i’m not sure i’ll be able to explain this properly, but here it goes: i feel like people lie to me about my body all the time, because it’s easier than facing the fact that i am justified in calling myself agender. which is already a very strange work of mental gymnastics, because i am always justified in calling myself agender - literally everybody is justified in calling themselves anything they identify with! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️💕

but from a cishet perspective, maybe not so much.

the other day, my aunt - who is CONSTANTLY literally actually begging me to get pregnant - told me i’m “stacked”. i’m from a rural part of new england, she’s from the city, so maybe it’s a dialect difference, but i told her that, where i’m from, “stacked” is a slang term referring to someone with larger breasts. i do have breasts, but can bind completely flat, and other people have told me my breasts are so small, they’re actually “disproportionate” to the rest of my body, since i have wide hips and thick thighs. i’m dysphoric about all these things but, unless this REALLY IS a regionalism that i didn’t know about, i am quite literally not “stacked” at this point in my life, regardless of whether or not i want to be or things change down the line or my feelings on anything.

but she NEEDS me to be stacked - so i can feed the babies i’m not intending on having, even though breast size does not correlate to volume of milk production. so she refused to listen to me. and she also NEEDS “stacked” to refer to lower body size as well - whether or not that’s a known regional slang term where she lives but not where i live -, because she NEEDS to be able to falsely conflate my, granted, extreme pear shape to both willingness to have a child and fertility.

but LITERALLY: i do not have large breasts (not that there’s anything wrong with that!), i do not want to have kids, and infertility runs in our family (including with her!!), so there’s actually a very notable non-zero chance that i wouldn’t be able to carry a pregnancy to term or would have life-threatening complications in childbirth, regardless of how wide my hips are.

i’m autistic, and that’s part of why i identify as agender to begin with, gender just doesn’t make sense to me from a personal experience, though i love and support all people who experience genders!! 💞 it’s also why i take things so literally, and am maybe rigid in my thinking, i can’t understand how someone could view my breasts as “large” (especially when she herself has larger breasts than i do!!) or could discount my reluctance and possible lack of ability to have children as not a viable reason for not having children. but i’ve also gotten in trouble for taking things too literally before - by which i mean, all my life. 😅 so i can’t tell if i’m being too rigid in not understanding why people express the feelings about my body that they do, or if i’m being authoritarian in feeling uncomfortable with them saying these things to me, or if i’m genuinely incorrect in feeling like they’re lies. because i’m also incredibly dissociated from my body, and always have been, so even though i have the statistics (like, i know my bra size!!), is it possible that i’m… misinterpreting them because acknowledging the truth about my body and how i read in this world would hurt me?

but i’ve also gone to work in full “men’s” attire for years now, only for cishet women coworkers to repeatedly tell me that my body shape makes them “girlier” than they are, so they can’t possibly refer to me by the correct pronouns or see me as anything other than a woman. and i have nothing against women, i just don’t have any real connection to anything, so it hurts when people draw false connections for me based on things i can’t control and don’t feel have any inherent meanings anyway; yeah, my body has curves, but to me, that’s neutral, a body is just a body. i used to wear aviator glasses from the “men’s” section (literally jeffrey dahmer glasses, though obviously i don’t aspire to be him or anything, i just like the 70s!), and someone once told me they “brought out [my] hips”(??) and were the “girliest” glasses they’ve ever seen. am i justified in feeling that wire-rim glasses don’t have a gender? or that NO glasses have an inherent gender?

and speaking of the 70s, i used to work at a nursing home, and a resident once told me that, with my style, i’d fit right in - except there was no-one my size back then. a coworker WHO IS YOUNGER THAN ME agreed with her, which absolutely FLOORED me, because she wasn’t even there! and there were people my size AND LARGER throughout all of time, that’s literally just a FACT! but it’s a fact that benefits ME and makes how I see the world and exist in a body have meaning, and we can’t have that, so anyone over a current U.S. size 12 in “women’s” pants must have spawned right the fuck now, there couldn’t have been ANYONE with thick thighs in the 70s (despite me literally coming from a long line of women who also genetically had big thighs in the 70s).

i really just don’t understand why my telling the truth about my own body and my own gender is less-impactful than everyone around me telling lies. i don’t want kids, i can bind flat, i just need glasses to see. am i justified in how i feel about people lying to me about my own body and presentation, or are they actually telling the truth, just from a different angle that doesn’t suit me personally, and so i’m disproportionately hurt by it?

