r/pottytraining

Hello everyone

My partner and I have been trying to potty train our little one for over a year now.

Started her at 2 quickly realised it was two early and returned a few months before her 3rd birthday.

Initially didn't get pee or poos at all. Lots of accidents and lots of tears from her. Then we got some progress especially pees. Few accidents but was consistently going. Poos have always been challenging, she was holding and then doing big ones ( which were painful). Then she was going more consistently with tons of bribery and encouragement.

More recently things have moved in the other direction. Lots of pee accidents and she is getting really stressed about it. Smearing her underwear constantly ( 5 changes today alone) and again getting really stressed. She knows it shouldn't be happening but it's like she isn't picking up on her body responses. We are doing are best to not make a big deal out of the accidents (although im sure she does pick up on our fruatrations at times) Otherwise a very well developed nearly 4 year old but this has been so hard.

My question is when did you reach out for help? We are really resistant to the idea of medicalising this but are mindful that she will be going to nursery in September and things aren't improving. We're worried trips to doctors and tests might make her more fearful and anxious about this.

I started potty training my 22 month old using the oh crap method. I know hes on the younger side and I originally wanted to wait until 24 months, but he turns 2 in June and we have a lot of travel planned over the summer so we won’t be able to dedicate the time needed to potty train until he’s 28 months, or do it now.

For context, we were feeling confident that my son is ready and was showing signs like hiding to poop, telling me when he pooped, etc. we started potty training on a Thursday afternoon after his nap and it’s now Monday. mom and dad both work out of the home and my son goes to part time day care and has a nanny. We only have the nanny for 2 more weeks as we decided to place him in full time day care after, but she still agreed to assist with potty training.

My son was doing great when we first started on Thursday. Lots of accidents but we would pick him up mid-stream to place him on the potty to finish. Once he discovered the fun of flushing he did really well on Friday and Saturday. We introduced pants on Saturday afternoon and things slowly started going downhill. On Sunday morning he pooped in his pants. He hasn’t pooped in his potty yet and holds it until overnight. Then Sunday he started showing signs of distress around the toilet and started refusing to sit on it. My husband was determined to make potty training work so the two of them would sit in the bathroom when my son showed signs of needing to pee, and wouldn’t leave until my son used the potty.
It’s now Monday and my son is having severe meltdowns on the potty and refusing to use it. He will pee right next to the potty but stop peeing once he’s placed on it. He’s gone through 3 pairs of pants today and doesn’t notice or care that he peed on them. we went back to naked from the waist down but doesn’t seem to help because the issue is now sitting on the potty. we aren’t doing “rewards” but will let him play with stamps and pick out stickers while on the potty, and read books

im concerned hes developing anxiety around using the toilet and it’s going to lead to long term issues, but my husband is adamant about sticking it out and doesn’t want to have a reset. Nanny is sup

I would love advice on how to reduce anxiety and have a small reset without reverting back to diapers. thank you!

Hi all. Could just use some advice/input as husband and I are feeing clueless. We are on day 5 of potty training our 27 month old son and I can’t tell how things are going. We’re doing the Oh Crap method, did a couple days of naked and now on day 3 of commando. Son picked up being naked rather quickly and by day 2 was peeing on the toilet on his own without any accidents and with only a little prompting. Also managed to have him sit to poop once he started to standing up.

First day of commando was harder, had 2 pee accidents he seemed unaware of in his pants, but managed to pee in potty at least 8 times. Day 2 of commando had no true accidents (a couple slight leakage incidents that were about a quarter size that we were able to whisk him to potty once noticed and he would then pee) but son relied on all prompting and did not ever self initiate using potty on his own. Did poop again in potty but he didn’t realize he was done and finished a little bit once his pants were back up.

Now day 3 of commando he was immediately in a bad mood about the whole thing this morning. Refused to pee for about 3 hours this morning, even when he started to leak and we would run him to the potty he would shout no and refuse to sit on it. This went on for about an hour with him holding his crotch and dancing until he finally sat and peed. The second pee of the day came a couple hours later and went much better with no refusal, but required prompting.

