r/HillsideHermitage

here and on the website too. It makes me sad that almost everything all of you talk about is lastful thoughts and sexual desires.

It seems that "ordinary" people living their "miserable" lives think less, much less about it & much more about love, caring for others, tenderness, beauty... then those "renunciating" the ugly, "mundane" ordinary life.

Sad state of affairs.

I have an upcoming surgery and I'm wondering if taking opioid painkillers afterwards is wise. Are medicinal intoxicants mentioned in the commentary at all?

Bhante and friends,

I have built a free, offline sutta reading app called Sutta Companion — primarily for laypeople who want to study the Pāli Nikāyas and implement a daily practice based on the gradual training.

The app uses Bhikkhu Sujato's translations from the SuttaCentral database. It is free, ad-free, and fully offline. It is currently live on Android.

I am writing here specifically because I have recently added a practice module built around the gradual training as described in DN 2, MN 27, and MN 53 — from dāna and sīla through indriya saṃvara, sati-sampajañña, the five hindrances, paññā, brahmavihārā, samādhi, and vipassanā. Each stage in the app references the canonical source and uses short passages from Bhikkhu Sujato's translations to describe what is being tracked and why it appears at that point in the sequence.

I am a layperson and a software developer. I am not a monastic, not a scholar, and not trained in Pāli beyond basic reading. I have done my best to represent the gradual training faithfully but I am certain there are gaps, misrepresentations, or errors I am not qualified to catch myself.

Specifically I would welcome review on:

— Whether the sequence I have used (dāna → sīla → akushala kamma-patha → indriya saṃvara → sati-sampajañña → pañca nīvaraṇa → paññā → brahmavihārā → samādhi → vipassanā) accurately reflects the canonical gradual training or introduces distortions, although it is not hardcore sequence we need to follow there since lot of things can works parallel and helping each other parts .

— Whether the descriptions of each stage, which I have tried to draw from the suttas directly rather than from secondary sources, are faithful to the texts

— Whether the framing of samādhi as something that arises naturally from the preceding stages rather than as a technique to be practised is correctly represented — I relied primarily on the stock gradual training formula in DN 2 and the rose-apple tree recollection in MN 36

— Whether anything in the practice module, particularly around the hindrances and vipassanā sections, risks misleading a practitioner or giving the wrong impression of what the practice involves

I have tried to be honest with users about the limits of what an app can track.I have also included a note in the path module saying I am a layperson, that there may be errors, and inviting corrections.

If any of you have the time and inclination to look at this and tell me what is wrong, I would be genuinely grateful. The app is available on the Play Store — I can also share screenshots of the practice module and path descriptions specifically if that is easier.

I built this for my own practice and for laypeople like me who want something grounded in the early texts rather than in modern mindfulness repackaging. If the Dhamma parts are not right, the app does not serve that purpose regardless of how well the software works.

With respect, Kapil

Lately I have been struggling much with anxiety and fear. I have been spending time with it and trying not to act out of it (mentally or physically) but I feel stuck.

This anxiety has been triggered by my life essentially falling apart; I got sick, lost my job, and now likely have to go on disability insurance. Alongside all of this anicca and dukkha there has arisen a strong desire to control my life and have things remain the same, yet I see first hand that everything is impermanent and outside my control.

I wonder what advice HH or this community might have. Is it simply not acting out of the fear? Do I just need patience to grieve all these things I clung to? (It does seem to be getting better over the last month) Or should I focus more on recollecting anicca or some other dhamma?

Thank you friends.

Dear Teachers and Senior members,

I have read "Dhamma within reach" and am interested in practicing by keeping away entertainment. For me right now it is use of laptop for entertainment. I did this before for a few months so I have some experience.

This is how it usually goes and I want to get your feedback. I try not to go on laptop for entertainment use. I have all this free time.

