r/ABCDesis

Kind of a support seeking post.

I'm almost 30. My folks are from India but I grew up outside of India all my life. I live in the US now. My sister recently got married and my folks have turned their attention towards my marriage recently.

I don't really want to go down the arranged marriage route. To be honest, I don't think marriage is in the cards for me.

I've started to overthink about what to tell my parents. I don't want to talk to the girls they find on some dumb matrimonial website. However, my parents want reasons and "I'm not interested" is not an acceptable reason. I worry they are going to end up thinking I'm some sort of incel loser or that I'm impotent.

I don't really want to answer their questions on why I don't want to get married, but sooner or later I'm going to have to. Living in an Indian society, they're bound to face questions from relatives and friends on why their son isn't married and I don't want them to feel embarrassed.

None of this will ever impact my life. I know they won't actually force me to get married. Yet, I care what my parents think and don't want them to end up feeling like they failed me in some way.

Can men who have been in my shoes share how you dealt with it?

im in a city where there is a respectable desi population but i still feel like my soulmate lives elsewhere loool. what do u guys think? would you go for someone in a different country?

What would you say some differences are between the two like personality and lifestyle differences?

So I have asked about this before but now my husband and I have had a serious chat and I would appreciate your advice please

My husband is a cardiologist im a lawyer. I’m New Zealand qualified. I own two flats over there I pay mortgage on both and rent both. My husband owns a house which we subdivided his parents live in one half us another.

I moved to the uk for my husbands career and he subdivided as I did not agree to live with his parents Now I’m at a stage where I want to move. I don’t like the neighbourhood and I want to have kids and have a larger home. We only have one bedroom on our side and a small office which we do need to keep an office due to work.

I’m stuck though. To sell my units I would have to go back to New Zealand for a period to avoid taxes and make a profit and my husband seems to think we can rent our side of the house, let his parents remain on other side rent free and then buy with the funds he remortgages but the thing is my husband pays the entire mortgage.

I think we should sell the home give his parent back what they out in after indexing its minor but it’s a start to rent something but He seems to want to keep it but I think it’s unrealistic to think we can keep this house and pay the mortgage with just the rental plus the mortgage on the other when we’re planning on having babies soon which will take me out of the workforce for a while.

I also am not willing to kill my self with this working when his parents live rent free. At the moment I didn’t have a huge issue although uncomfortable as our finances are seperate.

What’s your view on this.

He is a consultant next year but I don’t believe the salary will increase that significantly to be able to pay two mortgages predominantly and have children to maintain.

I'm a late 20s male - keeping things short I've been in tech forever and did what my parents told me to and have saved a lot of cash

But it's come at the expense of being socially awkward having very few friends and still single(I've had gfs before)

I was wondering if I should go for long world trip and party with random people but I might be too old for hostels

I wonder how to unwire this Desi nerd brain and become normal

I have to accept my uni offers in less than a week and I still haven’t even told my parents that I want to go to a different university than the one they want me to go to/think I’m going to. The university they want me to go to is local and within my city, versus the one I want to go to which is located in a different city. I tried sucking it up and going to the local uni and I hated it so much, I dropped my program within two weeks and left the school. Now I don’t want to make the same mistake of doing something I don’t want to do but I’m scared of how my parents will react to it. My parents are the very stereotypical overbearing South Asian parents who want their child to live with them till marriage. They always talk about how I’m going to live with them for a long time and that they can’t leave me alone bc they’re scared. Whatever they say, I’m probably still going to go to the university I want to bc it’s better in every metric (idk how but I’ll find a way). I just want to convince them so our relationship still exists and so they don’t try stopping me or making things complicated for me when I do leave. Please help me out 🙏

Hi folks,

You can see the story in this post, but my darling father has awful spring hayfever, and I recently started him on gingerol supplements to close the gap on the symptoms his medicines can't solve. They worked well and I'm happy ( he is also happy).

The story with my father- he is the oldest of many siblings. We are Pakistani, my siblings and I were born here in the USA. His brothers all dropped out of school and don't really work. My dad did really well in school, came to the USA for college, and now works here. My mother told me he wanted to get a job back home, maybe not in our home city of Peshawar, but in Islamabad. However, it would have been easier for him to send money home if he were paid in US dollars.

He is the definition of the over-burdened eldest son. He paid for all of his younger sisters' weddings, pays for his younger brothers' livelihoods. My youngest chachu seemed like the nicest one but he has become so greedy in recent years. His mom manipulates him to send money, and his one unmarried sister does as well. They are so greedy.

The worst part? They don't even love him or respect him. They just use him. They treat him poorly. They don't even care about him. When he visits home they are barely nice to him. I don't know why my dadi favors her other loser sons over my father. We have proof she used...sihr to achieve the level of loyalty my father has to his siblings ( my mother found this out). Ie he acts with them lovingly but they don't towards him and the sihr is why he doesn't see it.

Earlier on in my parents' marriage, my father had to pay off a large debt. It was from my grandfather's business that he gave to me second chachu, and he ran it into the ground and wracked up debt that my dad paid off. During this time my father was so stressed about paying off the debt quickly that he was seriously considering taking a weekend job, while I was like, 2 years old and my mom was a SAHM who was already sufficiently bored and disconnected being here in the USA away from her relatives. They just didn't care. They wanted more money.

Anyway. The reason these things are connected is because earlier this spring my father was suffering from an allergy related scratchy throat/rough voice/ cough. He was on the phone with his greedy sister ( one who isn't married is the one who squeezes him for money) who was asking for money, she didn't even ask if he was feeling well or why his voice was rough. She just wanted money.

I don't know. I spent time looking at remedies that can help him enjoy feeling well and they don't even care and just squeeze him for money. I don't know if this makes sense but it makes me sad. At least he has a daughter looking out for him ( my mom , too, in other ways).

Anybody have similar stories?