Does this all sound about on track for potty training? Is it normal at this point for them to go into a phase of refusal/ be relying solely on prompting? I feel like while he is mostly doing well at home, I can’t imagine when we’ll be able to resume normal outings which is making me spiral a bit.

I feel so torn because it seems like he’s doing great with minimal accidents but then wonder if we’re doing this way too soon and stressing him out. I feel like he’s a bit young, but we are on a slight time crunch- he is starting preschool in the fall which requires potty training or at least close to. We also have a baby due in the fall and I don’t want to do any big changes too close to that.

Thanks for any input!

Need help: need your advice on potty training timing.

My son right now is 2 years and 7 months. We’re traveling a ton in July for two weeks (DC → Denver → Sand Dunes → Durango → Dallas → back to DC), and then two weeks later we’re flying out west to see my sister. I go back to teaching on August 24, and he starts his new preschool on August 30 (he doesn’t have to be potty trained).

I’m trying to decide if I should start next weekend since it’s supposed to be rainy, so we’d have a good excuse to stay inside—and it would give him about two months to adjust before all the travel.

The challenge is he’s obsessed with being outside. If it’s nice out and we can’t go for a neighborhood walk (not just the backyard), he’ll definitely have a meltdown. I'm also worried if we do it now, traveling is going to throw him off. and I do it after he starts pre-school everything will be too much for him but also he will be 3 and a little more mature

Do you think I should try next weekend, or just wait until he’s about a month into preschool?

Particularly wondering for those who potty trained on the younger side, near or under 2 years old.

6 weeks? 6 months? 1 year?

1 or less accident a day? In a week? Telling you themselves they need to go? Just going themselves? Or having to prompt them everytime?

What does *potty trained* look like to you?

Hi! So my almost 26mo f has been telling me when she poops or is about to for months now. Talks about her butt and “peep peep”. I tried to start potty training at 8a this morning and it’s now 1030 and we’ve gone through 5 pairs of under wear. We first sat around the big potty with a Bluey potty seat and she was so excited. I heard the 15 minute method, but realized that was too much for her and she was starting to not be so excited. After a couple of tries so I thought maybe an hour and a half timer would be good but she went to the bathroom a couple of times already within 30 minutes… Every time I take her off the potty she pees herself. She has to poop and has been holding it and shaking while on the potty refusing to go. She might be constipated. After showing she had to poop and refused to do it I thought maybe the small pot would be better so she can actually be comfortable. Which I know it could be confusing. Lots of tears were shed she just had to poop and was really uncomfortable. I don’t want to traumatize her. To add to the mix, I have an almost one year-old that cries the whole time trying to get into the bathroom to be with us and explore. So it just adds to the extra stress. In turn probably also stressing out my two-year-old. I know every kid is different but what works for you? I thought about just possibly only trying to potty train her a few hours a day and gradually get her comfortable for a couple of months. there’s just so much information out there and I don’t know what’s best. I don’t wanna freak her out.

As I’m writing this, I’m in tears. My daughter has been holding her poop for two years. We’re working with a pediatric GI and a behavioral specialist, and we have truly tried everything. All of her tests have come back normal, which is great—but it also means this is a control issue, not sensory.

For almost two years, we used MiraLAX, milk of magnesia, mineral oil, and Ex-Lax regularly. Even with all of that, she would still hold for up to eight days. We eventually switched to enema therapy. Once we were finally able to get her cleaned out, we tried to slowly wean her off while still using milk of magnesia to keep things soft—but now she refuses to take anything, and she’s strong enough that forcing it has become a battle.

It’s putting a real strain on our relationship. We were advised to stop everything to remove the negativity, and just let it happen—meaning if she poops her pants, she poops her pants. But in reality, that usually means it comes out accidentally while she’s sleeping or at school.

