r/AskLesbians

Hi all,

Some context: I am in a same sex relationship for the first time in my life. Before we started anything (while she was still dating said ex), she told me that if they broke up (roommate situation), she would take a long time to date again, as her ex had set the bar so high, even though she was not physically attracted to her. She also said that the ex would always be in her life and if whoever she wanted to date wasn't okay with that, she would rather be single. We began dating pretty much immediately after she broke up with the ex. It's been a year now.

I know she isn't physically attracted to her and would not do anything physically or even emotionally that constitutes 'romance' or any type of attraction with the ex. But it makes me so uncomfortable. They text nearly everyday, exchange gifts on birthdays/christmas, take their nieces out together (rarely). The ex is very much involved in family matters (they were together for 12 years), she comes over to fix stuff and handle household work as my s/o's job takes her away from home all the time. I can't label their relationship a friendship (the ex did not want the relationship to end), but I know there isn't anything I would term strictly as 'cheating' going on between them either.

This is my long winded way of asking for help on how to cope. I really want to be with this person and I want the ex to be in her life too (as a friend, I would be fine with it). The friends with an ex thing seems to be so common in the lesbian community, but I just keep judging things on what it would be like if the ex was a man - obviously there wouldn't be this level of closeness unless there's something going on right?

Advise please!

Although I’m not lesbian myself, I have some friends who are, and I support them fully. But something has been on my mind for a while. Do lesbians choose to be lesbian or is it not a choice. I’m keep on getting different answers, and I’m just super confused.

We are both 18, I am her first serious relationship and also her first sexual partner.

Little while ago, we had a talk about how she feels when I touch her body.

She said that it tickles her, or that its as if a sort of mini lightning ran through her.

So logicaly, I asked her if its pleasant, if she likes it, to which she responded that she doesnt know.

At the end we came to the conculsion that this sort of experience is relative and that she has to figure this out herself.

Have you ever experienced a similar situation?

What have you done to solve this problem?

I enjoy pleasing her, but if my touches are like tickles to her, what am i supposed to do?

Helloooo probs a bit of a stupid question and me just being a bit insecure but I wanted to ask any tops/doms out there date trans women? Ive low key found dating quite scary cus I am very much a sub and a bottom but like i am trans, so I wanted to ask what yalls opinions and interests are with trans women and like sex stuff? I low key need to get strapped but im kinda worried lol!

He estado saliendo con una chica (yo también soy chica) desde hace como una semana. Yo fui quien empezó el coqueteo y sí me gusta, pero siento que todo se está acelerando demasiado.

Ella ha empezado a tratarme como si ya fuéramos novias, cuando en realidad apenas nos estamos conociendo y no hemos hablado ni definido nada. Además, es su primera experiencia romántica, entonces entiendo que puede haber emoción o intensidad de más, pero igual me está generando ruido.

El tema es que no es solo el ritmo. Además, me está costando conectar del todo. A veces estoy con ella y me siento medio desconectada, como si no estuviera completamente presente o consciente de lo que está pasando, y eso me hace dudar bastante.

Entonces estoy en un punto raro donde sí me gusta, pero no estoy logrando enganchar emocionalmente como esperaría, y al mismo tiempo siento que ella ya está en una etapa más intensa.

No sé cómo decirle que quiero ir más despacio sin que suene a rechazo, pero tampoco sé si este tema de no conectar es algo que se puede construir con el tiempo o si es una señal de que simplemente no está ahí.

¿Alguien ha pasado por algo así? ¿Vale la pena bajar el ritmo y ver si la conexión aparece, o cuando se siente así desde el inicio es mejor no forzarlo?

Background,

I met someone through work, hit it off, hung out a few times, went on a date, I told her via text I was in to her, she said she reciprocated but due to a past relationship, doesnt date coworkers (which i think is 100% fair). We've since become great friends, hang regularly, I flirt with her a little, its a chill time.

Now, years later,

I work elsewhere, we're both single and the crush has grown again recently and Im wondering whether/when I should bring it up.

I thinks shes fantastic, she makes me feel calm and confident in a way im not used to but I cant get a good read between weather she just really likes me as a friend or if she is interested.

I will likely say something to her but we have upcoming plans away together in a group of my friends, i just dont want to make her feel uncomfortable and therefore dont know how to time it.

Give me your tipssss, im just a baby gay!

I've never dated anyone before but (!!) matched with another gal on Hinge who seems like someone I'd really like - she's also a STEM girl, and we're both from the same area despite living like 2000 miles away! I would really appreciate some advice! I've never even chatted with someone romantically before, I have social anxiety and don't really put myself out there (work in progress). I'm new to dating/relationships in general, not just with women, and I don't want her (or anyone else I might date as a newbie) to feel like an experiment.