r/YoungAdultStruggles

Hello! I am 23F and I fear I will never find my person. I know I’m young and there’s so many people in this world and everyone tells me I will find them, but nothing is for certain. I’m trying to live my own life but the fear of never getting married and having kids in my 20’s/early 30’s is always lingering and is scary. I fear what I’ve dreamt about the past 23 years are true. Does anybody else feel like this?

Hello. I am 23 years old and soon to be 24 (F) living at home with parents after graduating in the summer and working an entry level legal job (law degree at uni). I am severally paying with my mental health while living at home- to the point of emotional abuse. I have to withstand this as I am not in a position as of right now to move out. There are some things I planned to get while at home- like laser eye surgery I have booked in and the cost is around £2000. I am in a bad position financially and wondering if I should save that money towards my moving out fund or go for the laser eye surgery. Everyone that has it doesn’t regret it but I am also afraid it will set me back on my goal to move out. I also have tons of bills at home mostly coming from my car and if I moved out I wouldn’t have that either. I guess what I am asking is - do you think it’s better to spend money presently /invest in yourself and withstand the mental health price of living at home. Or save every penny I can and move out ( and potentially be super broke) but at least life will be livable again?

I know this sounds a bit silly and I don’t care. No sassy responses please.

I have had really bad financial anxiety ever since my teens since i grew up poor so spending on a big thing like laser eye surgery for me is a lot of money.

any advice or just general life advice is welcome - particularly around the price of investing in yourself.

27 working full time at a corporate 9-5 bringing home $1600 AFTER taxes, 401k and company health insurance/pet insurance.

I’m super grateful, but don’t know why but I feel like my checks are very low for my age.

Just curious on how much other mid/late twenty year olds are making?

Hi everyone, I'm a BBC journalist and I'm looking to chat to men in their 20s and 30s who are living at home to save money/save up for their own place for an online article. Is there anyone here who would be up for having a chat? TIA!

My partner taught me how to make a steak flank. I made one in my parents' kitchen (I live with them) it was yummy and I was so proud of myself. I planned to do the dishes after I ate. My stepdad got home just as I was putting my plate in the sink. He said "what happened here?" I said I made a steak and would do the dishes and he said no. Then he complained "it's going to take me 45 minutes to clean the oil off this."

Next day he told me I'm not allowed to cook.

I asked "so if I don't want to go out to eat, what can I have for dinner" he said I could have a microwavable freezer meal. I checked the freezer. There was ice cream (I am lactose intolerant) and meals that were not microwavable. I ate a bowl of cereal because that doesnt involve the stove, with oat milk I bought for myself because my parents refuse to buy what I put on the family grocery list.

This morning I didn't want cereal because I ate it yesterday for dinner. I was going to make instant oatmeal but my mom ate it all and didnt tell anyone or buy more

I asked for permission to make pancakes. She said I could have her pancakes. Maybe once a weak she offers me food. She made those three/four days ago and has been coughing like a toddler all weak but gets mad if anybody avoids her/says anything. I politely said "no." She badgered me about wanting to make my own food. Then she complained about possibly having to share what she was going to have for breakfast.

A week ago, I told my Mom that my partner was coming over. She bought pizza and only told my stepdad. She didnt ask anybody what kind they want, and only bought two medium size pizzas for four people. Everybody in the house asked her about not buying enough pizza. She complained that she forgot my partner was coming over. That was so rude.

Also, a month ago she bought pizza and sent me an invoice for $20. So I said I would have helped pay if she asked and she said "I never ask you to pay for pizza."

I also work full time in a physically demanding field (because my parents didnt want to put me through college) so not having enough protien and calories can significantly affect me.

So a little about me I’m a healthy young man just turned 22 years old I live with my mom, step dad and sisters.

I’m just a little lost in life right now I have some interests in school but I keep second guessing my decision making, afraid of taking a program I won’t be interested in I also have just worked construction labour jobs the past years out of highschool. Nothing seems to really catch my eye. Also my mental health can be shit because all I do now is smoke and workout here n there. Currently the economy in Ontario is whack so even getting a job is a headache if I don’t have strong connections but I always apply.