This just isn’t sustainable. She’s had multiple UTIs from sitting in soiled underwear, and I’ve had to pick her up from school because they can’t assist her with cleaning at her age. She can change herself, but it often turns into a bigger mess.

I’m at my wit’s end. This has been going on for years, and as a single parent, I can’t keep leaving work to pick her up. I also don’t want to keep putting her on antibiotics for recurring UTIs.

I've tried staying neutral, positive reinforcement—everything. Nothing is working.

Has anyone been through something similar? I would be so grateful for any advice or insight.

Son will be 3 next month. Potty training since December with the classic “we’re wearing undies now” method. He started holding his pee and peeing in the potty, but wouldn’t ever tell us himself. So we had to be the ones taking him every 2ish hours. Pooped in the potty, but again would never tell us (we had to watch for the signs) and would have frequent poop accidents because of it. Back in February I decided to put him in pull ups because I needed a break from the constant poop accidents. (I was crying daily, constantly on edge just waiting for an accident to happen despite my best efforts)

Since February, he has been in pull ups and we’ve followed the routine of regular potty breaks. In that time, he has NEVER told us he had to go. He started peeing in his pull up occasionally and continued with mostly pooping on the potty while sometimes pooping in the pull up.

Well, about two weeks ago, I got the shock of my life when out of nowhere he told me he needed to poop! I took him to the potty and he did it! I didn’t get my hopes up too much, but then he did the same thing the next day! I felt like I was walking on air. The next few days he told us he needed to pee once, and poop again one more time.

And then he never told us again.

We ask him frequently, bribe him, and have also switched back to the underwear over the weekend as an extra push. No luck. I’m back to this feeling of hopelessness again, which feels so cruel after that little bit of hope we had that he was finally “getting it”. I have decided to back off a little bit and not prompt him so much, keep up with the regular pee breaks, and keep him in underwear for the time being. I’m trying not to be so emotionally affected by it but it’s such a roller coaster 😭 will he ever start telling me he has to go again?

This is only about pee as she's very good about pooping in the toilet.

So my daughter has been, like, 90% potty trained for almost a whole year now. She has some really good days where her underwear stays dry all day but a majority of the time she pees just a bit in her underwear through to her shorts 1-2 times a day. She never says anything until I notice the wet spot and take her to the bathroom. And when I do ask her throughout the day, she'll lie and say she doesn't have to go even though she's squirming and dancing around to hold it in. There's even been a few times where, after discovering her wet underwear, she'll sit on the toilet, hold it in, and then tell me she doesn't have to go.

She starts transitional kindergarten this summer and I'm worried about her eventually developing a UTI so I'd really appreciate advice to help me help her stay dry.

A long post, not sure if I’m looking for advice, commiseration or just want to scream into the void. Our 22 month old showed lots of signs of readiness so I decided to go for it. We read books about “no more diapers” for a couple of weeks with her, had a little potty out for weeks, told her for over a week we would stop using diapers, bought a sticker chart and I read about 70% of “first time parents guide to potty training.” We opted to do 3 days of bottomless.

We gave her salty foods, smoothies and lots of juice for Day 1 (she normally doesn’t get juice). Lots of accidents the first day, lots of behaviors we never see like more hitting, biting and even at one point shoving me. Panic and hysterical crying when she pooped and toward end of the day when peeing. She was even freaking out if she felt the sensation of pooping which would end up bring a fart. She wanted me to hold her, carry her, etc. I did not prompt to pee as I knew it would turn into a power struggle. She napped only 1 hour and then that night didn’t go to sleep until an hour after a bedtime only to then wake up nearly an hour earlier than normal.

