r/waiting_to_try

My husband (35/m) and I (30/f) have been waiting to try until this cycle. I feel very secure in our relationship—we’ve spent a LOT of time talking about everything, and we’re on the same page about all of the important things. We’re also fortunate to be in a good place financially (own our home (with a mortgage), stable jobs, decent paid maternity leave, etc.).

We decided to start this cycle mostly because of timing. If it happens in the next few cycles, it would line up really well with my husband’s schedule (he’s a teacher, so my leave would either end when his summer break starts or overlap with it), so we don’t want to keep putting it off.

But for some reason I am SO anxious about it. I spent so many years trying to avoid getting pregnant that it feels really weird to suddenly switch into the mindset of actually trying. Like logically I know we’re ready, and I do want this, but thinking about it makes me almost sick to my stomach and kind of irritable.

I’m also ADHD (and have approval to stay on my meds), but I’m worried about everything that goes along with being both ADHD and possibly pregnant.

TBH I’m not super sure the point of this post. Any advice? Solidarity? Idk.

Going to start trying in July instead of waiting until September-October now. I am SO SO excited!!!

Decided to stop birth control next week! We've felt nothing but reassurance over the past month that this is the time to not necessarily "try" but not prevent haha

Anybody wanna play devils advocate and talk me out of it? We are 24 and 26, together for 7 years and married for 3 years. We're debt free and both have stable jobs, and could make one income work if/when necessary. House is big enough for another person, we've raised a puppy together. I know we aren't guaranteed to get pregnant right away but still. Fire away!

(Will also take all the encouragement haha)

I’m aI’m in my early 30s (Male), and the idea of having children rarely crosses my mind. When people ask me about it, my answer always seems to be somewhat of a wishy-washy answer. “Sure. I wouldn’t mind”

Would it be amazing to grow the family and see a little me running around, of course!! Am I good at supporting myself and having the flexibility to essentially continue doing whatever I want? Honestly? Yeah.

I’m feeling some type of way when my mom casually asks about it. She’s never pressuring me of course. Her concern is that when she’s gone, she wants for there to be family around me, which I understand. Do I want her to have the experience of having grandchildren? Yes.

I should have a strong stance on one or the other, but I don’t.

My husband 24m and I 23f want to try for a baby soon. We have everything we need. A house, a car, both stable jobs but I am working on a nursing diploma however it will take a long time. We have wanted to try for a child for a long time and we just don’t see putting it off any further will help at all. We will have support (a retired nurse who runs a daycare that we trust) lined up and we feel very good about this decision. It was not made lightly.

The problem is telling my parents. My parents worry a lot and they think we don’t have money and kind of still treat us like children (they are always trying to help us out but we are ok!) and I don’t think they will take this well. I think they will worry a lot about us. Should we wait to tell them or just tell them when we are pregnant?

I'm worried that means my future baby will be more at risk for certain disabilities, etc. I know I've had plenty of woman tell me that they smoked up until they found out and they were ok.

I've been reducing how much I smoke, and I had intentions of quitting 3 months prior to trying, but I haven't been successful in fully quitting. I know when the time comes and if/when I get pregnant, I will quit.

But I'm really worried because during my 20s I did not want kids so I didn't care about fertility.

Can anyone else relate?

Some backstory, I’ve had depression, anxiety, and ocd forever and I went on cymbalta last year and it changed my life. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to be on it while ttc and pregnancy and I was really worried I would have to change meds or go off entirely.

I had an appt with my GYN today and she said I should be totally fine to stay on the medication for ttc and pregnancy. I’m so relieved 😅

My (34M) partner vapes. Outside of this he has no bad habits… he eats well, works out, gets his steps in, etc etc. he use to smoke and now vapes.

I am so crazily terrified any child we conceive will have issues because of it.

Can anyone say anything helpful to calm my anxiety down?

Thank you!!

