r/OlderMan

I'd like to preface by saying that I've never posted in this sub before, so I apologize if this has been posted in the wrong flair; I saw the rant flair, but I am truly looking for advice here.

I've always loved older men (and women) in general. The problem is that I have always felt like there is something wrong with me for that, and something wrong with older men (I have no luck with women and it disappoints me) for being into younger women. Long story short, I acted like a complete and utter hypocrite today, and I can't tell if I'm in the right or in the wrong.

I have a coworker about 40 years older than me (I'm in my early 20s) and in some weird way that I don't even think I was consciously aware of it, but I think I've been crushing on him, which opens up a whole other can of worms, but we'll ignore that for now. This man has been hitting on me all the time, and I act nonchalant, but I like it when he calls me attractive. I like it, and then I feel shame because I feel wrong for liking it.

Today, he told me that a bond has been forming between him and coworker who is special, who he wants a relationship with. My heart jumped into my throat because I fully thought it was me, but he was talking about another girl right around my same age, maybe slightly younger. Proceeded to show me these gorgeous photos of her, and telling me how pretty she is. I basically destroyed our entire relationship, friendship, whatever, by saying it was disgusting that he would even think about someone that young like that because it's weird and it makes him a predator. I was so fired up, I truly 100% believed that until I sat down and realized that I was jealous. Rightfully so though, this girl looks like a goddess, and I wish I was making it up, but I promise I'm not. Sent him a long text saying how disgusted it makes me feel that he says these things to me.

Problem is, I should be disgusted with him. I'm not though. I like it. But at least I have the decency to feel shame about it. I feel quite horrible, but I know there is no mending the relationship because when I sever something I make sure it is completely (love my bpd, oh boy oh boy) severed.

This sounds more like rant because I don't even know what I need advice on. Should I feel shame? Am I right? Am I wrong? Could I even fix this? Should I want to fix this?

I'm 20, at university studying law, and last year I started an internship at a law firm where I met my boyfriend who is 37. I really like him and things have been going well, but telling my dad feels quite honestly, very scary.

He's always been vocal about disliking age-gap relationships, and when I was a teenager he told me directly he'd be upset if I ever dated an older guy. I know that comes from a protective place, but it makes this conversation feel pretty hard to have.

I'd love to hear from some parents if possible, how would you want your kid to tell you something like this? What approach would give it the best chance of going okay? And realistically if this isn't going to go down very well how the hell do I prepare for that?

Was chatting with this lovely lady, who informed me she was 18. She was from the UK, and I'm from Canada.

Interesting lady, smart, a little different, exactly my type!

I got suspicious when she sent me a few pictures of herself. Small details like length of finger nails much different between pics (short, then long, then short... In the space of a few days) or the cell phone case (no sticker, then a sticker, then no sticker). Minor, but enough to notice.

Then she took a pic of the back of one of her text books... Included the bar code. So I scanned it and asked Google what age is this book typically used in the UK education system.

15-17.

Now I'm scared... She's not being held back, claimed she is going to go into uni maybe next year. Or work to support the family.

So I took my chat history, uploaded it into chatgpt, and asked it to analyze my conversation. Yikes. Chatgpt warned me that there are several red flags and that this person appears to be under 18, and I should immediately cut off conversation with her.

Given that I uploaded that chat history, I did some digging...openai will review with a human, ban your account and forward to a (US) national agency for crimes against children. Now I'm freaking out. Cut all contact with her and wondering how do I protect myself in future?

So I have a 28yr gap w my partner, hes 67, 68 this year and Im 39, 40 this year. I have never felt this way about another man that I have dated/had sex with. The sex is what hooked us initially and now have grown into something more serious over the years.

I am very open about my feelings toward him. I am also clingy and have borderline personality disorder so I can have some rough moments. The fact that he doesn't talk about his feelings makes my brain spiral about once a month or so around my cycle and I usually end up saying or doing something that hes basically like "ahh here is the age difference". We have perseverance through ROUGH arguments in my delusional states sadly and he is still here. We still have this strong bond after 4 years.

Now we don't have sex as much sometimes but honestly I can just masturbate because I would never cheat on him because our sex is that good it's worth waiting for and I just have this magnetic intense love for him and the desire to take care of him that I've never really felt before and I'm attracted to his maturity and personality even though sometimes I act like it bothers me because it does sometimes but I realize that I love him more than I care about these personality flaws as I have many myself.

Sorry this is long-winded but I have gotten better with my BS and delusion and that doesn't really happen much anymore and now I just kind of get a little snarky because we don't hang out as much as I'd like to but he is a more solitary guy and has never been married and has no children, and yet loves my son and so I know he cares about me because of the way he acts I'm just curious if it's his age why he doesn't say it more often?

Also no its not for money. He doesn't pay my bills and we take turns paying when out. I don't want anything from him but his company.

