I really need some help because I feel like I'm losing my mind. I love this woman more than anything, but the psychological games she's playing are just brutal. I did everything for her—brought her to Germany, provided a high-end apartment, everything. I earn more than double what she does (she’s on about 1k a month) and right now she’s living in a tiny 10sqm room in a WG. Her health is even failing, her teeth are literally falling out and I even offered to pay for the dentist out of love.
The crazy part? She cheated on me. I went no contact for 3 weeks but then I broke it because I wanted to fight for us. I unblocked her and told her I forgave her. Last Thursday we met at my place and it was so tender... kissing, touching, she told me she loved me and wanted to rebuild. This is a woman who told me on our first date "You are already mine" and just last week posted a pic of my teddy bear on IG with the same caption: "You’re already mine... you just don't know it yet 🧸".
But then everything flipped. Since last Friday she went cold. This Thursday she turned into a total monster. She started mocking my finances, laughing and saying I only write to her because I ran out of money (which is insane because I’m the stable one). She claimed she "ended things a month ago"—a total lie since we were literally kissing last week.
Then she saw I went for coffee with a female acquaintance and she had a total meltdown. She told me to "fuck off to that girl" but then claimed she has a new boyfriend sitting right next to her and doesn't have time to talk. But get this—she spent hours arguing with me instead of being with him? And she started mocking my loyalty with "Hahaha, you're so faithful! 😂😂😂". It felt so cruel since she’s the one who cheated.
Even though she says to leave her alone, she watches every single one of my stories within 8 minutes from a burner account. She even sends me screenshots of my own stories! If she's so happy and moved on, why the constant stalking? Why the jealousy over a coffee date?
I’m stuck in Leipzig, feeling like I’m haunted by two different people. The girl who kissed me Friday and the monster who calls me trash now. Is the new guy even real or just a prop to hurt me? Why won't she just let me go if I'm so "worthless" to her?
u/According-Ear5629
Need help / Advice
I am reaching out because I feel like I am being systematically dismantled by a woman I gave everything to. I need an outside perspective on whether this is a classic narcissistic cycle of "idealize, devalue, discard."
The Sacrifice vs. Her Current Reality:
I provided a life for this woman she could never have dreamed of. I brought her to Germany, we lived in a high-end apartment, and I supported her entirely. I earn more than double her salary (€1000/month). Currently, she lives in a tiny 10-square-meter room in a shared flat (WG). Her life is falling apart:
• Physical Decay: Her teeth are in a horrific state—they are literally falling out. I offered to pay for a dentist out of love, but she refused.
• Financial Ruin: I am currently stuck with two loans because of her. She has debts with o2 and is threatening to cancel contracts just to spite me.
The "Ownership" Narrative:
On our very first date, she looked me in the eyes and said: "You are already mine." It was an intense claim of ownership. She reinforced this only a few days ago, on April 30th, posting a photo of my teddy bear with the caption: "You’re already mine... you just don't know it yet 🧸**".
The Betrayal and the "False Recovery":
She cheated on me. Despite this, I unblocked her after a 3-week break and told her I forgave her.
• Last Thursday: We met at my house. She was tender, we were kissing, and she said she loved me and wanted to rebuild.
• Last Friday: We went for a walk, she kissed me goodbye, and everything seemed fine.
The Brutal Devaluation & Mockery (This Thursday):
After two weeks of silence, she turned into a monster.
• Mocking my Loyalty: When I mentioned I remained faithful, she literally started mocking me with laughing emojis: "Hahaha, you're so faithful! 😂😂😂"**. She treated my loyalty like it was a joke, which is devastating considering she was the one who cheated.
• The Coffee Meltdown: I went for coffee with a female acquaintance. She lost it, telling me to "fuck off to that girl" while simultaneously claiming she "doesn't care" and has a new boyfriend sitting next to her.
• Projection & Gaslighting: She mocked my finances (though I earn 2x more) and claimed she "ended things a month ago"—a total lie, as we were kissing and acting like a couple last week.
Evidence of Obsession (The "Circus"):
If she truly "moved on," why the circus?
- Stalking: She watches every one of my stories within 8 minutes from a burner account.
- Screenshots: She sends me screenshots of my own stories to prove she is monitoring me.
- The New Guy: She claims she is with a new boyfriend, yet spent hours in a heated argument with me. Truly happy people don't do this.
My Analysis:
I believe she is in a phase of extreme devaluation. She mocks my loyalty because it makes her feel less guilty about her own cheating. She is trying to devalue the "prize" (me) because she knows she can no longer afford the life I gave her.
My Question to the Community:
Why would someone who "moved on" mock their ex's faithfulness with "😂😂😂" and rage about a simple coffee date? Is this just a desperate attempt to maintain control now that she's lost the apartment and the stability I provided?
