Hi, (32M) I've been diagnosed with ADHD and been prescribed extended release Ritalin 40mg, two months ago. I don't take the meds on a daily basis, it's really for when I need it, I think on average I take them 2-3 days a week. It's been going great, it really helps me with my work, chores, and even personal activities. But one thing I've noticed is that it makes me want to speak about somewhat deep stuff. I won't go too into details on this, but I need to explain my situation a bit. For several reasons, since a few years now, I've been thinking about whether or not I'm a cis man. I heavily identify with non-binary and agender identities. But so far, I'm not decided at all, and I've talked absolutely to no one about it, I just read a lot on the subject and write about it on my diary occasionally.

But when I take Ritalin, the subject comes up on the forefront of my mind quite often, and out of nowhere. Like I'm working on something and I start having deep thoughts about it, and sometimes even get a bit emotional. Two days ago, while the effect was ongoing, I even considered telling my best friend, who is queer, about it. A few hours afterwards, it's like another person was in my brain while the meds were in effect, and the mere notion of telling someone other than anonymous redditors now seemed utterly ridiculous. I'm not sure, I would have gone ahead and told her if the effect lasted longer, and in this case, it wouldn't have had bad consequences.

But it makes me wonder : why the hell does this happen ? It's not bad enough to make me stop taking them and I'll be sure to tell my psychiatrist about it next time, but I want to know if other people on here, be they queer or not, had similar shifts in their mind on Ritalin, and if they managed to make it better.

Also, although I haven't taken steps to officially diagnose it, I have many good reasons to believe that I'm on the spectrum, I assume that might also play a part in the whole thing.

Cheers !

I normally shave my face in the shower so this isn't a huge deal for me but I occasionally shave at the sink and have to use some kind of shaving cream. Most shaving cream for faces are made for men who are tripping over their dicks trying to be as manly as possible and that's just not gonna fly.

I'm not quite looking for lavender scented, but I need something that doesn't outright reek of masculinity.

Any suggestions?

I have started wearing crop tops sometimes and always wear them with like an open flannel or jacket because if I get nervous I was kind of hug them closed for a short time, I was curious what everyone’s experiences were wearing them with no jacket or flannel type clothing item

Imm 22 by the way Okay okay so I'm nonbinary and before I realized what that was I came out as bi and then lesbian and have just been back and forth with my sexuality because I do like women alot but I never been with a dude I also have had crushes on guys just never told them how I felt because I knew I would get rejected since I wasn't their type especially in highschool boys were rude and immature and yk how they are.... I have only been with one person my gf plus everyone knows me that I just like girls and if I came out again or told my family I liked men again they would just say it's a phase etc and I don't want that because it would be annoying.. plus sexuality is fluid

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We all know that there are gay men and women who ID as LGB and refuse to accept Transgender people, but what I didn't know, until recently, was that there were Transgender people who ostracize NBs.

How does throwing your community members under the bus help us in a world where we are already heavily targeted?

Even more than that, Nonbinary falls under the transgender umbrella, while still being an umbrella term in itself (all NBs are trans, but not all trans people are NBs), as the definition clearly states one is transgender when their identity differs from their assigned.

Transgender (Binary): Trans Male and Trans Female.

Transgender (Nonbinary): When one feels their gender is a blend of both, neither, or is completely different from the male and female.

So why is it that some trans people choose to invalidate NBs? We are all fighting to stay afloat in a society that clumps us all together and treats us like trash while dealing with our own psyches and dysphoria.

Note: I'm well aware that some NBs choose not to consider themselves Trans. I'm merely using the definition and speaking from my own experience. If you don't like this or don't have a response that can add value to what I'm asking, please don't respond. This is a genuine question that I'd like answered, and would prefer to save the drama for the conservatives who gang up on my Instagram. Thanks.

I've been using they/them pronouns for about 2-3 years now and i mainly just wear baggy clothes and i'm really having trouble finding gender neutral clothing brands and i don't want like suits or apparel like that PLEASE HELP ME OUT (i just need like brands or like styles or outfits that's it)

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I’m afab & I’ve been on the dating apps lately & a lot of guys ask if I’m trans. I always thought I was secure in my gender & like being nonbinary but having so many guys ask me that makes me feel negatively. Whenever I ask why they ask they rarely give me an answer, which makes me think it’s because they think I look like a man(I think specifically bc it’s dating apps this is the case. Bc they’re all tryna fuck tbh & they wanna know what’s in my pants w/o being as blunt or finding out in person)(Alternatively they could be wanting to fuck a trans girl in which case I just wouldn’t be their type at all I guess?). I don’t know if having these negative feelings invalidates me identifying as nonbinary though. I feel like being nonbinary I would care less about being asked this for some reason lol. Being trans isn’t a bad thing either but I don’t identify that way as I don’t really feel out of line with my body, more so just the social construct of gender? But being asked so often if I’m trans makes me feel like clockable? For lack of a better word. Being raised socially as a girl too there’s like this pressure to perform a certain way & I don’t know if that’s all I’m feeling when I feel this way. But yeah anyway if you couldn’t tell I’m kinda a chronic over thinker & I have waaay too much time on my hands today so, am I just being sensitive? Is it valid for me to identify as nonbinary? What are your thoughts?

