u/Accomplished_Ruin_59

I never get fulfillment when I get done with a task, be it a short or an ongoing one, or no matter what its difficulty level is. I always am in an urgency to get it over with as soon as possible. Normally people get a sense of accomplishment and a further drive to do the thing, especially when they know that its good for them. But for me, its only relief that I don't have to deal with that for the time being, and I dread the time that I will get back to it again, if I have to. This goes for working out, skill development, studying, cleaning etc.

I never get fulfillment when I get done with a task, be it a short or an ongoing one, or no matter what its difficulty level is. I always am in an urgency to get it over with as soon as possible. Normally people get a sense of accomplishment and a further drive to do the thing, especially when they know that its good for them. But for me, its only relief that I don't have to deal with that for the time being, and I dread the time that I will get back to it again, if I have to. This goes for working out, skill development, studying, cleaning etc.

I never get fulfillment when I get done with a task, be it a short or an ongoing one, or no matter what its difficulty level is. I always am in an urgency to get it over with as soon as possible. Normally people get a sense of accomplishment and a further drive to do the thing, especially when they know that its good for them. But for me, its only relief that I don't have to deal with that for the time being, and I dread the time that I will get back to it again, if I have to. This goes for working out, skill development, studying, cleaning etc.

Almost 30F. Married, have bachelors and masters. But extremely bad working memory. It's painfully bad. I still zone out during lectures, and during work I couldn't wait for the work to be over, and really dreaded the same old routine every single day and sometimes struggled to even get started. Working and studying seems like a huge burden to me. I am unemployed from this month and have some savings to go by but I know I would need to apply to jobs soon. But I hate working and when I am not working, I feel like I am falling behind. Undergoing verbal therapy and taking Buprorpion 150mg but its not making any difference. I am also severely impulsive, especially in stressful moments. I do or say or type things that I have no control over. On the outside, I look like I am doing a great job but inside no one knows how much I am breaking and how much I know I need to improve but can't. I had a late start also, had a sort of "glowup" in terms of how I carry myself and also in terms of my studies and professional life for a bit. But it's all superficial and I feel like I have no depth and all surface level knowledge. I just want some motivation and want to be better. Had quite some trauma in the past also but I don't wanna get into the details of that now. Just want advice on how to make things better. Also I can't remember directions and mess up right and left and it's such a huge problem for me to navigate without maps. I just keep breaking down thinking how hard everything is for me. I also have random hyperfixations on people or things ever since I was little, and I take solace from real world by maladaptive daydreaming. Sometimes even when I am doing important things.

Hey! I am 30, Married, have bachelors and masters. But extremely bad working memory. It's painfully bad. I still zone out during lectures, and during work I couldn't wait for the work to be over, and really dreaded the same old routine every single day and sometimes struggled to even get started. Working and studying seems like a huge burden to me. I am unemployed from this month and have some savings to go by but I know I would need to apply to jobs soon. But I hate working and when I am not working, I feel like I am falling behind. Undergoing verbal therapy and taking Buprorpion 150mg but its not making any difference. I am also severely impulsive, especially in stressful moments. I do or say or type things that I have no control over. On the outside, I look like I am doing a great job but inside no one knows how much I am breaking and how much I know I need to improve but can't. I had a late start also, had a sort of "glowup" in terms of how I carry myself and also in terms of my studies and professional life for a bit. But it's all superficial and I feel like I have no depth and all surface level knowledge. I just want some motivation and want to be better. Had quite some trauma in the past also but I don't wanna get into the details of that now. Just want advice on how to make things better. Also I can't remember directions and mess up right and left and it's such a huge problem for me to navigate without maps. I just keep breaking down thinking how hard everything is for me.

Almost 30F. Married, have bachelors and masters. But extremely bad working memory. It's painfully bad. I still zone out during lectures, and during work I couldn't wait for the work to be over, and really dreaded the same old routine every single day and sometimes struggled to even get started. Working and studying seems like a huge burden to me. I am unemployed from this month and have some savings to go by but I know I would need to apply to jobs soon. But I hate working and when I am not working, I feel like I am falling behind. Undergoing verbal therapy and taking Buprorpion 150mg but its not making any difference. I am also severely impulsive, especially in stressful moments. I do or say or type things that I have no control over. On the outside, I look like I am doing a great job but inside no one knows how much I am breaking and how much I know I need to improve but can't. I had a late start also, had a sort of "glowup" in terms of how I carry myself and also in terms of my studies and professional life for a bit. But it's all superficial and I feel like I have no depth and all surface level knowledge. I just want some motivation and want to be better. Had quite some trauma in the past also but I don't wanna get into the details of that now. Just want advice on how to make things better. Also I can't remember directions and mess up right and left and it's such a huge problem for me to navigate without maps. I just keep breaking down thinking how hard everything is for me.

