeymooners as that would make me feel awkward. I’m in my 50’s so happily have started to become “invisible.” Any fun suggestions? I like swimming, snorkeling and laying on the beach.

It’s been tough this week. Overwhelmed by the amount of projects I have to finish. My husband was an outdoors person. Now that it’s nice outside, everything he was in the middle of working on is out there. All his tools and I don’t know what is what. I had to ask for help today and it was hard. I just want to be “done” but stuff keeps coming at me. It’s costing lots of money as well. I didn’t sign up for this and it’s making me feel depressed and out of control. Like I don’t have a say in my own life. Even if I were to just sell this house, I’d still have to deal with this stuff before could. I’m just tired and stressed and overwhelmed. How has your week been?

Guys, yesterday I took my liothyronine pill (t3). I take it whenever my energy feels low in the afternoon. My throat got sore within an hour. It did not feel like a regular sore throat but I felt out of it with a headache and like my thyroid was swollen. It kinda freaked me out. I took an ibuprofen and hoped for the best. Today it’s no longer swollen. What the heck just happened? I’m due to have some labs done

I

I’ve been keeping the sorrow at bay by not thinking, numbing, and distracting. But it seeped through today and I can’t bear the thought that my husband had minutes to say goodbye, to know he wouldn’t see our child again, to say goodbye to all the worldly possessions and dreams he had. To let go of this life on earth.

As the stroke took hold, words and movements were stripped away. I didn’t realize those were his last minutes, his last words, I kept feeling he would be saved somehow at the hospital. We had seen miracles before. We both knew this stroke would be coming for him one day, it was in the cards but I wasn’t ready. I thought we could overcome it.

The surgeon said he tried so hard, the surgeon wouldn’t look at me. I couldn’t fully understand what it meant until the next day when they said the words palliative care. Somehow, my world got turned upside down where suddenly I had to lead others through this grief stricken process of dying, when I knew nothing of it myself. I had to reassure and comfort people.

Today, I thought I would try to deal with the phone. I got as far as backing up the photos to my laptop. But I don’t think I can go any further. The memories, the life lived that came to a screeching halt. The photos of me, his family, his work, our pets, our house. All dreams he had to say goodbye to in an instant.

The Power of We

It used to be we, but now it’s just me

I overhear others casually speaking

Of their plans day to day. They have the freedom of looking to the future.

So strongly, and certainly they say it…WE.

“This week we will….We have plans to….When we retire we will…Together we’ll travel…When we go out to….We will visit…”

In the back of my head it irks me, this one word. They know not how tenuous it is, two me’s tethered together not by a rope but by a mere thread. A thin silken line that can break with the snap of a finger.

A wrong turn and a life changed, changed back suddenly to a distinct me. Now we join the ranks of the onlies, the singles, the solos, the divorcees. We are the widowed, this is our new we.