r/communication

Need some advice from people who’ve hosted large virtual group sessions before.

I’m about to host an informal networking/community-style call with ~100 people across different countries and time zones. I’m comfortable facilitating groups up to around 30, but 100 is definitely new territory for me.

Would love tips, tricks, formats, ESPECIALLY engagement ideas, icebreakers, ways to keep energy levels up, and things you wish someone told you before hosting a large interactive session like this.

I need to vent for a second because I feel like I’m losing my mind.
I’ve always loved the idea that language is supposed to unite people. I’ve gone out of my way to be friends with people from all over—multilingual, "linguistics" types, people with cool backgrounds. But lately, I’ve realized that instead of bringing us together, it’s being used as a tool to completely shut people out.
Does anyone else deal with friends who just… forget you exist the moment someone else speaks their native tongue?
I’ll be out at dinner or hanging at a house, and two of my "friends" will just dive into a conversation in a language they know I don’t speak a word of. And I’m not talking about a quick 30-second clarification. I’m talking hours. I’m literally sitting there, eating my fries or staring at my phone, while they laugh and debate and have this deep connection right in front of me.
It feels so incredibly unwelcoming. It’s like being a ghost at your own hangout. When I try to jump in or ask what’s up, I get a half-second summary like, "Oh, we're just talking about work," and then they go right back into it.
What is the word for this? Is there a specific term for people who are "linguistically cliquey" or just completely socially oblivious? It feels just straight-up conversational exclusion.
I used to think learning about different cultures was about opening doors, but right now it feels like I’m just standing outside a locked one. Am I being too sensitive, or is this just common-level rudeness now?

I am a 27 year old female. I have been noticing that I am extremely bad at communication, and I’m realizing that I really never have communicated much with anybody ever.

I grew up in an environment where I never once felt starved of love or attention. I always felt safe and cared for, so I really don’t know what this might’ve come from. (I started therapy a couple weeks ago, so this will be a priority)

Anyways, I was in a 7 year relationship that ended up deteriorating because he was never able to really understand what was going on in my head. I was able to express my love and positive things to him, but I never really expressed issues and I would deal with them internally. I am extremely avoidant of conflict. Anyways, when it was something that really bothered me, it would end up coming out during conversations/arguments that he started, stealing his opportunity to speak with me about his issues. I can see how frustrating this would be for him, and I was aware that I would do it, but would end up repeating the cycle in the heat of the moment. I truly could not get myself to bring up issues with him other times, it’s like I would hype myself up to bring something up to him in a healthy way, and when it came down to it I just couldn’t do it and would stay quiet about it. Obviously this made the relationship extremely difficult for me also because I was never expressing my feelings so he’d continue to do things that bothered me without even realizing.

I’ve done this my whole life in my friendships and with my parents. I remember never telling my parents if I got in trouble in school as a kid or if I was in any little girl drama. When my parents were going through a divorce, I never once spoke about it to any of my friends at all. I had a very close best friend at the time and when she inevitably heard about it from her parents, she’d asked me and I just brushed it off.

I don’t know why I am this way, but it’s like I just am so uncomfortable talking about things with anybody. I have tried therapy in the past, but couldn’t get myself to talk about any of my issues and would end up quitting it. I started again, and I told her right away that I have this issue so that she can hopefully help pull some stuff out of me and help me figure this out.

Anyways, all of this is to say, does anybody else resonate with this? If so, was there a book or practice that you did to work on improving your communication?

Thank you!!

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