1. I spend some on meditation
2. some reading dhamma books (but not try to do too much of this as it can turn into an avoidance of seeing my suffering)
3. running errands
4. talking to wife and kids while being mindful and keeping the goal as not to initiate idle chatter but engage as much as necessary to support them and keep them feel not distanced.
5. Rest of the major time goes in lying down in bed (or sitting in bed) and just being with myself. Watching my thoughts, observing what's going on, enduring the instincts to go on laptop

How does this sound and especially on "5", is there a better / recommended way to spend the idle time?

I have been following HH for some years now but still it is kinda in the dark how I exactly attain the right view. I haven't yet reached 8 precepts yet. I am stuck on celibacy but can keep 5 precepts fairly okayish with very occasional breaks. What I don't understand is how much of 8 precepts do i really need to take on for me to get the right view? Yes ik precepts are a close approximation of virtue but is the right view not possible on 5 precepts+ celibacy? Do i really need to reach a baseline of 8 precepts? (Also how far is celibacy necessary , do i need to be a loner no romantic relationships allowed or something?) Yes the animal does kick and scream from that idea of baseline 8 precepts, but i do intend to again start keeping weekly uposathas. But keeping a baseline of 8 just means I would have to cut off mostly everything from lay life. No friends, give up on getting into a relationship (is all this necessary? suttas don't have much on it , yes i do know company is a counter to seeing your citta but is giving up everything really that necessary? I see people here going to ordain and that makes me worried that for my goal maybe i also need to fulfil that requirement or something) while yes the scope of ignorance is massive but i can't understand why is 8 the minimum for me to attain right veiw is occassionally 8 okay or if it's not everyday it's no use? Is just 5 + celibacy okay ?

As far as my understanding goes eight precepts allow a lot of free time to ponder and look into the intentions but till what extent do i need to look? Do i need to understand how to endure pressure indefinitely and see that as not me because it was never "me" who was contributing in arising it hence I don't need to "do" anything for it to cease and thus allowing me to experimentally see anatta and thus break the self identify fetter and the the rest two as well? I'm sorry i know it feels a very obvious question and despite my experience with the teaching for quite a while now it still is a mystery to me. I guess one could say that the presence of the mystery is the reason I'm a puthujjana but yeah like I don't wish to fully give up on lay life all i want to reach in this life is sotapatti. Any help would be appreciated.

I have been feeling rather demoralized lately with the practice. This is due to struggles in other areas of my life, but the path feels insurmountable while I stand here near the beginning (solid 5 precepts and celibacy, dabbling in the 8 precepts)

I wonder if I just need an attitude adjustment. Instead of seeing "this is where I'm falling short" perhaps I could see "look at how much I've already given up." What are others thoughts? Words of encouragement?

Hi everyone,

Could you please give me some advice about how to deal with heartbreak? Here is the background: My colleague treats me really kindly. The students started the rumour that he liked me. He did not deny it. Then, one day, he said he was dating someone, which broke my heart tremendously. Every day, I see him at work, and each time I get hurt really bad. I only work with him for one more month, and he is going to go back to his hometown in 2027. The thoughts of seeing him at work and not seeing him in the future anymore sadden my heart. I do not know how long I am able to heal. How can I apply Dhamma practice in my case?

Thank you very much. Sorry for my broken English.

I sometimes reflect upon the downsides of relationships, the dangers of sexuality, and so on. Sometimes, as a result of these reflections, there will be a sense of unencumberedness, a sense of the mind being more free and open, not weighed down by the stickiness, the weight, the insecurities, the desires, of it all.

I have a few questions regarding this.

1. Is this type of peace dangerous? Is it to be cultivated?

2. Is this "cheating"? In that, if this is practiced alongside of restraint, then restraint becomes easier because the mind, on occasions, will have a decreased level of thirst towards sensuality. Does this impact the training, because part of the goal of the precepts and virtue is to train the mind in regards to the pressure, not to not have pressure at all.

3. Continuing that train of thought, in general, if certain contemplations reduce the pressure, is that bad?

(Note that this is all pre-stream-entry, when one doesn't have the right reference.)