As I wait, and want, I am trying to temper my expectations and excitement. I want it all so badly and I'm deeply jealous of other parents and moms around me. But I do worry I'm romantasizing it all. So then I try to think of all the horror stories I've heard, and remembering the reality of screaming babies, kiddos not listening, all the ways I could be a bad mom. But then I just oscillate into fear. I understand the reality will be somewhere in the middle.

So idk guess I'm just curious if others perspectives and realities. For those graduated, is parenthood as amazing as you imagined? As terrible as you feared?

Hi everyone! My husband (27) and I (28) have been together for 5 years and married for 1. We both have careers and a house. When we first started dating we both said we wanted kids in the future. After we got married, we would talk about kids here and there. I told him I didn’t want to wait past turning 30 and he agreed. Last summer I ended up changing my mind. I can’t describe it exactly but something within me changed and I wanted to start trying sooner. Of course my husband was caught off guard when I told him. He said no and that he wasn’t ready due to us already agreeing on trying in a couple years. I could understand he was used to that idea and how he felt. He felt I was rushing into this process and would say to me that another year from now is not a long time. We kept having more and more conversations about potentially trying this year. In January of this year, he agreed to try for a baby this summer but the conditions were from July-October we would do check in’s to see if he was comfortable with it. Being that October would be the cut off month where if he said no to all the other months, it would for sure happen in October. The other condition was to not purposefully try for a baby but not do anything to prevent it. He said he felt more comfortable doing it that way. I was so excited to have made a compromise. Naturally being excited, I want to talk about baby stuff all the time and send him cute parenting videos. I can tell though that sometimes it puts him off. I feel that he’s not nearly as excited as I am to start a family within the bounds we agreed upon. Recently I asked how he felt about our situation and if there was maybe a chance he felt ready now and he isn’t. He asked what he could do to make me feel better and I said being more involved with talking about our future children would make me happy. He said he would do that more but he can’t promise he’ll talk as excitedly as I do about it. I’ve cried so much, watching my friends become moms and I am not. It feels like it will never happen - I just feel like he will push it off til the last minute. He says he understands that I want to be a mom but I don’t think he understands the heart ache I feel, I don’t think he truly gets it. I’m trying so hard to be patient but as we get closer to the summer, the harder and harder it gets. He is not a risk taker and I know he’s scared of all the “what if’s” that comes with having kids. I’m sorry for rambling but I wanted to write into a community hoping to get some advice or insight from other women potentially going through something similar.

Bom, o título resume bem, mas quero contextualizar tudo porque preciso de opniões de fora, para entender se estou tomada por algum tipo de cegueira emocional ou não.

Tenho 29 (30 em julho) e meu marido tem 33 (34 em setembro), estamos juntos há 7 anos, temos casa própria, que é onde moramos, um apartamento que estamos pagando (parcelas sendo pagas pelo próprio aluguel), carro próprio, moto e uma vida estável, por assim dizer.

Empreendemos juntos desde 2021 e, graças a Deus, esse ano começamos a colher os frutos desse negócio, ainda não estamos onde queremos chegar com ele, mas estamos evoluindo e percebendo isso. Além de empreendedora, eu recentemente voltei a trabalhar na minha área numa empresa multinacional, não ganho mal, mas também não é um valor exorbitante. Quis o trabalho CLT principalmente por conta do convênio médico que eles oferecem, que é ótimo, já pensando em engravidar. Ele, alem do que recebe da nossa empresa, as vezes faz alguns trabalhos por fora (que dão uma renda legal pra ele, mas que ele não quer continuar fazendo, porque deseja viver somente da empresa e tal).

Bom, vamos agora ao que me aflige…

Ano passado eu quis loucamente ter um filho, mas ele não queria e me pediu pra gente esperar, então eu falei pra ele que não queria que passasse de 2026, porque eu não quero ser mãe muito mais velha que 30 anos e também por ser um forte desejo que todo dia pulsa no meu coração. Ele concordou que esse ano a gente iria começar a tentar engravidar. Porém, cá estamos.. 2026 e eu achei que agora ia dar certo, fui ontem à ginecologista, ele me acompanhou, pedi todos exames, comecei a tomar o ácido fólico, simplesmente para hoje ele virar e me dizer que não acha que é a hora certa ainda…. Sério, to BEM frustrada com isso e não sei se eu estou sendo muito emocionada ou ele está sendo muito egotista, sei lá.