Technically speaking, aren't we kind of beating the system of sexuality? Like as long as someone has a gender that's the opposite of us, so wouldn't it then be a straight relationship? 🧍‍♂️ I've been thinking about this for a while and mostly wanted to bring it up just because I think it's a funny concept (that I don't actually take too seriously)

I am agender, but I wish I had been born biologically female. When I try to research this, all I find are cis people talking about gender stereotypes or male and female gender roles, like: "I wish I had been born a man just so I wouldn't have to do the dishes" or "I wish I had been born a woman just so I could cry in front of others," as if there were something exclusively feminine or masculine. But what I feel is different from gender stereotypes.

Detail: even if I had been born biologically female, I would still prefer to be agender.

I'm almost sure it's just gender dysphoria, but I don't know.

As stated, this hypothetical person does not want sex. They do not have a gender. And they do not have genitalia.

View Poll

Asking here because this sub is more ambical towards genuine questions and being genuine about answers (I'm very exhausted by other subs 😮‍💨)

Does anyone actually know of anysubs that are geared towards adults just being adults? Not in a like flirty sexual type of adult behavior lol I just mean like talking about dating and adult activities without having to walk on eggshells about language choices? (I'm aware of certain subs for bottom growth topics but that's probably as much as there is on these topics).

It seems (which is giving me major ick btw) that lots of 2SLGBTQ+ subs are very child/teen focused even when not a teen subs (a sub inteded to be for teens only). This focus is giving me creeper vibes to be fully honest and I really don't want to engage with these subs that are so minor focused despit being "all ages".

so I was just in the shower. I look down to scrub, and I see my chest. the most strange thing happens next— I physically gag a little. not like, throw up gag, but like a throat closing up gag. it’s awful. I’m a minor, so I cant do anything about it, but i was wondering if anyone else empathized or if I’m just crazy.

Before reading it a lot of times online, it seemed extreme and perhaps curious, but now I'm considering that it might be a good idea; it makes me nervous that I might decide to do it someday soon.

Ich bin Australier und nutze Google Translate, um in diesem Subreddit um Hilfe zu bitten. Mir wurde vor Monaten auf r/salmacian gesagt, dass es in Deutschland Optionen gäbe. Allerdings habe ich Schwierigkeiten, mich auf den Webseiten zurechtzufinden, da ich kein bzw. nur sehr wenig Deutsch spreche. Daher kann es sein, dass ich etwas länger brauche, um auf Kommentare zu antworten.
Mir wurden folgende Kliniken genannt, die diese Möglichkeiten bieten, aber ich habe bisher nichts außer einer Vaginoplastik gefunden, die ich nicht möchte. Ich möchte meinen Penis weiterhin benutzen können.

• Klinik Sanssouci, Potsdam, Dr. Schaff

• Uniklinik Essen, Essen, Dr. Heß

• Urologische Klinik München Planegg, München, Dr. Wallmichrath/Dr. Liedl

Falls jemand Antworten hat oder bereits Erfahrungen mit solchen Eingriffen gesammelt hat, hätte ich ein paar Fragen:

1. Wie viel hat es gekostet und musste ich es selbst bezahlen? 2. Woher haben Sie die Informationen zu den Eingriffen und deren Wirkungsweise?
2. Wo befinden sich die Kliniken, die diesen Eingriff anbieten?
3. Gibt es in den Kliniken Dolmetscher, die mir bei der Kommunikation mit den Ärzten helfen können?

Vielen Dank an alle, die antworten!

Nachtrag: Zur Klarstellung: Ich meinte die Operation, die im Englischen als penile Preserving Vaginoplasty oder PPV bezeichnet wird.

I actually prefer being seen more as a male than female. I bind my chest, draw a moustache on my face using brown mascara, try to have a masculine stance and dream of starting T. I like when masculine terms are being used for me such as dude, bro, he etc. but honestly that's what i also say to anyone regardless of gender (unless the person has stated otherwise).

I experience dysphoria and don't like the way i currently look but I still also feel like lacking gender. I don't ever feel fully male and don't see myself as a trans man but could i still use the label trans as I feel like I'm trying to transitiono something that is actually nothing as a gender?

I've always known I am not cis and I don't want to be seen as the gender i was assigned. I don't really care if others see me as trans or not. I am not doing this for others. All I want is want to be seen as something else than female.

All these thoughts came to mind as i was looking for a flag for pride and found myself staring st the transgender flag and wondering if i should buy it. But I also want to know how other people feel like as presenting themselves. I know there are agender people who don't refer to themselves as trans and would love to hear more from them but also it would be great to hear from those who refer as something else too while also identifying as agender.

Especially binary trans people. HEAR ME OUT, okay? a lot of cis people never explore their gender at all. but binary trans people know that they were born with something but that’s not what they are and they’re so secure in their gender?? like how? it’s so confusing to me to actually see a difference in the genders