Almost 30F. Married, have bachelors and masters. But extremely bad working memory. It's painfully bad. I still zone out during lectures, and during work I couldn't wait for the work to be over, and really dreaded the same old routine every single day and sometimes struggled to even get started. Working and studying seems like a huge burden to me. I am unemployed from this month and have some savings to go by but I know I would need to apply to jobs soon. But I hate working and when I am not working, I feel like I am falling behind. Undergoing verbal therapy and taking Buprorpion 150mg but its not making any difference. I am also severely impulsive, especially in stressful moments. I do or say or type things that I have no control over. On the outside, I look like I am doing a great job but inside no one knows how much I am breaking and how much I know I need to improve but can't. I had a late start also, had a sort of "glowup" in terms of how I carry myself and also in terms of my studies and professional life for a bit. But it's all superficial and I feel like I have no depth and all surface level knowledge. I just want some motivation and want to be better. Had quite some trauma in the past also but I don't wanna get into the details of that now. Just want advice on how to make things better. Also I can't remember directions and mess up right and left and it's such a huge problem for me to navigate without maps. I just keep breaking down thinking how hard everything is for me.

Hey everyone. Almost 30F. Currently in the process of looking for jobs after working as an RA after my masters. But I am really burnt out. Not in the mental state to work let alone commit to a phD but I don't want a break in my career. My partner is also unemployed for 5 months. We do have some savings to go by but we are really depressed. I hate that I align only with phD roles but I am just too mentally exhausted to commit to something that serious atleast for some upcoming months. But then again, I know that getting jobs won't get easier if I don't apply or take a break to recharge for some months. I do have anxiety, depression, previous trauma and taking depression meds for a month, and went through many verbal therapy sessions. Moved abroad with my partner and life's peaceful but rough in terms of professional life. The thought of moving to another country if I get a phD or a good opportunity and starting all over is also making me anxious. I don't want to return to my home country just yet also. I thought I would be ready or cut out for a phD but turns out I am not. Not as hard working or talented or mentally gritty. Have a background in CS.

Hey everyone. Almost 30F. Currently in the process of looking for jobs after working as an RA after my masters. But I am really burnt out. Not in the mental state to work let alone commit to a phD but I don't want a break in my career. My partner is also unemployed for 5 months. We do have some savings to go by but we are really depressed. I hate that I align only with phD roles but I am just too mentally exhausted to commit to something that serious atleast for some upcoming months. But then again, I know that getting jobs won't get easier if I don't apply or take a break to recharge for some months. I do have anxiety, depression, previous trauma and taking depression meds for a month, and went through many verbal therapy sessions. Moved abroad with my partner and life's peaceful but rough in terms of professional life. The thought of moving to another country if I get a phD or a good opportunity and starting all over is also making me anxious. I don't want to return to my home country just yet also. I thought I would be ready or cut out for a phD but turns out I am not. Not as hard working or talented or mentally gritty. Have a background in CS.

Hey everyone. Almost 30F. Currently in the process of looking for jobs after working as an RA after my masters. But I am really burnt out. Not in the mental state to work let alone commit to a phD but I don't want a break in my career. My partner is also unemployed for 5 months. We do have some savings to go by but we are really depressed. I hate that I align only with phD roles but I am just too mentally exhausted to commit to something that serious atleast for some upcoming months. But then again, I know that getting jobs won't get easier if I don't apply or take a break to recharge for some months. I do have anxiety, depression, previous trauma and taking depression meds for a month, and went through many verbal therapy sessions. Moved abroad with my partner and life's peaceful but rough in terms of professional life. The thought of moving to another country if I get a phD or a good opportunity and starting all over is also making me anxious. I don't want to return to my home country just yet also. I thought I would be ready or cut out for a phD but turns out I am not. Not as hard working or talented or mentally gritty. Have a background in CS.

Hey everyone. Almost 30F. Currently in the process of looking for jobs after working as an RA after my masters. But I am really burnt out. Not in the mental state to work let alone commit to a phD but I don't want a break in my career. My partner is also unemployed for 5 months. We do have some savings to go by but we are really depressed. I hate that I align only with phD roles but I am just too mentally exhausted to commit to something that serious atleast for some upcoming months. But then again, I know that getting jobs won't get easier if I don't apply or take a break to recharge for some months. I do have anxiety, depression, previous trauma and taking depression meds for a month, and went through many verbal therapy sessions. Moved abroad with my partner and life's peaceful but rough in terms of professional life. The thought of moving to another country if I get a phD or a good opportunity and starting all over is also making me anxious. I don't want to return to my home country just yet also.