Motivos que ele justificou não querer agora:

- ele quer aumentar a reserva de emergência dele, ou seja, quer ter mais dinheiro guardando e estar mais estável

- quer que a empresa esteja mais rentável antes que eu engravide, temos um projeto que ainda está no papel para esse ano, um projeto de expansão, e ele quer que a gente finalize isso e que isso comece a dar certo para só depois disso começar a tentar

- quer, principalmente, estar vivendo apenas da empresa para não ter que continuar tendo que fazer outros serviços pra complementar renda

Bom, basicamente é isso… tudo sobre as finanças. E eu até concordo com ele e obviamente acho que quanto mais dinheiro / renda / estável um casal estiver pra ter filho, melhor. Isso é inegável. Porém, eu sinto que não consigo esperar mais 2/3 anos. Pela quantia de valor $ que ele me passou que quer aumentar na reserva de emergência, na minha cabeça, levaria no mínimo 2 anos. E toda vez que paro para pensar em esperar mais esse tempo, me parte o coração, a garganta dá um nó, eu choro e não consigo aceitar internamente.

Eu acho que nós poderíamos começar em julho desse ano, com nossa realidade atual e fazer as coisas acontecerem, sabe? Continuar trabalhando, investindo e correndo atrás… a vida não pararia e nem nossos projetos. Felizmente tenho rede de apoio e acredito que daríamos conta, eu e ele.

As vezes me parece que a régua dele sempre vai subir, sempre que chegarmos lá, vai ter outra coisa que precisa estar melhor ou pronta antes da gente ter um filho.

Estou muito chateada, é assunto que mexe muito comigo e por isso estou aqui buscando opiniões, não quero ser só emocional, mas também não quero deixar que ele escolha e definam algo tão importante assim pra mim, somente baseado no que ele espera.

Enfim… não consigo nem conversar com ele sobre isso hoje sem chorar. por isso saí de casa e estou dando uma volta na cidade. Chegando em casa, queria estar mais pronta e certa do que falar.

Me ajudem, por favor.

For a little background, I'm in my mid thirties and have had a hormonal IUD for 6 years (replaced once in that time). At this point I'm leaning towards either remaining childfree or considering alternative paths to parenting, but I'm not 100% ready to write off the possibility completely.

I did seek out the advice of my PCP and Gyno, and the entire experience was incredibly frustrating as my PCP refused to discuss at all, and the Gyno basically told me if I wasn't sure now, I wasn't the parenting type. Also there was no point in exploring any tests or options because fertility isn't an exact science and I just as likely as not am going through early menopause (her logic was based on my request for hormonal testing as I had an huge unexplained drop in libido occur very suddenly about a year ago). Obviously I'd like to see a different doctor, but my PCP won't refer to anyone else, so I need to replace her first, and it will likely be a year before I can do so.

In the men time, has anyone found it helpful to test AMH independently, even while on hormonal birth control? I understand the results can still be very skewed/understated, but my thought process was it could at least provide a data point for me to work with where if it's extremely low I know I have to suck it up and remove the IUD if I want a better baseline, or simply accept that if I continue to wait I may already be making my final decision. On the other hand if it's still relatively normal, then maybe I do have a little bit of time?

This is going to be a super vulnerable post for me and my first post on Reddit. I am 36 years old, just over 5 feet and I’m currently 211 pounds. I have struggled with my weight my entire teenage and adult life, thankfully not developing any eating disorders. I am finally in my dream relationship, we’ve been together over a year now and we want to be parents in the future. My partner is turning 53 next month and we have known each other for years. He’s my best friend. He says we are both not in shape to be parents yet and he said he won’t agree to have a child with me unless we both lose weight.

