How do I forgive myself
Allah gave me the most beautiful, understanding, and pious woman, and I drove her away.
I was impatient, short-tempered, and took her for granted. My ego convinced me that she needed me more than I needed her. I also wasn’t strong in my deen, and instead of bringing her closer to Allah, I pulled her away. She gave me chance after chance, and every time, I let her down. We were engaged, planning to get married soon, but eventually she broke up with me.
It’s been almost a year, and I still think about her every day. I blame myself for everything that happened, for losing the one person who truly made me happy.
Everything reminds me of her, and I can’t stop blaming myself.
Allah gave me more than I deserved, and I failed to protect it. I make dua every day asking Allah to forgive me and to make her forgive me, even if there’s no way back.
I’m more patient now, more mindful, more religious. I pray every day and genuinely try to be a better man. But at what cost? I lost the person I loved most. She’s probably moved on now, building a life with someone else.
The hardest part is knowing I could have been better. I just wasn’t, until it was too late.
How will I ever forgive myself?