u/clumbsyasalways

Hi everyone! My husband (27) and I (28) have been together for 5 years and married for 1. We both have careers and a house. When we first started dating we both said we wanted kids in the future. After we got married, we would talk about kids here and there. I told him I didn’t want to wait past turning 30 and he agreed. Last summer I ended up changing my mind. I can’t describe it exactly but something within me changed and I wanted to start trying sooner. Of course my husband was caught off guard when I told him. He said no and that he wasn’t ready due to us already agreeing on trying in a couple years. I could understand he was used to that idea and how he felt. He felt I was rushing into this process and would say to me that another year from now is not a long time. We kept having more and more conversations about potentially trying this year. In January of this year, he agreed to try for a baby this summer but the conditions were from July-October we would do check in’s to see if he was comfortable with it. Being that October would be the cut off month where if he said no to all the other months, it would for sure happen in October. The other condition was to not purposefully try for a baby but not do anything to prevent it. He said he felt more comfortable doing it that way. I was so excited to have made a compromise. Naturally being excited, I want to talk about baby stuff all the time and send him cute parenting videos. I can tell though that sometimes it puts him off. I feel that he’s not nearly as excited as I am to start a family within the bounds we agreed upon. Recently I asked how he felt about our situation and if there was maybe a chance he felt ready now and he isn’t. He asked what he could do to make me feel better and I said being more involved with talking about our future children would make me happy. He said he would do that more but he can’t promise he’ll talk as excitedly as I do about it. I’ve cried so much, watching my friends become moms and I am not. It feels like it will never happen - I just feel like he will push it off til the last minute. He says he understands that I want to be a mom but I don’t think he understands the heart ache I feel, I don’t think he truly gets it. I’m trying so hard to be patient but as we get closer to the summer, the harder and harder it gets. He is not a risk taker and I know he’s scared of all the “what if’s” that comes with having kids. I’m sorry for rambling but I wanted to write into a community hoping to get some advice or insight from other women potentially going through something similar.