I try to eat well and get exercise - I walk quite a lot for my job luckily. But I have a bad habit of getting a venti Starbucks dirty chai and a chocolate cookie almost daily. I used to drink Coke Zero everyday but I stopped drinking it aside from the odd special occasion. I hardly drink alcohol but I do find myself needing chocolate most and chips sometimes (these are my partners weakness).

My weight has had me emotionally down lately. It just feels like the finish line to losing weight is so unattainable for some reason. I find myself always feeling tired and dreading walks which really sucks.

Any tips for me on how to get started to get this stubborn weight off? I have an Oura ring that I got as a Christmas gift this year and I love the statistics it provides. I’m just nervous I’m running out of time to lose the weight in order to successfully get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy.

Apron belly and pregnant belly

I currently have an apron belly afrer losing 100 lbs. I have an appointment for smart lipo next week to assist with the last of the stubborn fat/tighten the skin. My question is; for those that had apron bellies beforehand for whatever reason, how did it change as your belly grew? Did it become bigger/more noticeable/look strange? I have a pre op tomorrow with the dr doing my procedure to discuss my questions and concerns about it. I want to look and feel good about myself now, but I also dont want the result to be "ruined" by a pregnant belly. So, my question is, should I go ahead and have the procedure done now, or wait until after? My husband and I are going to begin to try this fall/winter.

My best friend, my coworkers, my cousin, people I went to school with. I know I’m being dramatic but it’s a tough pill to swallow when I open social media every day and someone else is pregnant. I’m immensely happy for them and even threw a baby shower today for someone but when I got in my car afterwards I was so sad. Does anyone else feel this way?

Waiting to try

Hi everyone,

I’m currently taking a break from trying again after a second trimester loss. My next pregnancy will be considered high-risk, so I’m trying to be intentional about timing and stability, especially since a preventative cerclage is part of the plan. I also have PCOS, and in my previous journey the only thing that worked for me was stimulated cycles with Letrozole, I conceived on my 3rd stimulated cycle. That experience is also making me feel more aware that timing and treatment response can be unpredictable for me.

After my loss, I tried again for 3 cycles without success and reached a point where I felt emotionally and physically drained, so I paused. I’ve now completed 3 cycles on this break, and realistically I have about 2 cycles left before I originally planned to resume trying again

Here’s where things get complicated.

I have non-modifiable travel planned from late August to mid-October (about 6–7 weeks). I’ll have access to more advanced healthcare while away, which is reassuring, but it would not be with my usual doctor, and continuity of care especially for something like cerclage timing and monitoring is still a concern.

Timing-wise, if I start trying now (May) and conceive, I would be around:

16–18 weeks by late August (departure)

22–24 weeks by mid-October (return)

If I wait and try closer to August/September, then:

I would be around 4–10 weeks pregnant during travel, which feels like a much more fragile and uncertain phase. From what I understand, a preventative cerclage is typically placed around 12–14 weeks, which adds another layer ideally I’d want to be in a stable place with consistent medical follow-up during that window.

So I feel caught between competing priorities:

Starting now could mean being in a more stable second trimester during travel, and potentially having the cerclage placed before leaving but it also means entering mid-pregnancy while away from my usual care team

Waiting preserves control and continuity, but pushes everything further out, and emotionally that delay feels very heavy after already waiting and trying

What makes this even more complex is that with PCOS, I likely would need stimulated cycles again, and my past experience shows that even when it works, it can take multiple cycles so there’s no guarantee of immediate success anyway but who knows? It could also be right away on the first try!

So I feel stuck between two thoughts:

“Just try now and stop overthinking”

“Wait for the planned timing for safety and control”

Emotionally it’s getting harder instead of easier the closer I get to August, and I’m really struggling with the waiting even though I understand the practical reasons behind it.

Has anyone been through something similar, trying again after loss, PCOS/stimulated cycles, and needing to plan around travel and high-risk pregnancy care?

How did you balance timing vs control vs emotional readiness, especially when nothing feels like a perfect option?

Any advice or perspective would really help