Questions about boundaries
I’m a man. Not really a strong type, still trying to take initiative in my life though, as I’m getting older. I also have a lot of trauma, therefore I’m not really looking to make myself a big presence anywhere.
I have a situation, that I’d like to speak on, I feel really powerless in. To start, I’m always really strict about following boundaries. If someone doesn’t want to talk to me, I absolutely will disappear. I never had any issues in my life cutting off people because when I was very young I felt like a nuisance to push myself into a situation where I didn’t belong.
Well in this specific situation, we kind of soft disconnected. The door was open. She was my best friend really. We’ve known each other for a long time, and the last words were, “Please give me some space, but we can talk again one day.” This was about me. I came off too strong and my anxiety at the time was really weighing heavy on her. She definitely told people who communicated it back to me. So I respected her and left.
I waited, for a very long time. We ran into each other often and both refused to talk. It became more and more awkward. Places that I frequented first, all the sudden I was running into her there.
After a while, she reached out to me, telling me to stop bothering her. That I waited too long and she was not happy with the situation, and I should never speak to her again. (I never once broke the silence. Or made any effort to reach out. But she heard my name through a friend of a friend saying I might want to talk again.)
If this was anyone else, I would absolutely refuse to give any energy whatsoever. But she is someone I have a deep respect for. There’s no one like her. I told her this often.
In my position, as a guy, I also did take a ton of effort to protect her in situations she felt vulnerable, when she communicated it to me. That was always the bare minimum I needed. She never communicated anything about her expectations from where she wanted me.
I’m curious, because I’ve heard from different people, that I should’ve owned up and just held down the relationship. That I should’ve set the pace and not let it get this bad.
Am I in the wrong? Because at this point I don’t think we’ll ever speak again. I think she might be out of my life forever. But I cannot stop thinking about her. She left but, she was obviously expecting something from me, and someone I love like that, it really eats away at me. The regret especially.
I just know too, that, communication is usually the disconnect I have in these sorts of situations. Where is like as much information as possible, so I don’t make assumptions, cause I’m a very unreliable person when it comes to my anxiety and my social background. If someone is extremely close to me, I’d personally like boundaries and open communication.