Hello. I’m not sure how to start off and I feel awkward even typing this because I’m not used to communicating my feelings with strangers but I really wanted to get some things off my chest and seek advice. I’m currently a high school junior residing in New York City and I feel just absolutely alone. I reverted last month because of my decline in mental health and I hoped that faith would help guide me. It has helped me immensely and oftentimes I’ll remind myself that what is written for me will find me. But, I just feel like I don’t have mental stability.

I constantly feel this dread of being alone. My family is Chinese and Buddhist so I’m also extremely afraid of them finding out I’m muslim and how they’d react. I feel guilty because my grandma has been praying to Buddha to try and cure my ‘sickness’. The ‘sickness’ being my lack of motivation, my eating disorder, my constant nausea, and just my lack of will to live. My mother asks me whats wrong but how am I meant to tell her that I have no will to live and that I wish I could just kill myself? I’ve already been to the doctor and I’ve been prescribed antidepressants. My doctor has recommended for me to go to a psychiatrist and therapy but my mother says she doesn’t want me to. Partially because she doesn’t understand the extent my mental health has declined to and I don’t think she knows that I cut my wrists (I’ve stopped since I reverted). I also struggle with my eating disorder, I can’t stomach food without feeling nauseous and making myself purge.

This also leads to different psychological warfare I have with myself. I feel so guilty every time I eat and feel the need to throw up. Theres people actively dying to genocides and struggling to make ends meet yet, I’m privileged enough to live comfortably, have money to buy food, and spend on things that aren’t necessities. I feel like I’m so fucking spoiled and I have the opportunities that many people don’t get the chance to have, yet I’m letting things go to waste because of my mental health. But then I get caught between validating my own feelings and telling myself that it’s alright to feel this way, that it’s okay and everybody goes through things. Just because my issues aren’t necessarily major, it doesn’t mean I should just bottle it up and invalidate them. And then I just go back to that immense guilt of thinking about the situations of others because I can’t help but be selfless. It gets so exhausting.

In addition to my depression, I also struggle with imposter syndrome. As a revert, I feel like I’m so new to everything and I often envy those girls that wear the hijab. I envy those that grew up with the religion and how their culture wires so beautifully into it too. I wish I had guidance and friends that are also muslim. It gets so lonely and I have no one to talk to about religion. Learning arabic is hard, I don’t know how to recite the Quran, and I can’t even pray properly without using a video as a guide.

I just feel so alone. Sometimes I wish I could just overdose and die. I have so many insecurities, I feel like I’m not enough. I know Allah swt will ease my burden and I’m being put through hardship to be strengthened but it hurts so bad experiencing what feels like every part of my will to live being stripped from my grasps.

I want Jannah, I know I’ll never have to strength to take my own life. I feel guilty even wanting to die because I’m selfish for not being able to appreciate what some couldn’t have. Please give me insight, offer me advice, make dua for me, or even wish me luck. I’m sorry if I come off as an immature teenager that’s whining when there’s more important things in life to worry about. But my mental health is really at its limits and I wish to be heard for once. Thank you.

How do you deal with emotionally immature parents in Islam? Their behavior can be so damaging to one's health (mental, physical, emotional) and life (finances, opportunities, career).

I'm trying my absolute best, but nothing seems to be working. I've tried cutting contact (before realizing it might be akin to cutting ties and therefore haram, so no, may God forgive me), putting up boundaries, using a respectful but firm tone, the emotional distance, gray rocking, you name it. No success so far. I would really appreciate any help, advice, testimonies from people who have been through this and come out of it with good, sane, healthy relationships with their parents.

Asalam’alaykum please make dua for my father’s job stability. The colleagues pressure him for extra work and they just don’t respect him which breaks my heart. They didn’t pay him entire salary yet and we’re afraid for our state may Allah make my father’s job stable safe and secure for him ameen. May my father receive his entire salary without any fuss every month ameen. Please all duas would mean the absolute world to me. May Allah bless you all jazak’Allah khair

My dad isa selfish,lier, abusive and a stupied piece of shit. He does stuff that clearly damages my property to the point. Even if I clearly explain the damage to him. Like I explained to him water leak causes damage to the house. He still tempers with water valves and already cracked my roof. I explained to him multiple times again and still tempers with the valves. This is one example only.