In the past few months, I’ve noticed this horrible decline. At least it feels horrible to me.

I used to be able to wake up at 5:30 am for work and make it out the door by 7:15 (I have to get to work by 8:00 am and it takes a bit) with no rushing at all. Now, I’m lucky if I can drag myself out of bed before 6:45 am and I rush out the door. It’s not lack of sleep causing this because most nights, I’m either asleep or in bed by 9:00 pm. My husband has to get up for work at 4:45 am so he can be there at 6:00 am so we go to bed early to accommodate that.

I barely read anymore. I’m usually scrolling my phone. In fact, the phone scrolling has gotten so bad that it’s affecting my work. I am already not enjoying my job very much. My boss is a perfectionist and we can never get anything done on time or at all because it has to be perfect. And he keeps accepting project upon project when we haven’t done much of anything or made any headway. Sometimes, he doesn’t care. Other times, he pushes me and my coworker to try to get a bunch of stuff done within a few days and suddenly decides he cares again. I get no guidance. I’ve asked for support on several things but in his words: “It doesn’t really matter. We shouldn’t care that much.” Our department’s reputation has taken a nosedive and I’m embarrassed to work here sometimes. I need structure. I need guidance. I need achievable deadlines. I haven’t gotten that in a long time. Sometimes, he holds onto a project for such a long time and me and my coworker have no idea about it until someone asks him where all that stuff is and he passes it off to us because he’s too busy with other stuff and forgot about this.

Due to this deteriorating work environment( it wasn’t always like this which makes is sadder), I can’t stop scrolling and watching YouTube at work. I have no go guidance and really nothing to do until he starts finally looking at my work and helping or letting the box ticks off. My screen time is awful. I also talk to chatGPT a lot like just having it write me fun stories to read based on the prompts it gives me. I literally can’t believe I’m asking it do that. I feel disgusting when I do it bc I’m consuming so many resources but it’s like an addiction. I’m addicted to ChatGPT, YouTube, and social media.

Whenever I get off work, I have a long commute home. Two out of the five days a week, I go to the gym. I hate going. I literally go for my husband to please him. I know I need to go and stay active but I’m doing workouts I don’t really want to do. I would rather run or do Pilates but he has me doing weight lifting and leg/arm days to help build my core (I was told I have a very weak core by my doctor and needed to work on it. I think it scared my husband so he did research and started me on a weightlifting plan to build my core. It’s sweet of him. I appreciate it but I hate it at the same time). Like I said, I would rather run. I used to run but lost motivation awhile back or do Pilates.

Then I come home usually around 6:30 most evenings. On the days when I don’t go to the gym, I usually run a few errands. By the time we cook dinner, eat, and clean up. It’s usually around 7:30 or 8:00. In rare occasions where we finish up at 7:30 or 7:45 and I have some free time, I use that time to do my homework for my masters program. My program has been easy so far except for this semester. I took a coding intro class and it’s been brutal. Every week, I have to watch about 5-7 videos on average that range from 10 minutes to 1 hour long (had one once that was 1 hour and 30 minutes). It has questions embedded into the videos and I have to answer them to get credit. I also use slides to take notes. Then I have two hands on assignments every week where I have to write code and then turn it into an online forum or reflect on it and answer questions. Then I have 5-7 scripts per week to write from scratch and turn in. Then I also have an exercise quiz to complete every week. Sometimes, we have to turn in like semester project long project check-ins on top of that. It’s a lot. Sometimes, I have to stay up late until like 10:00 or 11:00pm a day or two a week just to get that stuff done. My husband obviously goes onto bed because he has to get up early but I’m stuck working on that course. It’s been awful. But most nights, I don’t have to stay up late. It happens on average 1-2 nights a week. Also I can’t quit my job because they are paying for my school and I signed a contract.

