r/lesbiangang

Every wlw couple is "Sapphic” now, no more lesbian couples. I understand some people don’t feel seen inside of a relationship labeled as “lesbian”, because I feel the same with sapphic. This isn't just a language shift, it feels like erasure. It’s as if people are finally finding a "socially acceptable" way to phase out the specific reality of being a lesbian.

And it would never happen with the word gay, let’s be honest.

The most frustrating part is the blatant phallocentrism taking over our spaces. If you look at fandoms or social media "ships," every interaction is filtered through a heteronormative lens. People obsess over "top/bottom" dynamics and describe sexual tension in ways that literally invent a phallus where there isn't one, talking about "centimeters" or "erections" between cis women.

This isn't about shaming anyone, but about the inability of the general public to see cis female intimacy as "real" or "complete" without a male-centric model. Hetero people and even many in the LGBTQ community seem to think lesbian sex is "less than" because it doesn't center a phallus.

We don't need to mimic heteronormativity to have meaningful attraction. By erasing the word "Lesbian" we lose the focus on our unique, non-phallocentric lives. It’s not progress, it’s just making us invisible again.

People online are so mad right now that a lesbian would wanna be les4les and are turning it into a whole controversy but I just had a thought about something, if a lesbian told me she was exclusively les4bi for whatever reason I literally would not care at ALL, like okay ur a lesbian and u wouldn’t date me, another lesbian. I would be completely fine with that. So how come bi women have been freaking out so hard over the concept of les4les? Okay so a lesbian wouldn’t date you, so what? I wouldn’t care if a lesbian didn’t wanna date me bc of my sexuality so why do bi women care so much I actually can’t even think of a reason why they’d care.

Does anyone agree that they wouldn’t care if a lesbian was les4bi? Is this just a me thing or what? Or any sort of les4___ that wasn’t les4les like I don’t understand why bi women make it such a big deal of it when I personally wouldn’t gaf if a lesbian didn’t wanna date me

I think people really do just hate lesbians for no reason

I went to the beach with my book club a couple weeks ago and a woman I didn’t know came along, Linda, she is in her 50s, and very loud about being a Democrat, very loud about hating Trump, basically wearing her politics like a name tag. At dinner she finds out I’m gay, finds out I was married to a man and have two kids, and immediately goes “why didn’t you come out sooner? how did you not know?”
I’m so used to this I didn’t even fully clock it in the moment. I went into my usual explanation, graduated in 2002, 3000 kids in my school and not one out gay person, the only visibility I had was Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and butch lesbians I didn’t relate to. I usually describe it like being a zebra in a room full of giraffes. I didn’t have language for what I was. I thought I wanted to BE the girls I had crushes on.
I got home and told my girlfriend and she was furious. “How is that any of her fucking business.” And that’s when it hit me that I’ve been absorbing this my whole life and stopped registering it as rude.
What I keep thinking about, the straight conservatives in my life have never asked me a single invasive question about my sexuality. They might not love it but they leave me alone. It’s the progressives, the self identified allies, who think their politics earn them backstage access to my entire interior life. Why didn’t you know sooner. Where did your kids come from. Have you considered that you’re being exclusionary by only dating cis women. One friend told me I was “reducing people to body parts” for being a lesbian who dates women. Make it make sense.
People love to talk about your coming out story like it’s one event. They don’t tell you that you come out every single day. Every new job, every new doctor, every dinner with someone’s friend from book club. And every time, someone decides that earns them a Q and A.
I’m tired. Being an ally doesn’t entitle you to ask me questions you’d never ask a straight woman. If you wouldn’t ask my coworker who fathered her kids, don’t ask me who had mine. I got this question a lot when I was with my ex wife.

I deal with a lot of internalized shame from having people invalidate me almost my whole adult life. I’ve had people tell me I must be bisexual since I was with a man at one point. So I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive. I have never regretted my past. I have grieved the life I could have had if I had been born 20 years later. I had to deal with that when my daughter’s friends who are gay would come over. I would see them living authentically as themselves, and it made me really sad that I never had that opportunity. But that’s a separate issue... My daughters are 17 and 19 and I have watched them thrive. I have been able to give them the love, support and acceptance I never got. I am by no means saying and I am perfect or haven’t made mistakes. But we have a great relationship and I am so proud to be their mother. But I’m tired of being questioned and invalidated.
Anyone else dealing with this? I feel like I can talk about homophobia from the right all day but the invalidation from the left is harder to name because everyone acts like they’re on our side.

Lately, I've been seeing this sentiment that gold stars won't date bisexuals or won't date anyone who's been with a man. It's usually not even coming from a negative place, weirdly enough. I've corrected it whenever I notice it but I find it odd and a little concerning. Has anyone else noticed this? Seen any other misconceptions?

I'll go ahead and cut off anyone saying "that's online only" because it's not helpful.

I had both my HPV vaccines as a teen, and I’ve never had sex with a man. I’ve only been with women, and only 1 of those women has ever been with a man, and it was long after she was tested and clear of him. We also know that STD transmissions are very low for lesbians. I am engaged to a beautiful woman. I have all the low risk factors, so I’m thinking of declining a pap smeer. It sounds so uncomfortable and invasive and painful, especially when you suffer from vaginismus. I’m just not doing it, sorry, no man is going to pry me open with a wrench and take a sample.

