u/yaboythewiseman

When you regularly bite off more than you can chew, you grow to hate eating. But when you divide meals into bite sized pieces— you can eat a massive amount of food you otherwise would’ve found intolerable.

If you find yourself struggling with consistency I’d argue you actually struggle with the size of the workload you’re attempting to take on.

If you want to get fit for example you could start by running 1 mile a day and quit after 3 days ORRRR you could start just walking 1 mile each day and slowly improving your pace.

When you set tasks I’d encourage you to make sure your new habit passes the “I could do that test,” which is where it’s so small you reflexively say, “I could do that.”

If you can do it for 1 day you can do it for 30. Then after 30 days reset your goal to your new “I could do that,” level.

When I started working out for example I tried to lift 5-lb weights on the bench press and I couldn’t so I asked myself, “what about just the bar?” And I said “I could do that.” So o literally just benched the bar until I could add 5-lbs, then 10-lbs, and now I’ve been benching 50-lbs for the last 4 years. (I didn’t bother to go up after because I don’t want to get injured just to show off.)

Point being is to get fit I didn’t lift massive weights, I started with something small enough to make me say, “I could do that,” and I just did that consistently until I reached my goal.

Break your goal down until you say, “I could do that,” then just keep doing that.

Suddenly you’re disciplined.

So two days ago I flew out to the East Coast to attend my best friend’s wedding in Massachusetts right? We’re both nurses so most of the guests in attendance were in some type of healthcare. Doctors, Nurses, PT’s, RT’s, and my favorite the “how does that make you feel,” type of therapists.

After all the festivities kicked off I eventually got to talking to some of the guests hanging out by the drinks table when I got talking to an older therapist.

“Alright I gotta ask you, What’s the secret to marriage? What made yall go into therapy? Favorite books?”

And finally I blurted out, “ooooo wait wait what’s the best way to build self control??”

Then they asked me to clarify because self control could refer to anger, addiction, inaction, anything.

I said, “like what do you do when you’re lazy, or want to break an addiction or something?”

He said the answer was a lot more boring than you’d think. “Get friends with the traits you want yourself.”

Before explaining after 50+ years of study on behavioral modification the solitary best way to modify another humans actions is to plop them into a community where those actions are considered standard social behavior.

In a country where everyone smokes, everyone becomes a smoker.

In a country where everyone eats healthy, everyone adopts a healthy diet.

Whatever you want to do, if you can help it either adopt friends already doing that or if you can afford it move to a city or country where that behavior is commonplace.

He then gave me a book rec completely unrelated to self control and we went on mingling with the rest of the party.

Half of discipline boils down to knowing what to do at the time you need it. When I was getting started at it was unclear what I needed to do after waking up I simply kept asking this same question over and over?

What would a disciplined man do?

If he felt lazy? He’d probably break his goals into a step so small he could act on it immediately.

If he felt hopeless? He’d probably feel sad for a set period of time then remind himself when we evolved if we didn’t hunt, we didn’t eat— you can be sad and get up.

If he just woke up? He’d probably get cracking on his to-do list immediately they check on his phone after he earned it from a few hours of productive work.

When I regularly started asking and visualizing what a discipline man would do, then did it as a habit, I stopped asking what a discipline man was and just start asking myself because I was one.

See what a discipline man would do in your situation, then do it. Disciplined men get depressed, disciplined men feel lazy, disciplined men have the same lives as everyone else the only difference is the act differently when faced with similar circumstances so they get different results from everyone else.

If you want their rewards.

Do what they do.

I’ve noticed a strong negative correlation between how much people talk about their goals and how likely they are to actually achieve them.

When I used to tell people I was going to get a 6-pack, become rich, or find a wife I’d usually end up feeling good just talking about it and immediately excuse myself from doing the work right after.

Now I refuse to talk about my goals and instead only reveal to people the actions I’m taking for that day instead.

No more, “I’m gonna get a 6-pack,” now it’s, “yeah I gotta meal prep before I hit the gym at 11.”

It’s a lot less sexy, it’s a lot less exciting, but I find when I do this I’m compelled to finish the work I planned and then I tell them the goal once I’m done and not a second before.

Don’t tell people when you start the gym, tell em when you’ve lost 20-lbs. Don’t tell people when you start school tell em when you graduate. Celebrate the end of a war, not its beginning.