My own answer to some of these questions would be:

The purpose of these types of contemplations is to develop the right context, so that one does not act out in body, speech, or mind when one is pressured by sensuality. If these reflections lead to a temporary reduction in the pressure, or some temporary sense of freedom, that is fine, but that is not the point. Trying to decrease the pressure, or even trying to increase the pressure, is besides the point - the goal is not management, but the fundamental change in view, which means putting things in the right order, so that sensuality is first seen as dangerous and never worth engaging in.

How come the Buddha saw a sick man, an old man, and a dead man, and that was enough for him to understand everything, yet we see them every day and we still don’t get anything? Everyone knows that everything passes and everyone dies, but who actually penetrates into the discernment and responsibility of these terrifyingly banal facts? We have an overwhelming amount of information that the Buddha did not have and which the modern age fortunately brings with it, that makes it utterly impossible not to be convinced of the fact that this world is a living hell that must be abandoned and not partaken in at any cost. Take any subject from history, astronomy, or biology, for example, and contemplate what it means to exist on a rock thrown into a void, maintained by an extremely fragile atmosphere being bombarded constantly by sun rays, existing in an essentially infinite universe, or what it means for there to have been 50 million casualties in a single world war in which the entire world was almost destroyed, and which was actually not so far back in the past as well (and which is on the brink of repeating itself quite soon again). Unrest is the mark of existence itself; anything which exists, whether biological organisms or planets, exists only in an extremely fragile balance of constant changes which maintain life in the state it is in and which can be perturbed at any given time (just like how the planets would fly into the sun if they stopped their orbit). My organism maintains itself only to the extent that it can function as a subtle balance of constant transformation of substances and biological processes, of forces and counterforces which mutually negate each other, while the most microscopic change within my organism or the smallest excess in such a force would be enough to wreck the entire balance, essentially collapsing my entire existence. The most microscopic chemical change would leave me disabled and in pain, and the smallest perturbation would wreak havoc on my body for the rest of my life, not to speak of the changes occurring in the macrocosm, of massive tsunamis and volcanoes erupting all the time, in the face of which my body is merely dust. The time I have is extremely limited because a small alteration of these subtle and fragile biological processes maintaining my life as it is is doomed to happen, and is actually immanent, like a pole which is barely maintained in balance and is destined to fall at some point, and thus it is not a thing that will happen in the very far-off future anymore, but more so right in the next moment, as an ever-present structure of collapse. Dying, infirmities, injuries and suffering are absolutely inevitable.

Yet nothing in our lives is shaken up and our existences are still not utterly shipwrecked by realizations that should have done just that. Any medic who has seen a cadaver in his life should have felt himself completely isolated and exiled from the entirety of Creation itself, yet anyone would probably just go along fine with their lives, very easily managing to be conceiving these horrific facts and inauthentically "transcending" them. However, once you have gained a renewable intuition of your own nothingness and ever-present fragility, everything is irremediably lost forever and nothing can be redeemed ever again; there is nothing to look forward to except your own grave. You do not belong to anything in the entire universe anymore—family, friends, vocations, or aspirations—since you are utterly alone with your own death, which you cannot escape, and it is just there on your doorstep, immanent to every second in your life, as if one were thrown into an existential solitary confinement that cannot communicate with the external world anymore, confined in a box with very little space for breathing, from where one is utterly isolated, and from where one cannot talk to people from the outside anymore. What in this world could matter for the person who already feels as if they’re merely waiting to head to the grave at any second now and cannot return to “life” again, and who would be wise enough to substitute the “beautiful views” and “nice experiences” one gets in daily life that make it seem as if it’s worth continuing, with the extremely confining, suffocating, agonizing perspective that the meditation of death, for example, brings with it, and sitting with that perspective for the rest of one’s life as if it’s the only thing worth ever paying attention to, as the only thing that should be the source of one's peace? It is to be terrifyingly alone and confined; everything which breathes is merely a sign of one’s own ultimate uselessness and eventual destruction, as the contemplation of one’s mortality should very well be revealing. Yet our perspectives remain immensely telescoped, and we remain interested only in maintaining and protecting our very small “spaces” in the entire universe, as if they meant everything, while absolutely everything is showing how we actually nothing and are utterly insignificant. Everything is convincing me that I am nothing, yet my existence is the only one that seems to be real

