r/MTFButch

I’m pre-transitioned (AMAB) and have been experiencing feminine feelings for the last 2 years, but not fully. It feels like I’m about 2/3 feminine and 1/3 masculine — not just in gender expression, but internally too. These feelings are there all the time, though the feminine side is always much stronger. I feel both masculine and feminine all the time.

Even with that, I still want to be a woman because I’ve always preferred having a female body. Now I’m questioning myself : am I transfeminine, bigender, or a trans woman with some masculine traits? Have any trans women experienced this too?

This is just a bit of venting. I find interesting and confusing at the same time how different collectives react to the way I narrate myself.

I work at a drag queen bar as the bouncer. I usually wear masc clothing but I don't keep my hair buzzcut short and ocasionally I wear some makeup.

Funny thing is for drag queens and trans femmes I'm the butchest of the butches because I'm comfortable doing

""manly"" things and I'm not constantly trying to be the most feminine.

On the other side there are the cisgender lesbians who find me femme (even hyper femmes think this way).

I'm just thinking out loud but I feel the drag and the most normative trans scene have a very rigid(competitive?) way of categorize someone as femme like you have to reject masculinity and make big efforts to be considered feminine but lesbian scene is a lot more relaxed with that. I think they are somewhat inclined to focus on the feminine traits and the only way of being a butch is to making a big aesthetic effort to be one.

Outside all of this there are the bi women who are not as integrated in lesbian culture and perceive as an androgynous woman (and when they are into me I suspect is because they perceive as a non-threatening masculinity)

I know being a butch is not the same as being masc but I use that word because I think there is some kind of polysemy that clashes between these 2 worlds (i. e. the lesbian definition of Butch and being a "butch" queen)

I'm thinking a lot about this because they way other people perceive and narrate my story affects the in some degree the way I perceive myself ofc.

I'm not feeling bad about this, both ways of perceiving me are coming from love but I find it so interesting

Edit: Just writing this I found out the title is wrong. It is not trans women who find me butch. It is straight-leaning women (In my experience)