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i came out as nonbinary in 2012 pretty much as soon as the word started gaining traction in my online trans circles. cue more than a full decade of being the Nonbinary 101 machine that all the binaries used to project their gender anxieties onto. unfun, but as the years went on i met more and more nonbinary people in the local queer scene. i still always felt "outside" of society because of my gender & the reactions strangers had to my gender expression & the sexual harrassment i've faced.

people have been reading me as transfeminine for a long time & i always felt gross telling them what i "actually" am (in those moments i considered myself transneu). this year i broke down and admitted to myself & my partners that i just want to be a normal transfem; i don't want to talk to strangers IRL about my body or my gender, i don't want the pressure to reveal my AGAB, i don't want to be the "first contact" enby, i don't want to explain my ideal pronouns (it/its) to people who won't understand. while none of those things are things i'll be able to 100% avoid (people are going to assume my AGAB anyways), functionally i *have* so far. the last time i was asked my pronouns i just said "she/her" and that was it, the conversation just... moved on. no hemming and hawing over grammar & respectability & back-in-my-day bullshit.

i am struck by how *normal* i feel in my gender while i'm doing this. i've never felt that before. despite the active nonbinary community around me there are also many tgirls in my city and incredibly i am just one of them. completely ordinary. i'm struggling to emphasize the huge difference it's made for me — i used to have big spikes in my chronic pain whenever i'd get stressed over gender and i haven't had one for *months.* and i can no longer "feel" the internal difference in being a girl and being neutrois; i feel both mixed together so thoroughly there's no dividing one from the other. my wife has been calling me a trans woman more frequently and it just makes me feel seen in my experiences with transmisogyny, not fearful of "losing" my gender reputation as an enby.

i'm really unsure of what this all means. sure, i know i can be multiple genders, i know not every transfem or tgirl is binary, and my gender has been so fluid before (changing every 1-3 years). but the feeling of *being ordinary* is so completely new i'm kind of unmoored. kind of thought i'd feel like an anxious gender outlaw for my entire life cuz that's what i've been for as long as i can remember — but nope. i'm confused!

What does it mean if I (a non binary (AMAB) person) person falls in love too fast but when it gets serious I'm way too scared about it. I've had a crush on a girl once and as soon as she paid interest in me I thought "no that's too much for me" and ran away. I think I really loved her but the idea of just being friends was so much easier and more comfortable. I don't know what's happening with me. At first I thought I was into boys but after some time I realized that it wasn't for me. I call myself pansexual but more.in the neptunic way. Can anyone understand that feeling and can help me understand my feelings. I'm so confused 🥲😕

I used to identify as transmasc non-binary which still feels right . I do enjoy presenting masc and I'm on a low dose of T and Post Top Surgery. But now since I don't want to identify or be perceived as male anymore and take HRT I've been struggling with a label . I used to identify with demiboy as well . I still like dressing masc some days and I do perceive myself as more masc even on the days I wear makeup or girly clothes. But I don't see myself as a man or a woman but I've lived as both . So maybe Bigender but I really don't feel like any gender tbh . Just the thought of having to choose a box or people putting me in one stresses me out. But I hate dealing with male stuff on T and I'm ok with things I hated pre-T reverting . I think it's due to top surgery. I have voice dysphoria as well which T helped with but that's the only thing I wanted from T besides bottom growth. Everything else I'm ok with or without it. I'm just not really sure how to navigate the world when I feel everything has a label on it .

I've been trying out the name Lani for a while now, and I think I do like it a good bit. But at the same time, it's a Hawaiian name, and I didn't get it from looking into Hawaiian culture or anything, I got it from the laniakea supercluster, although I have since looked a bit more into the name beyond that.

Is it like, okay to just use the name though, especially as a white American? Like if I decibe to fully go by it in the future is that going to cause issues or be looked down upon by a lot of people?

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For example, I'd like a partner who's open to calling me their "girlfriend" or a female partner who likes it when I call them my "boyfriend"

Or even us dressing up together in any conforming or non-conforming outfits and cosplay that we'd like

I desire this type of relationship so bad

But I know it's not going to be easy considering how heteronormative and gendernormative people usually are. Even some queer people continue to stick to these norms

Which areas or events (online and IRL) can I visit to make a friend who may or may not share these values and potentially evolve into a long-term partner?

And am I becoming too picky for preferring a partner who shares these similar values?

Silly question I know, but this is something I’ve struggled with internally since exploring transitioning for a couple of months, thinking I should stop and continue reflecting with therapy and discussions, and being around a lot of groups that haven’t felt the most supportive of the real me growing up.