I’ve been talking to this older guy for the past few weeks, and everything has been fine. He’s a super busy guy but he finds a way to text me when he has time. We FaceTime sometimes and we just talk for hours. And like suddenly on a random Tuesday he just stops responding to me. I haven’t heard from him in like 2 days. And I’m so confused bc we went from being just normal to suddenly no response. I’m stuck trying to figure out what the hell I did wrong, I had no idea older guys also participate in ghosting.

It hurts so much bc I had planned to see him this summer and spend time with him. Like he seemed excited about it and I did too. I thought we both liked each other. I’m so fucking sad, confused and angry right now.

When we started talking he was sweet and nice and he seemed into me. And what’s so crazy is that it wasn’t like a gradual decline of text messages it’s was like a sudden stop. Like seriously the last text was him sending me a selfie and I responded saying I missed him. And he just stopped responding.

I don’t understand someone please explain this to me.

These subs make me feel a bit better because this age I'm at can be confusing. At my current age you can get called old and young on the same day. I spent most of my 20s working full time (or more) and going to school full time, buying property and building a future. I finished school, got a career job, and turned 30. I'm now in a much better position to date and put my time and attention into a relationship, including being able to be a better supporter. But if I happen to find a girl who is 18-20 attractive, it's like I'm treated as "wrong" and inherently predatory. And it seems like something that is culturally fairly new. It's like our culture is now trying to say both an 18-20 year old is still a minor, can't comprehend and handle a relationship with someone older, but just 10 years later, you're old.

I don't mind dating my age either, or even a bit older (and have), but I keep my options open. I don't find a bunch of tattoos/piercings attractive, and prefer slimmer body types, so that just happens to be younger more often. I think there's also the vibe younger women tend to have, not yet bitter or angry from years of influential social media. I like to be active and have fun, and to be able to have kids someday, ideally after getting plenty of time to focus on just us (whoever that becomes) first before we do. I think these are all mainly natural desires as a guy.

Ok sorry if this is a naive post, but I have a crush on my professor and I feel like something is happening that potentially shouldn’t be. I’m a sophomore and I’ve known this professor for about a year now. This is the first semester that I’m taking a class with him so now I’m able to actually go to office I hours. Anyways I’ve been going once a week and our conversations have gotten really off topic to the point that we no longer talk about the course. It just seems like he has more and more interest in my personal life and I don’t know what to do. Like he asks questions about me that literally have nothing to do with class 😭 He’s married and I’m assuming he just has good intentions as a professor, but in all honestly I lowkey really like him and wouldn’t mind if he was interested. What do I do???

A few months ago, a made a couple of posts about an ongoing situation with my coworker. To put back some context, I've started a new job 6 months ago, and since the beginning, I had a big crush on one of my coworker, who happens to be almost 20 years older than me. It hadn't be easy to approach him at the beginning, but I slowly managed to make my way to him. We slowly became closer, and I started flirting with him. He reciprocated it, and it was such an exciting period. We went on a date in February. The date was amazing, and we had sex. After that, everything shifted. He was still friendly, but he pulled back. I tried messaging him a few times, offering dates or just outings but he ghosted me. He slowly revealed his true nature : he is an avoidant. We never had a conversation about all this, about the date, about why he pulled away. I accepted it, because the only thing I wanted was for him to feel comfortable, and for our bond to remain. 

After that, I tried distancing myself emotionally from him. Because I was really infatuated by him. I tried, but failed miserably. As I was trying to ignore him, or give him less attention, it only did the opposite. Ignoring him just felt like punishing myself. Acting nonchalant when he was talking to me was nearly impossible because a single glance he gives me makes my whole body and soul melt away. Just to see his smile brightens up my whole day. And so, I finally had to admit it to myself. This is not a crush. I am in love with this man. And it's a tragedy, because it is a true, devastating, impossible love. 

A couple of weeks ago, I came to the realization that I loved him, and so, I stopped the nonchalant comedy and I returned to what I truly felt. I give him attention again, I show him that I care. And he appreciates it, and he reciprocates it. We're not flirting, but we're showing each other deep affection. And so, naturally, yesterday, I decided to send him a message and offered him to have dinner at my place. I had great faith, because I had left him alone these last couple of months, didn't ask for an explanation, didn't talk to anyone about what happened, gave him space, and time. I had been impeccable. But then, he disappeared again. No answer. Nothing. He ghosted me once again when i tried to get closer.

The contradiction of his behavior is driving me insane, and for the first time, I'm considering an option that I had never considered before. I want to confess my feelings to him. It feels crazy, because I just know he would never believe it, because it is crazy. He is 20 years older, and he's my coworker, and has worked for this company for 10 years+ and would certainly not risk his career for a young girl like me. But I want to do it, I want to do it for myself. To release the weight of this confession, of this forbidden love that I feel. I want to risk it all, because if I don't speak my feelings, then I'll never give myself a chance. I don't know how it's going to happen, or when. I will let him know that I would like to speak to him. Privately. I have no idea what I'm going to say, but I need to speak my heart out.