I need to vent but I can't handle him any more. I hate him. But also need help.

Update: apparently he may be autistic, have autism. Some times it only shows at older age. If your family member is not normal but not sick, start from here.

I don’t know if this is allowed on the subreddit but I will try anyway.

I have my Nikkah in september but I don’t yet have a job. I would like to ask you to make Dua for me to get a good job not anything crazy just to support my wife. Thank you in advance and may Allah SWT answer every Dua you make.

So some guy liked my sister but she ran away and now that guy's family is trying to threaten us and destroy my family lives. Please pray that they can't harm us. Please type Ameen, may Allah ease your problems as well.

Allah gave me the most beautiful, understanding, and pious woman, and I drove her away.

I was impatient, short-tempered, and took her for granted. My ego convinced me that she needed me more than I needed her. I also wasn’t strong in my deen, and instead of bringing her closer to Allah, I pulled her away. She gave me chance after chance, and every time, I let her down. We were engaged, planning to get married soon, but eventually she broke up with me.

It’s been almost a year, and I still think about her every day. I blame myself for everything that happened, for losing the one person who truly made me happy.
Everything reminds me of her, and I can’t stop blaming myself.

Allah gave me more than I deserved, and I failed to protect it. I make dua every day asking Allah to forgive me and to make her forgive me, even if there’s no way back.

I’m more patient now, more mindful, more religious. I pray every day and genuinely try to be a better man. But at what cost? I lost the person I loved most. She’s probably moved on now, building a life with someone else.

The hardest part is knowing I could have been better. I just wasn’t, until it was too late.
How will I ever forgive myself?

I love the sport of football (soccer, if you are from the states, i am from spain) since a kid and never got to play on a team being younger, which made me feel a type of way. i have a younger cousin who also loves football, (probably got it from me tbh) and i play with him regularly. i went with my uncle to watch him for a trial and he made it], Alhamdulillah, may Allah bless his efforts. i was happy for him while at the same time remembering involuntarily that i never got to play on a team. i tell my mom and she just goes on this rant about how i should be grateful and "Oh BUt yOU caN wAtcH yOUr kiDs pLay!" and how a Muslim shouldn't do as such, but she won't listen so i came here to rant.

TW:Suicide mentioned and depression

Sorry guys if you were expecting some well put together article because it’s really just a rant and that’s why I put the flair as others.

Anyway, I really hate life.
If there were two buttons I had to press where either one I could end all life on earth including mine or the second button where only my life will be ended. I would press the one where everyone’s life ends because I hate life that includes other peoples lives too. I don’t really care if someone’s a good person or a bad person or an animal. I will still choose to press to end everyone’s lives. Sometimes I wake up and I feel dread at the fact that I exist and have to go interact with others. I hate my parents for bringing me into earth. I’d rather be aborted. Sometimes I wake up and see news of climate change and extinct animals and I feel this twisted sense of happiness because I want the world to end. I don’t feel like this every time. It’s just a feeling I have every now and then.

Maybe it links to my depression but I wouldn’t know since I stopped therapy as I was getting better about my depression and I don’t know if fully healed. 2 days ago I was planning on gambling with my life, whereby if a certain situation ended up happening I would genuinely try ending my own life. I knew I’d be thrown in hell for it. However at this point I felt numb and finally over 2 years of being afraid of ending my life due to hell fire I stopped caring. I hate interfacing with my family and friends sometimes. Sometimes I see strangers and have genuine hatred for them. I hate praying it’s so long. I hate wearing hijab since it was forced on me. I spoke about my hatred for hijab in another post but today I’m feeling even worse I guess.

I say all this and at the SAME time I also love Islam. I love wearing hijab and even attempt to wear hijab more modestly and even contemplate wearing niqab when I go holiday in a Muslim country. Sometimes I like praying and try calming myself down as I pray. Sometimes I feel a flash of love for Quran and want to become a hafidh. But I do also sometimes hate hearing others play Quran because it’s so annoying. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I hate my mum. I hate me. I hate everything and everyone. But I don’t always feel this way. I’ll probably feel guilty about this post soon. It’s not even like there’s something bad happening to me in life right now. I just feel this immense sadness and hatred

Anyway long story short: everyone and everything sucks.

