Hey everyone. English isn't my first language, sorry for the mistake i'll probably make. My ex bf used to rape me, and i often remember it. I've got flashbacks, smells, sounds, and mostly sensation.
I feel his hands on/in my body, his lips, his body against mine etc. It can make my legs weak, so sometimes it's difficult to walk for me.
Idk, i think it's normal but tbh i'm scared cuz i feel like i'll fall when i stand up, and add to flashback and quotes, it's become rly heavy.
I know my experience isn't as terrible as others, since i'm safe now...
When we hear abt rape, it's rare that we spoke abt the victims' minds. So idk what am i supposed to feel. And actually i don't feel dirty... I'm a bit lost.
Sometimes when i write abt ts, i realised i wouldn't say to other ppl what i say for me. Like... I shouldn't consider ts important, and that it's just "in my head". I feel like i don't deserve to be upset cuz he was my bf, and if i still feel his hands, it's that i do too much and invent.
I know it's wrong, but my brain don't wanna understand XD
So basically i would like to know if u feel the same as me. Or if u know someone who does.