r/SexPositiveWomen

How do you guide a new partner sexually when your preferences are very specific?

I’m in a newer relationship with someone I’m extremely attracted to, but we’re still learning each other physically and I’m struggling to communicate what works for me without getting stuck in my head.

I don’t really enjoy a lot of the “default” foreplay approaches that seem to work for most people my boyfriend has previously been with, like lots of internal stimulation or immediate/direct clitoral touch. What works much better for me is slower build-up, teasing, pressure and more full-body/pelvic contact rather than very focused stimulation.

My boyfriend is genuinely lovely and really wants to understand me properly. He’s very respectful and conscious of boundaries, especially because he knows I had a bad early experience with consent when I was younger. The problem is that he asks me to show or explain what I like, and I completely freeze when I feel watched or perceived. I’m AuDHD and once I become self-aware during intimacy I get stuck in analysis mode and can’t relax again.

My ex and I figured things out much more instinctively over time, but with my current boyfriend I think we’re both trying so hard to “get it right” that it’s accidentally creating pressure.

I don’t think the issue is lack of attraction or chemistry at all, it’s more that I struggle to communicate physically/verbally in the moment without feeling awkward or like I’m killing the mood.

Has anyone navigated something similar? Especially moving from overthinking/performance anxiety into more natural chemistry and guidance with a partner who genuinely wants to learn you?

Hiii, I’m 23 and I had my 1st with this guy I met and it wasn’t great, he was really nice but I didn’t feel any pleasure which people say it’s normal so I went out with him again and had my 2nd and it was even worse..
We had a little bit of penetration but I barely felt any pleasure, then the condom ripped and it was the last one so I was my hand.
We did it, and when he came I thought he’d give me some attention but no, he just cleaned himself, go dressed and said he was going out to buy food. I went with him, he didn’t pay attention to me, was always on the phone and on the way back told me that it would be better for me to go home because he had to study.. so I did because I was getting really annoyed by his attitudes.
When he left the train he just waved bye and that’s it.
I still haven’t messaged him yet and I don’t think I will but the problem is that some of my friends are saying that it’s normal for women not to pleasure and for men not to care for their pleasure, is it true?
What do you guys think?
Thanks <3

I have always been passionate about giving full body oil massages to my partners with no clothes on. I genuinely enjoy delaying sex with massage and fingering. My current gf also enjoys it a lot but she has suddenly started to develop interest in sniffing my d*ck and she does that passionately too. I enjoy that but does it mean anything?

I am going through a terrible breakup and I feel really terrible about my body and everything I see on the Internet seems like it comes from attractive models.

Is there any way I can platonically compare nudes with someone (like a normal looking person) so I can get an idea of whether or not I’m ugly?

so I’m a 20 yr old male, I dont really like to put labels on my sexuality, but for the sake of the question I’m talking about me, a biological male having sex with biological women. I’ve always wanted, since I was 14, a huge family with a ton of kids (not adopting. I respect it, but I really just want kids that look like me and have my DNA) and I really just want to have as many kids as possible.

the thing is, a little bit ago, I was looking at a vagina while having some ‘persona time’ (usually I never actually look at one, i usually just look at the women or if I’m having sex Its in the dark because im scared of making a weird face or doing something equally embarrassing, so i dont usually see it when i eat it) and i was extremely put off. to give some context, i can watch porn while eating, and have a very strong stomach. I even run competitions for money with my friends to see who can keep eating while watching disgusting videos of things like how sausages are made, and I always win.

Looking at a vagina legitimately made me gag.

i thought it’d have to just be that one that made me sick to my stomach, but i kept looking at them, and it kept happening. I tried to look at diagrams of the vagina to see if I’m looking at some kind of disease, but they really just look gross. it’s like chewed up bubble gum with a hole in it, and crinkly, fleshy masses that stretch, with parts poking out sometimes, and it’s generally all around nasty.

i know i sound like an incel, but I’m genuinely scared to disappoint my girlfriend or hurt her feelings, but I’m scared i won’t be able to get hard or I might gag when we start. can I get tips?