I've known many lesbian Christians in my time. Usually they are sweet and keep their beliefs in their own little bubble, which is greatly appreciated. However, I *just* saw the most...lesbophobic disgusting video of a lesbian couple who are claiming *obedience* over feelings...what the shit? I'm so appalled that they posted something like that. (I mean I can believe it but I don't like it ok)

Has anyone come across weird videos like this before?

I'm talking about female celebrities (especially when they're popular in the lesbian community or common lesbian celebry crushes). Who do you think is overrated? Please don't hate/bodyshame on any anyone.

I'll start: Cate Blanchett and Natasha Lyonne

lmao. there’s literally a bisexual woman complaining about “how unfortunate” it is that she is marrying a cishet man because it doesn’t feel “queer enough”. i commented that she should just enjoy the societal benefits of being in a straight relationship and be happy that she doesn’t have to face homophobic discrimination during her wedding planning process. we can guess how that went. i’ll insert the text of the original post in the comments so we can laugh together

i’ll be on the lookout for SAME SEX wedding subs/forums if anyone knows of any since i will be starting the wedding planning process soon. i haven’t been to many weddings and im planning on my own with my fiancée

Just a heads up: this is totally meant to be a lighthearted and fun conversation!

What’s a lesbian stereotype you actually live up to?

We're vegan, have cats, and moved in together after just two or three months of dating which feels wild to think about now, over six years later.

Plus, my wife wore Doc Martens to our wedding 😄

I live in a very accepting city that has a large Lgbt community. I have met countless lesbians here. I used to live in a city where I knew no other gay people. I used to think I was lucky to live here until I realised that most of these women are bisexual or straight and pretending to be gay. I was spending time with some lesbian women I know and they started going on about things like 'I'm a lesbian but I reallllyyy miss my ex boyfriend', or just generally showing explicit attraction to men/thirsting over them/lamenting about how much they miss dick. They are all very open misandrists (fair enough lol), but that was the first thing that made me suspicious that they were just women that had been wronged by men and wanted to get back at them (by saying that they were 'turned' lesbian). I do believe some of them are doing it for attention though. Now I realise that I only know 2 (real) lesbians other than myself, I feel like ive been isolated all over again.

Just out of general curiosity, who is going to their respective town/ city prides this year?

In every single subreddit I’m in that’s dedicated to lesbians is over flowing with irrelevant posts from bisexual women. I can’t name one for example (against the rules) but there is a sub dedicated to late bloomers who are mostly struggling because they have had a realization later in life that they’re gay and want to escape their marriage to their husband. Some bi girl made a post in there asking if she was welcomed and the whole body of her post was just “I like to have sex with women and men. Can I join?” Everyone was like “Sure, of course you can! You have a massive bisexual subreddit but please take over another lesbian space! Here, use me as a doormat as well!”

Why can’t lesbians have their own space? Why do bisexual women seek out these spaces and flood them with attention seeking posts that have nothing to do with the subreddit? It kills me because bisexual women grossly outnumber lesbians and so the posting, the upvotes and downvotes, are mostly from bi women. I’m sorry I just had to rant because it’s fucking exhausting.

I first came out as a lesbian when I was 21, then casually dated a couple women before finding trans discourse online and relating to their descriptions of gender dysphoria. Due to some childhood trauma I had been disassociating for years and hated being treated like a woman, so believed if I transitioned I would be happier. After 8 years of living as a generally happy, cis-passing bearded man I began to feel like I wasn't being my authentic self, and I was also dealing with some health problems like high blood pressure and atrophy.

My decision to detransition was the best decision I ever made. It was very awkward at first and people assumed I was a gay man or a trans woman for a couple years, but now I am perceived as a butch lesbian woman by basically everyone except trans people who sometimes think I am nonbinary or early transmasc. I have a beautiful, mature and communicative girlfriend who loves me so well and I am on a fuel reduction crew as a sawyer with mostly women, while learning how to build tiny homes with a friends business.

Does anyone else want to share their experiences of accepting themselves as lesbians after a complicated journey with gender identity? It's pretty lonely at times, most of my friends are bi or under the trans umbrella so can't relate to me.

I downloaded a couple dating apps and it is SO hard to find butch women (butches that still identify as women as opposed to nonbinary or transmasc identified folks) that is all that is the rant lol. Hopefully my wife is out there somewhere but with my luck she’s wandering around a home depot or something lol

Just taking the temperature of the room, how do we feel about the latest progressive pride flag? You know the one I am talking about.

People pretend that if you give your all and work hard every day that eventually you’ll show them what’s good and earn respect. You don’t. Whether you’re fem or masc or neither. Whether or not but especially if you’re a lesbian.

No matter how high a rung on the industry ladder you’ve climbed to, your colleagues will be below trying to get a good view.

No matter what position you have and how qualified you are for it, they’ll assume and even tell others that you laid down to get it.

No matter if you’re literally the most experienced person on the production floor during your shift, at the highest non-supervisory position, you’ll still have to come in from your break hearing people you’ve worked closely with for years and surpassed in skillset saying shit like “all I’m saying is Jayne must have some good ass pussy”

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE WIRED FOR MACHINERY WHY CANT I SIT AT A FUCKING DESK OR CASH REGISTER AND BE HAPPY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA