I was 15, and he was 17. We were dating and had done sexual stuff earlier that day, but I went to sleep, and I woke up to him inside. I pushed him off and rolled over, clearly upset. I didn't say anything tho and later in the day we had sex because he wanted to. Does this count as sa? I was fully asleep, and I have no clue if it was sa or if I'm being dramatic? Can anyone help?
Hey everyone. English isn't my first language, sorry for the mistake i'll probably make. My ex bf used to rape me, and i often remember it. I've got flashbacks, smells, sounds, and mostly sensation.
I feel his hands on/in my body, his lips, his body against mine etc. It can make my legs weak, so sometimes it's difficult to walk for me.
Idk, i think it's normal but tbh i'm scared cuz i feel like i'll fall when i stand up, and add to flashback and quotes, it's become rly heavy.
I know my experience isn't as terrible as others, since i'm safe now...
When we hear abt rape, it's rare that we spoke abt the victims' minds. So idk what am i supposed to feel. And actually i don't feel dirty... I'm a bit lost.
Sometimes when i write abt ts, i realised i wouldn't say to other ppl what i say for me. Like... I shouldn't consider ts important, and that it's just "in my head". I feel like i don't deserve to be upset cuz he was my bf, and if i still feel his hands, it's that i do too much and invent.
I know it's wrong, but my brain don't wanna understand XD
So basically i would like to know if u feel the same as me. Or if u know someone who does.
I never thought I would be here. I never thought I would be the 1 in 3 women. I’ve heard other people’s stories, but it becomes to real when you experience it.
I’m an 18F, and he was a very good friend. At least, in the beginning he was.
I will give a bit of context. (Context will be in the hearts in case you wish to skip)
I’m a senior in highschool and he’s (M17) a junior. I just turned 18 and he’s been 17, if that makes sense.
❤️❤️In November of 2025, he and I started talking, but he ended things because he confessed he had a girlfriend. I shunned him from our table in 7th period and told him we could never be friends again. February 2026 he texted me, apologizing and saying how he knew he lost a very good friend. He started face timing me, and texting me and such and I said we could only be friends.
Well, one thing led to another and he was making “moves” on me and winking at me in class and I was falling for him all over again. He was so sweet with his words, I went over to his place and all we did was kiss. Another time he came over to my and I gave him head and suddenly he was texting less frequently, too busy to call, but always available to come over and having to leave in such a rush. He was my first time, and he didn’t even know it. I never told him I lost my virginity to him, and I don’t think I ever will. We’d done it a few times, consensually.
We would have our fights because he was texting less and I was hearing rumors there was another girl, and they were true. I cut him off, then one day I texted him again. I asked him if he wanted to come over and he said he didn’t want me. That made me sad but at least I had my answer. Then he texted me a week later, asking to hang out. I missed him, he was a good guy, I missed talking and hanging with him. I said “sure :)” and we made a plan for him to come over Wednesday after school. He was my friend, and I think I loved him.❤️❤️
We were gonna keep it on the low, like he’d wanted this entire time. He didn’t want anyone to know and I was trying, no one knew it was him that I was sneaking around with. It was a horrible on and off thing over the months of February and March, I liked him and he didn’t wanna be my boyfriend. If I could have one little piece of him, that would be okay, I’d be graduating soon anyways.
We were walking home from school to the car one day and his homeboy and hb girlfriend were there, and we were busted. But he still came home with me. It was all good at first. The first and second round was good, but I was beginning to get extremely tired, and I told him that. We laid down for a little and watched a movie and suddenly he was ready to go again. I said that was fine, but I was exhausted.
