r/ewphoria

My car has been making a strange sound lately. I went in to the store to grab a couple things and a nice gentleman noticed the sound and let me know what he thought the issue was.

When I came back out I popped the hood to check out what the man had suggested (he was wrong,) and while I was bent over the engine I heard a guy barking. I didn't think anything of it until I heard another guy laughing.

I turned around to see them both staring right at me and they hustled inside.

So weird

I can't believe this happened. i told him i was trans and he was fine with it. we shared nudes yesterday, and he wanted to do it again today, but i just did not feel like doing it, so he got super mad and started calling me slurs, saying that i was playing hard to get. he did say really nasty, misogynistic things about me, calling me poor for living in a third-world country; obviously, i blocked him, but what surprises me is that he did not misgender me. So at least he saw me as a woman; the experience wasn't cool, but I have definitely had similar experiences where they would misgender me. so maybe in every loss there's a win I guess. (French people can be really rude and raw)

ok so this is going to sound unhinged but bear with me. i work retail and there's this guy in the back who's been a dick to literally everyone since he started. yesterday i asked him to restock something and he muttered "whatever, bitch" under his breath as he walked away. like genuinely rude, my manager would lose it if she heard him.

and i just stood there in the aisle grinning like an idiot. because he didn't even hesitate. there was no pause where his brain went "wait, is that the right word." i was just a bitch to him the same way any other woman in the store would be. i've been on hrt for 14 months and i still flinch every time someone has to gender me, waiting for the wrong word to land. but he didn't even think about it.

i felt weird about feeling good about it though, like am i broken for being happy a man was hostile to me. i'd been writing about this on a journaling app rae chat, and the reflection it gave me afterwards actually made me cry a little.

"Being seen accurately, even cruelly, can feel safer than being seen kindly but wrongly. That isn't broken. That's a body recognizing the first time it stopped having to translate."

yeah. that's it exactly. i'm still annoyed at him obviously, he's still a dick. but i floated through the rest of my shift.

I mean I guess my voice passes?

so, my ex "katie" is a pretty bad and mean person. she's pretty bigoted, but she HATES men of all kinds. now, someone could argue that due to her saying stuff like calling me a "horrible man in a woman's body" that she's doing this because i'm trans and therefore if i was cis male she wouldn't treat me this way, but she just says that she hates all men.

ew because she sent me threats, abused me emotionally, bullied me, and didn't take me seriously at all and even CELEBRATED when she thought i died.

euphoria because she's treating me like how she views men and NOT how she views other women.

I went on a run around my neighborhood today, but it was too hot to work out in my normal workout top. So, I ran under the Sun in my normal long leggings and workout bra but no top. Nothing too revealing. A car drives past me during my run. The passenger window was down. Passenger proceeded to cat call me while driving by. The weird thing was, it was by a woman who appeared to be in her 40s. I really wasn't expecting that. Somehow, it made me feel worse? Like, surely she's had some gross guy do that to her before and should know better, right?

After Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend and I went to 7/11 to get some snacks for a night in. While checking out, I caught the man in line behind us craning his neck to look down at my ass. I saw it in the reflection of the glass door, so he didn't know I could see this happening. Nothing more happened and we went back to our apartment.

I told my boyfriend and he said something along the lines of "oh guys will look at anything, I do too." While I understood, I still wasn't comfortable with how the guy in the store regarded me.

I told my sister about it recently and all she said was "welcome to being a woman."

I'unno, I know that just looking is relatively harmless and this man assumed I couldn't see, but it still rubs me the wrong way that it's so normal to be ogled at all. And then, on the other hand, I can't shake the idea that I've "made it" in some way.

Recently had to book a bed in hospital for a procedure. Spoke to the lady at admissions desk and gave all my documents all still on my birth gender. She did her stuff and then gave me the documents to check and sign. So I see she booked me into the female ward. Rather than having an issue later I pointed it out. She replied with: Lady you have bigger boobs than me. You are going to the ladies ward. I smiled the rest of the day.

Idk if there's any euphoria in this, but like.. yeah, I have nice boobs, what of it?~