How come, however, that we can understand all this, that many people in the medical domain and not only get to see these things for themselves and have probably seen more than enough things to be aware of the absolute contingency and suffering of existence itself, yet nothing is absolutely perturbed in our daily lives nor in our fundamental attitude toward the world, and everything flies past our heads? How can one stop “misconceiving” suffering, effectively externalizing it from oneself, and how does one see it for what it is (as the Buddha did in the beginning) so that an understanding of being prey to suffering can be fully uncovered? Why is it so hard to arrive at such a perspective, and how can one undo the conceivings that make suffering and impermanence not be understood, that make any attempt at reflection of one's inevitable destiny, not sink in so deeply, if at all?

Hey, so since losing the internship I previously had, I've been applying to other ones now that more jobs are coming out. Both through my university's board and externally.

I've got an software engineering interview coming up for one next Monday for a local business, which likely won't have a very technical process. I'll be competing with only 3-4 other university students. These students are looking for a job right now and chances are that's because they had no previous experience; most of the students at my unviersity have already found jobs through the program right now and started working.

Given all this, I can infer that I'll likely get accepted for the role since I have actual experience; unless I'm a culture mismatch, like I was for another gaming company. Though I doubt that'll be the case here.

The job description of the business, however, is underwhelming. I'm very sure none of the tasks will challenge me technically speaking. The business also doesn't provide software solutions primarily, so software is a secondary aspect, which means I likely won't be able to move within the business to different areas to grow technically.

But, from the dhamma point of view, this is great. Since the business isn't moving fast, especially technically, it means work life balance will likely be great. The business also seems to be looking for long-term employees given all the people working there have been there for more than 5+ years. The pay is also alright (~60k/year).

But I'm not sure whether I should prioritize the dhamma right now or later? My plan was to get a job that'd pay around 100k yearly, work for 4-5 years to save money for my family, and then ordain since I wouldn't be having this insurmountable feeling of debt to them. Of course, I'd still try my best to keep the precepts (failing right now) and be secluded within this.

If I accept this offer, and don't work on improving myself technically outside of work, it'll be fairly difficult for me to secure a better paying job in the future after graduation. But, if I do well, I can likely get a return offer there and stay for a long time, since that's what the culture there seems like.

Before, I was thinking of altogether not even interviewing for it because of how easy the work sounded and the limited opportunity it provided. But then I asked myself why I was looking for worldly growth so much? And what the limit for that growth should be? And since I wasn't able to answer them, and remembered the sutta where the Buddha was said to be the 'destroyer of worldly growth', I decided to reconsider my views on what I should be doing.

Currently, I'm thinking that if I get the offer, I'll accept it and just do open source work at the side, and study over weekends to eventually get some certifications. This way, I'll have an income with good enough work life balance to afford physical seclusion, whilst also not effectively destroying career.

But on the other hand, I have online assessments for other companies that are far more reputable, that I might be able to pass since I've been practicing for technical interviews. Getting into these would also likely give me far superior technical experience. But I'm not sure what my chances are for actually getting an offer from them right now. So pretty confused with what to do with these in the current situation.

Would appreciate any perspectives on this.

If you sit or lie down with eyes closed and just rest for long enough, eventually the thoughts begin to slow down and the mind settles on effortless awareness of the body breathing. The clarity of the mind increases significantly if you practice it regularly. I think this is how Buddha experienced jhana when he was still a kid chilling under a tree.

Does Hillside Hermitage support such meditation? In my experience it