r/Regrets

I (26F) regret breaking up with my boyfriend. We were together for a little over two years, by the end, my memory is so convoluted I don’t know who hurt who, but one day he yelled at me so horribly, for the final time, I had to break up with him like I was ripping off a bandaid. I was going crazy, but now that we’ve separated, I feel like I’ve grown crazier.

I’ve become aggressive, angrier at the world. I also have my own apartment/car/support myself basically, and in the state of this economy, the pressure has built up. Things are so expensive now. He couldn’t stand that I had college debt I was insecure about, so now I know I’ll definitely never get into a good relationship now, no one wants someone like me with college debt.

I’ve tried distracting myself with the gym which I’ve made progress, but some nights are so hard without him. I feel like a stupid child when I say he was probably right about everything he said about me. Like I must not love my parents, because they took on some college debt I can’t repay back, made me write a list of how to act around him, I had to walk on eggshells. I regret ever going to college. I wonder if I said or did anything that made him… like that. But he was the one sensible man who saw through my bullshit and took care of me when things got financially hard… then would hold it over my head later if he was upset with me about something… but I think, I don’t know, it was my fault anyways. Everything is so disillusioned now for me.

Anyone recommend a good medication? And when will it get better? To calm the swirling thoughts. It’s been seven months since we’ve separated. Please be kind.

I was in such a dark place mentally, physically…I just had knee surgery again for the 3rd time. My wife is in the middle of busy season. She told me having sex with me is a chore, doesn’t initiate it ever, isn’t affectionate towards me. Basically seems like she’s unattractive to me. Been sexless for a year and I fucked up because I wanted some instant gratification.

I was on a flight home from holiday recently and there was a really cute guy sitting across the aisle from me. I thought he was attractive and I felt that little “should I say something?” moment… but I completely froze.

He had his earphones in most of the flight, so I didn’t want to disturb him, and I kept telling myself I’d just make eye contact and smile at some point to break the ice.

But I just couldn’t bring myself to do even that. He looked over at me a few times, and I definitely noticed, but I overthought it and avoided eye contact completely.

Now I’m honestly really annoyed at myself because it feels like such a missed opportunity. I keep thinking that if I don’t make the first move more often, I’m never going to meet anyone. Where I’m living now, guys are more reserved and the girls usually make the first move. I’m used to guys initiating where I’m from.. so I think I’m just not used to putting myself out there like that.

Just needed to vent a bit… has anyone else had moments like this? How do you get over the regret of not doing something so simple?