How do you guys deal with the whole 'friends with my ex' thing?
Hi all,
Some context: I am in a same sex relationship for the first time in my life. Before we started anything (while she was still dating said ex), she told me that if they broke up (roommate situation), she would take a long time to date again, as her ex had set the bar so high, even though she was not physically attracted to her. She also said that the ex would always be in her life and if whoever she wanted to date wasn't okay with that, she would rather be single. We began dating pretty much immediately after she broke up with the ex. It's been a year now.
I know she isn't physically attracted to her and would not do anything physically or even emotionally that constitutes 'romance' or any type of attraction with the ex. But it makes me so uncomfortable. They text nearly everyday, exchange gifts on birthdays/christmas, take their nieces out together (rarely). The ex is very much involved in family matters (they were together for 12 years), she comes over to fix stuff and handle household work as my s/o's job takes her away from home all the time. I can't label their relationship a friendship (the ex did not want the relationship to end), but I know there isn't anything I would term strictly as 'cheating' going on between them either.
This is my long winded way of asking for help on how to cope. I really want to be with this person and I want the ex to be in her life too (as a friend, I would be fine with it). The friends with an ex thing seems to be so common in the lesbian community, but I just keep judging things on what it would be like if the ex was a man - obviously there wouldn't be this level of closeness unless there's something going on right?
Advise please!