Need help / Advice
I am reaching out because I feel like I am being systematically dismantled by a woman I gave everything to. I need an outside perspective on whether this is a classic narcissistic cycle of "idealize, devalue, discard."
The Sacrifice vs. Her Current Reality:
I provided a life for this woman she could never have dreamed of. I brought her to Germany, we lived in a high-end apartment, and I supported her entirely. I earn more than double her salary (€1000/month). Currently, she lives in a tiny 10-square-meter room in a shared flat (WG). Her life is falling apart:
• Physical Decay: Her teeth are in a horrific state—they are literally falling out. I offered to pay for a dentist out of love, but she refused.
• Financial Ruin: I am currently stuck with two loans because of her. She has debts with o2 and is threatening to cancel contracts just to spite me.
The "Ownership" Narrative:
On our very first date, she looked me in the eyes and said: "You are already mine." It was an intense claim of ownership. She reinforced this only a few days ago, on April 30th, posting a photo of my teddy bear with the caption: "You’re already mine... you just don't know it yet 🧸**".
The Betrayal and the "False Recovery":
She cheated on me. Despite this, I unblocked her after a 3-week break and told her I forgave her.
• Last Thursday: We met at my house. She was tender, we were kissing, and she said she loved me and wanted to rebuild.
• Last Friday: We went for a walk, she kissed me goodbye, and everything seemed fine.
The Brutal Devaluation & Mockery (This Thursday):
After two weeks of silence, she turned into a monster.
• Mocking my Loyalty: When I mentioned I remained faithful, she literally started mocking me with laughing emojis: "Hahaha, you're so faithful! 😂😂😂"**. She treated my loyalty like it was a joke, which is devastating considering she was the one who cheated.
• The Coffee Meltdown: I went for coffee with a female acquaintance. She lost it, telling me to "fuck off to that girl" while simultaneously claiming she "doesn't care" and has a new boyfriend sitting next to her.
• Projection & Gaslighting: She mocked my finances (though I earn 2x more) and claimed she "ended things a month ago"—a total lie, as we were kissing and acting like a couple last week.
Evidence of Obsession (The "Circus"):
If she truly "moved on," why the circus?
- Stalking: She watches every one of my stories within 8 minutes from a burner account.
- Screenshots: She sends me screenshots of my own stories to prove she is monitoring me.
- The New Guy: She claims she is with a new boyfriend, yet spent hours in a heated argument with me. Truly happy people don't do this.
My Analysis:
I believe she is in a phase of extreme devaluation. She mocks my loyalty because it makes her feel less guilty about her own cheating. She is trying to devalue the "prize" (me) because she knows she can no longer afford the life I gave her.
My Question to the Community:
Why would someone who "moved on" mock their ex's faithfulness with "😂😂😂" and rage about a simple coffee date? Is this just a desperate attempt to maintain control now that she's lost the apartment and the stability I provided?
After 3 weeks of no contact with a toxic and narcissistic woman, I reached out to her… I still love her and miss her… even though she cheated on me and used me to get a better life in Germany. We met on Thursday — there was tenderness, kissing, and touch. She said she cares about me too, loves me, and wants to rebuild things. But on Friday she said she does whatever she wants and that she’s not in a relationship with me.
She watched every one of my Instagram stories, and for the past week, more than ever before, constantly. She keeps posting stories about how happy she is, in new clothes and so on. For example, yesterday she posted a story where she’s sitting on a wall with a friend drinking beer — something she never did when she was with me. And she was never this active on Instagram before. I don’t know if all of this is directed at me because she sees that I’m watching… Can someone help me?
My mom says that when things start going badly for her or it doesn’t work out with another guy, and she realizes no one treated her the way I did, she’ll start texting and calling me — which I doubt.
Two days ago I sent her this message:
Before you leave this relationship — unless you already have — at least stop for a moment. Go back in your thoughts to the first moment we met. To how your heart became lighter. Remember the first time I made you smile effortlessly, the conversations that made you feel seen, the moments that were safe, gentle, and special.
And now ask yourself, Wiktoria… do you really want to lose all of that? Is our bond really that worthless to you? Are you trying to forget the love that everything started with?
Think about the nights when I held you, the plans we had together, and the version of you that was happiest with me. Are you sure you want to live without the person who once felt like home to you? We both messed up, but I never thought about throwing all of this away.
I’m not writing this to argue or to make you angry. Believe me, I respect your decision and day by day I’m coming to terms with the fact that we’re no longer together, even though my broken heart tells me otherwise.
In the end, you’ll do what you think is right, and if you truly live better without me, then so be it. I just needed to get this off my chest. If you ever change your mind and want to talk, I’m open. And at least once, I’d like to hear everything from your perspective.
She read it and didn’t respond…