TW: su1c1de talk

I dont really know how to start this so im just going to dump this here and hope someone helps me. im in a mental battle with myself over this religion and i think im genuinely losing. my heart aches everyday and i cant seem to calm down.

i cant find mental peace.

i dont think i ever will.

i am in a muslim but non-practicing household.

i believed in Allah all my life. that is a fact. i still do now somewhat. like 10%.. but its so shaky.

its a horrific feeling ive been developing over the past few weeks.

like a sickness.

my imaan would be high one moment, and in others its gone. i dont want to leave islam. its the weirdest feeling ever. like someone put stones in my heart and forcing it to work harder to beat.

i havent prayed in months and have commited many private sins, which is probaably the source of this.

it started around 2 weeks ago. now im constantly suffering with these doubts.

i think things:

"im being blind."

"look at you, praying to nothing"

"its just stories and fiction."

"dont you realize Allah doesnt care?"

"atheism is the truth. youll see. this is your awakening."

"you are deluding yourself."

"Allah should be more humble." (ridiculous stuff, i know. horrific.)

it feels like a mental wall.

i believe its genuinely my ego + waswas and its killing my iman. i feel my heart rotting everyday. it never ends. i feel my heart and my thoughts becoming more and more secular and my heart starting to not give a shit about it.

i dont want to leave islam but in a way it feels inevitable. like this is what Allah wants for me. because of all my sins, this is going to be the punishment.

in a way its also hard for me to believe Allah exists. how can something this exhalted and holy exist? we dont deserve such good things such as Allah. mankind deserves nothing good especially as of recent.

it almost feels like im trying to foce myself to believe myths.

i feel like when i listen to people preach and recite quran, im looking at c u l t i s t s .

and before i used to like listening to them.

i dont know what to do anymore.

i want to feel my iman. yakine. my tawakkul. i just feel guilty, scared, egotistical, and doubtful.

is this sihr? evil eye? shayateen? what is this?

btw fyi i might have some form of OCD, but im not diagnosed. its a probability though.

id love some advice and if people can go make dua for my recovery. this is not normal.

im in grave grave danger.

infact i think im already a foot and a half past the tipping point.

and the other half of the foot is stepping out.

am i beyond saving?

is islam rejecting me?

is this religion not for me?

help me.

please.

i really dont want this.

ive lost myself.

im losing this battle and my heart is becoming numb.

i might sleep tonight a kaffir and that is a horrific thought that scares me.

i say im muslim, i feel like i told a huge lie.

i say im atheist, im panicking.

im so so so so so so so so so tired.

wallahi im done. i dont know anymore.

and the thing is islam is the only reason i didnt sewerslide.

if i lose that i lose meaning in life.

i will end up doing exactly what the sentence before says.

please please please help. im begging. begging and begging and begging.

I am in a situation where I have exams next week and I tried everything and I CANNOT get a good grade on any mock exam I train for it. I reviewed and reviewed again and again. At this point I am hopeless I vented to so many people I still feel hopeless. I tried making duaa but I just feel like I am so sad and down I just can't formulate things well in my head, I get too tired at some point from making duaa with how much I am sad ( I know it's bad ) so thats why I ask for your help. Please I need as much duaa as you guys can give me please I will be so grateful. If you guys can share duaas in comments for me to read it would save me. I need this exams, I need it. Really need it. I feel so down please pray for me inshallah allah may grand all what you all want but please I need it.

I hate my life so much. I keep asking him why did I go through that? Why me? Why didn’t I have a normal childhood? Normal teen era? Everyone around me were normal but I wasn’t. I was always mentally exhausted. Cried every single day. People mocked me every day. Where were he when I needed him the most? I’m still struggling and he’s not showing me mercy. I just want to die. I hate myself. I hate this world and all humans. I’m losing my mind. I’m exhausted. I’m so done.

Currently got a 56.9 percent on my physics class. I needed a 60 percent to pass . I’ve been studying for it + prayed tahajud just to pass the class (this is my second time taking it) I’ve been going through things and I’m not doing the best mentally . The prof already gave me an E (F) on the non official transcript I’m also on student visa so it’s not like I could just keep retaking classes if I want to . so please if you have any advice for me let me know what to do. Also if you’ve ever had any similar experiences let me know . If you don’t please please please make duaa for me and for my prof to have hidaya and let me pass the class. جزاكم الله خيرا