Then on the weekends, we use Saturday to get caught up on the household responsibilities like we do laundry, clean the house (vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms, sweeping, might mop too), he mows or does outside work, we shop for groceries the next week, etc. Then on Sundays, we have church in the morning and then I come home and work on homework for the majority of the afternoon. I have no time for myself really. I barely have time to read or work on my book or journal. I want to read my Bible more and pray more in the mornings but by the time I wake up, the idea of having to get up and face another day sucks. If it weren’t for my husband being there and knowledge that I have to get to work to make money and help contribute so we can build our dream home, I would just give up and lay there. But I have someone who needs my help so I do it. My dog also helps me get out of bed in the morning. He needs my attention, to be fed, to be loved on. If it weren’t for my dog and husband, I think I would just lay there all day.

What’s happening to me? Is there any way to combat this?

I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared

I finish my degree (musical theatre) at the end of this year - what do I do afterwards? Do I keep pursuing my dreams, even though I’m not so certain in them anymore? Do I let myself rest and take a gap year - but what if I can’t rest because my brain just keeps bouncing off of everything? Do I go study another degree in the university that all my friends seem to be at, and have that classic uni experience - but that’s really expensive, in time and in money! 

I’m so scared it wakes me up at night. 

Any advice?

My friend is struggling with heavy early 20 burn out. He has no family backing him and he hates falling on friends to help. His vehicle currently has a tire that needs replacing so he’s relying on uber rn to and from home and work.

He feels miserable as much as he feels stuck. He needs structure and instruction/a boss but hates feeling like he fails at his job because he does things the efficient way rather than the corporate way- I recommended that he does zip recruiter or insta work to have the ability to explore multiple areas or at least have the freedom to pick up shifts- I also recommended cold calling and career fairs especially online ones where he doesn’t have to worry about transportation issues.

I even told him depending what he wants to go into, I can help him get into and complete certifications together (though I don’t know if that offended him).

I told him also to update his LinkedIn just so he had a list of people he could at least ask career guidance about or even get an interview for which is what I did and I got free services as well.

But I can’t think of anything else. He struggles alot with being able to feel like he can go for things due to financial guilt and feeling like he could mess up his current income but he’ll just be stuck in a loop if not. I even told him he should just show up to work days and ask if he can volunteer a day of his time to show off skills because I walked into my current job asking for work and I got it.

He also loves on sight training.

I just feel lost on how to give advice to him because I know the main precious resources 20 year olds have is time to go from the ground up especially if they live with parents.

Hi

i’ve never spoke to anyone about this yet as it’s a situation were i genuinely don’t know what to do. i’ve been with this guy for 4years and we have a one year old together. im 23F on a throwaway account btw. we live together and i can currently only work part time due to financial struggles and a not supportive relationship. my boyfriend refuses to help with the child and refuses to get childcare as it’s ’too dangerous’ but also expects me to pay for EVERYTHING. he’s a dead beat that i can’t afford to get away from. i plan to move myself and my kid away as soon as possible but with the combination of lack of full time employment (due to not being allowed childcare or even having the funds for it) and the general cost of everything no adays im fully fully fucked. i don’t want to be controlled anymore and ive tried to up my paycheck with no success. any advice or help would really work. i’m currently 4 months behind on rent (around £3000) and trying to escape this hell hole of a relation ship. please and advice or help.

You see im still living at my parents, do that is very difficult to have a job and buy an apartment or a house in my country. sadly my college don't have dorms so I can not stay there. Thing is, today I wanted to have a relaxed day an play on my videogames after a long week at college. My parents kept telling me to do stuff, and I started to get annoyed, because they start to remodel the house, and I thought it was unnecesary, they kept telling me to clean after the renovation they did, I alreafy haved done other chores they told me and i just become moody.They didn't let me go to my friends to the movies. Im not upset but Im just wondering why Im still such a moody person. Thank God I did not tell some mean things when they were scolding me.