The third round was horrible. I remember my knees being at my ears for 15-20 minutes. My legs were shaking and they hurt, he was going too deep and I could feel myself burning. He was pushing the heels of his hands into my chest, his whole body weight being pushed onto me. Then he was pressing his hands down hard onto my stomach and I thought I was going to throw up. I told him hurt, I told him I wanted to stop. My legs were quaking hard and I was trying not to cry. My family was home and I wanted nothing more than for them not to hear. So I was asking him quietly and softly for him to stop, that it hurt and I was tired. “Shut up and take it. Cover your mouth.” So I did. And I closed my eyes and tried with everything in me not to make a sound. I was folded in a way that was hurting me and I couldn’t get out of it, my arms were crushed and he was so much stronger than me. “Shut the fuck up.” And I was trying not to cry in pain. “Take it.” I was just thinking about how my life would be in one hour, how it would be over soon, and my mind was completely else-where. I was anywhere but in that moment, thinking about whatever else I could put my mind on. He would grip my throat so hard I couldn’t breathe and I would feel blood rising to my head and my throat closing in. Every time he would choke me like this I’d think about the time he told me how to kill someone like that, so I’d comply.
I didn’t want to die. So as I gasped and wheezed, he’d let for for a bit and then slap my face hard.
Then he pulled out. “I’m not done with you.” While I’m moving to my side, panting and staring at him.
My legs were still shaking, I was still clutching the sheets and catching my breath. I don’t remember anything after that. I remember him telling me to get dressed after we were finished, my mom bought us some sandwiches, and she’d just gotten home. I was still processing what happened and I got up and he got fully dressed. I went to go pee and when I wiped there was blood, not a lot but noticeable.
I didn’t know what to think of any of it. I cried myself to sleep that night in the same bed that he made me feel so small in. A day later I realized that he’d raped me. I looked at my body the next day because I was still hurting and my hips still had teeth marks in them, my ass had so many splotches of bruises from him hitting and slapping me so hard. My chest was bruised from where his hands were. My stomach so upset. I looked down there for the first time since it had happened and I had tore, no wonder it hurt so bad, she was all cracked and stretched and there was dried blood.
The next day I went to school and left early because I broke down in the middle of a quiz.
It’s been a week and a day and there are still lingering bruises. I told my mom today, and I’m going to press charges soon. I’ve been in and out of crying spells, I still have class with him. I can’t look at him, if hurts. I almost burst into tears earlier because I heard his voice.
I told my friend M and she’s been raped before, she understands. I feel like I’m dragging this out, I feel like I should be over it now. Having it all written down makes it seem so much worse than what my mind is telling me it is.
I want to tell the police, but I’m scared. I got my period on Saturday and it ended less than 24 hours later, I’m not pregnant, I’ve made sure. we also used condoms.
I’m hurting so bad, not outside anymore, just inside. I want to cry all the time, everything is too much.
Thank you for reading till the end.
English is not my first language, so sorry if I misspell some words.
Some context: I'm 18 (F18) and I'm dating someone Who is 16 (M16). Well, I say we are dating because we're in a situationship(? I really don't know anymore.
Last year he asked me to date him. I really liked him, but he was 15 and I was 17. I was scared, but his family loved me and they have always treated me amazingly (I have known them for a long time and I have family issues, so I felt that I was doing the wright things if they aproved our relationship).
I'm going to call this guy "P". So P is always horny. When I say always, I mean ALWAYS. I don't like sex that much, and I didn't want to do it with him because he's a minor and I know It isn't wright. I told him a lot of times I didn't want to do it, but I some point I just gave up because he insisted a lot.
I remember a few times that I said no, but P insisted too much I finally did it. But one day, I just said no. Hours passed, and he asked a lot of times. I always said no. And I don't really remember how, but I was lying on the floor and he started to take my clothes off. I told him not to do it one more time, but then I stopped isisting. He did what he wanted to. I didn't say anything. I was in the floor without moving, without saying anything. I felt horrible after that.
I confronted him later and I don't remember It well, but I think he was sorry. But I don't know, if he didn't want to hurt me, why would he do it?
I have some friends who knew our situation, except for the sa. They have implied they are uncomfortable with what I did (dating him). But I don't want to tell them what happened. I don't want them to hate him or blame me. I love his family, but I don't know if I can take this any longer. I don't want more drama.