On day 2, she said bathroom a little after waking up and peed in the potty. We praised her and gave her an animal cracker. The rest of the morning went to hell. She was not drinking many fluids, and barely eating, withholding and then hysterical again when peeing. She would ask for the potty but then ask to get picked up or get off. It was like she couldn’t make up her mind and wasn’t sure what to do. After another short nap and continuing to withhold peeing, we called it quits. Even after putting on a pull up, she was withholding and not peeing. By bedtime she had not peed for another 5 hours despite having a pull up on. And then another night of late bedtime and early wake up.

All in all we have some work to do. For now we just want her to get back to peeing and pooping normally and trying again after age 2. We discussed that we also were not on the same page and talking too much while it was happening (eg did she pee/poop), and paying too much attention to it overall. She’s a fiercely independent kid and I think more letting her lead might be a better approach. If anyone has experienced something similar please feel free to chime in.

My daughter is almost 3 (next month) and we have tried potty training on and off about 4 times since she turned 2. She seems to fully understand and will sit on the potty. We have the seat that goes on the big potty and the small toddler potty. We even recently switched to underwear with success. She was initially hesitant but came around. But now she’s holding her pee for very long stretches. Even overnight when she has a diaper on and I’m worried about her getting a UTI.

We’ve tried a lot of things such as books and videos about the potty. Tried rewards. Tried not making it a big deal and nothing has worked so far. She just tells me she does not want to pee in the potty. It’s clear she’s scared or has anxiety around the potty but I’m not sure how to get her to move past it. Just looking for any tips to do when potty training and toddler is holding pee.

Im new to this, haven't read any books (open to suggestions). First time mom to my 2 year old boy!

Day 2 of trying to potty train. After he wakes up I take his overnight diaper off and let him run around naked waist down. Take him to toilet about every 30 to 40 min to try, but he is holding his pee! I know he has to go because he does the potty dance and whines. He will sit on his potty for about 10 seconds then yells "OFF" and wants to get off.

As soon as I put a diaper on him, he releases and goes immediately.

Wanted to ask because this seems like a very specific problem (holding pee and only going when diaper is on) and wanted to know if anyone else's toddler did this exact thing, and what worked for them!!

Lady, she has spent the majority of the time trying to convince me to potty train before the age of 3.

My daughter turned 3 in December. My husband travels 16 days a month for work but we took a few days to try and do it at the end of January. It was a nightmare and ended in her refusing to sit on the potty. It backfired.

I decided to get her back in speech training…she’s going 2X a week and my husband has vacation in May. We are planning to use that time to kee her home from school and do it.

So Im listening to this book to try and come up with a plan.

This chick has spent at least 10 minutes telling me that my life is going to be hell if I wait until after the age of 3.

Like I don’t already know this!!!!!

She better get to the point asap.

WTF!!

End rant.

My son is 18 months and very willful (which I generally appreciate about him quite a bit). We are doing the Oh Crap potty training method. I know that he is ready for this. I am not interested in giving up and trying again later. What I am interested in is the best approach to get him to cooperate w sitting on the potty. He will go stiff and scream and cry. He is not afraid of it. We have had many pees and poops in the potty. This is a new behavior and entirely a defiance thing. He likes his diaper and he’s used to it and also doesn’t want to be told to do something.

We’re doing block one right now and I’m not prompting, just interceding calmly when he starts to pee. But regardless of if I prompt him or interrupt him, he flat out refuses to sit on it.

I do not want to force him (though I did try that once). I think getting into a battle of wills w a toddler is a mistake.

He responds really well to consequences but it takes a lot of iterations.

Please share any suggestions, tips, tricks, etc. I need to settle on a consistent approach.

As the title states, our 2YO (almost 2.5) has been fully potty trained for a month. But these past few days he’s been refusing to sit on the potty to pee. We just went through a whole week of sickness and he was still able to go poop and pee.

So now he is holding in his pee for 4-5hrs at a time and refusing to pee until it inevitably flows onto the floor.

I did try bribing once and it worked but I don’t want to go down that slippery slope again.