I want to be able to be able to feel seen as pretty or beautiful or other generally “feminine” compliments. I haven’t really liked being called handsome or whatever in comparison. I feel that despite not appearing too masculine (fortunately for me) and sometimes being able to be mistaken for a girl when my hair is longer, having a male physique and features makes me think I can not feel this way about myself. Heck I even think about how to me, having a bulge be slightly visible in some clothes really shouldn’t matter because it’s unfair to my body and I don’t think I should feel shame for having male parts. Other areas like having broader shoulders and a less curvy physique also are a little upsetting since they add to my mind saying “you can’t look cute.” I feel like saying this contradicts not thinking transitioning is right for me, but it’s possible to appear soft or feminine for other masculine people, so how can I do this and get my mind to unlearn these beliefs?

Hey all, this is my (amab —>enby) first summer out as nb, and I am starting to think about being at the pool and the beach as I have a holiday in about a month. I am not sure what swimwear to wear. I am not medically transitioned, so obvs cannot wear a bikini, but swim trunks feel too male. Anyone got any advice on what they wear or things they’ve come across? Maybe something like high waisted swim shorts that are short on the thigh? I’ve not seen anything like that though.

Me and my fiancée (both 21nb) have been in a relationship for years, both of our families are really supportive of us and say we’re good for each other but my family acts weird..?

They keep treating us like a cishet couple, they’ve been extremely supportive of both our gender identities on a surface level, but I’ve started to notice the way they talk about us is like a man and a woman, I thought maybe it’s just cus that’s their experience but since noticing it, it feels like they just see us as our “agab’s” with a fancy extra label (admittedly i do dress pretty butch which may reinforce this, but in like the most clearly “oh they got pronouns n a sexuality” way that mom groups would gossip about T<T) they’re also pretty bad with pronouns though they do correct themselves either after realisation or prodding, which is good atleast but I feel like it’s a bit weird seeing as I’ve been out for a long time

I want to marry my fiancée, I love them with all my heart… but idk if I’d want my parents at my wedding if they just see us as a cishet couple with extra flair, I mean what happens when my ma can’t get perfect facebook pictures cus we’re both in dresses even though I’m masc presenting, I feel like she’d complain cus it’s not easily explainable to some of her horrible friends (she’s friends with anti vaxers and anti trans people even if she “doesn’t agree with them”)

I don’t know how to feel… they’ve been so outwardly supportive that noticing this feels like a shock to the system, that it’s all been a lie and every time my ma texts me it feels like a punch to the gut and I feel guilty

Idk, it just feels like… wrong, but maybe I’m overthinking things, I know yall don’t know my familial relationships but how would you read this situation?

hello! 🙂

i’m in a bit of a strange situation. i am very confidently agenderfluid, so i consider myself entirely agender underneath everything, but am fluid regarding how i present and how i am okay with people perceiving me and whether or not i’m okay with my body. basically, sometimes i’m able to ignore everything and go with the flow, and sometimes i desperately and painfully wish i was a transgender man. and then i’m back to ignoring everything and wearing athleisure and letting my hair down and letting people she/her me and going with the flow again! 😛

however, because of my dysphoria - both with my physical body and socially, both of which fluctuate -, i am incredibly dissociated from everything at all times. i am not physically in my body literally ever at all, to the extent that it has impacted my personal and family life, career, and even legal record.

and it’s not for lack of trying! i’ve tried everything: drag, changing my presentation, medication (including self-medication 😉🍃), exercise, dieting (well… anorexia), yoga, dance therapy (including pole dancing), talk therapy, religion, switching careers, volunteerism, EVERYTHING. not even major life events - like car accidents, being arrested, loss of a loved one, health emergencies (INCLUDING being infected during a global pandemic), and sudden perpetual unemployment - have been enough to shock me into living the life i’m supposed to live and being open about who i am and what i want, whether that’s with others or even just with myself. it’s not to say i haven’t had feelings during all those things, i definitely have! and on top of it all, i worked in end-of-life care; i know almost better than anyone that our time on this planet is short, and i know i DONT want to reach the end in the wrong body, under the wrong name, and be remembered as a complete stranger.

i don’t consider myself lazy or apathetic - but, if you consider me that way, i guess i can’t really argue with that. i wouldn’t believe me either, but i’ve genuinely been searching for a solution for DECADES. it feels like i’m waiting for a breakthrough that will never come, and looking for solutions to problems i’m the one causing for myself.

my therapist recently mentioned that i’m a solo candidate for hypnotherapy, due to an unrelated lifelong needle phobia that hasn’t responded to any other treatment. i looked into it, and hypnotherapy in my state is not covered by my insurance, and starts at about $180 per session. i’m not against it, i just can’t afford it right now - and even if i do go through with it, i wanna do it RIGHT, in part because it’s time to kick this thing and also because, i mean, it’s $180 per session. 🥲 the needle thing is probably also just me standing in my own way, which got me thinking: if they put me under (or… whatever 😵‍💫), i want to not stand in my own way with ANYTHING when i come back up. including gender. is this possible, has anyone tried this?

and if this DOESNT work… maybe there’s always ketamine and psychedelics. 🌀 not in my state, but i have a car and nothing else going on, so i guess i could travel! 🧳

if i don’t figure this out, i’m worried i run the risk of repeating these same behaviors and patterns that keep me dissociated, no matter how hard i try to break them. is there any other, more cost-effective way? are these even genuine ways? let me know! 😪