I’m not sure what’s happening. I’ve basically stopped prompting and I just give him the odd reminder that mom and dad are here and the potty is there and he can choose to go anytime himself (which he was previously doing).

I’m currently training potty training my 4 year old, it’s been a fight. We started off with regular underwear, then I got some UPAIRY training underwear (we’ve been using those for 10 days now) and a watch that sings when it’s time to potty..

Anyway, some days are good. Others are really bad. He doesn’t tell me when he needs to go, right now, we have his watch set for every hour and we go potty. He pees just fine but he refuses to poop in the potty. He’s pooped in the potty three times but he mainly goes in his underwear.

I feel defeated, frustrated and like I’m losing my mind. I don’t know what to do.

Kid used to poop regular on the potty in the morning at 11 months. Then he got sick. Now it's all over the place 9am 6pm 10am. Any suggestions on how to get back. It's driving me wild.

-signed one frustrated dad

I decided when my baby was 6 months old to hold him over the toilet. He pooped. Immediately.

So I did it again every day for the next week and had success every time. I think it had something to do with the knees up position, but idk. I decided to start trying to catch the pee too, eventually learning that he only would pee 4 or 5 times a day, and most of those times were just because he was naked or getting a bath.

No, I wasn’t SAHM. Not all childcare followed the same patterns as me. But it still worked.

Diaper free overnight by 15 months, totally trained by 2.

I know, I know. I’m nuts, right? I literally cannot speak a word of this to personal friends because I risk being stabbed.

But I truly believe I hacked the potty training system without even realizing.

I have no real protocol, I’m by no means trying to say it will work for everyone. But here’s the things I decided upon:

pee before bed is non negotiable. The way I always achieved it was by plopping him over the sink or tub and running warm water on the feet and letting the pee go down the drain.

Pee is sterile. Stop worrying about it getting on things or happening on a rug. Blot it, spray it, move on.

Poop time is something you need to make time for. It happens when child is lost in solitary play, or alone with very close family, at home. PLEASE consider making time for this every day until you sense a pattern. Kids who are always on the go are going to use their diapers.

Pull-ups are diapers. Stop wasting your money.

If you wait until 2, you’re too late. There is a cognitive shift that I swear to god makes your kid do whatever it is you don’t want them to do.

Let them see what they’re doing, go wiz on a tree, be supportive but don’t make a big deal out of it. I personally don’t want an audience or a sticker because I took a shit. Toddlers are just like us.

Skip small plastic potty’s and just go for the real thing. Otherwise they will fear it. Bathrooms offer privacy and privacy is a huge key to success.

Lastly, toilet time is a routine need- giving your baby or toddler a bottle and a nap on schedule, but not making time for the potty is exactly what Pampers and Huggies want you to do.

It’s an industry built on laziness and I hate that for our kids. It’s time we stop drinking the koolaid about it being normal for 4 year olds to poop in their pants on a daily basis. Yes, accidents happen. That’s ok! Don’t make a big deal about it. But if you’re putting off starting today, you’re going to fall into the trap.

I know the whole universe wants me hung for this, but I walked so you all could run!!! Feel free to ask questions.

My little girl is 3 and 2 months and can’t tell me when she needs to go .. very verbal , very well mannered easy with transitions and never had a meltdown and tantrums are extremely rare maybe 2 a months and stops within a few minutes . She is very good at following instructions, and plays really nicely with her peers , stays sit when asked and partakes in lots of activities. Not sure if it is relevant just wanted to give a flavour of her personality.

I bought the Oh Crap book, and I'm planning to train my 20 month old starting this week. I feel like I must be missing something, I don't understand why the Oh Crap book is so popular. I feel like the author is intensely condescending. It's also super vague, especially when it comes to prompting (how to prompt, when to prompt, when to back off) and the "blocks." I get why she's not putting a set number of days, but she barely defines successful completion of a block and recognizing when to move to the next block.

Please give me any and all tips for how to successfully use this method (or an alternative preferred method) before I ditch diapers.