u/war_carnotaurus

Basically the title, but I will add my own experience for reference: i am 99% sure I am hsts or something similar, I was feminine/less gender conforming as a child(often mistaken for a girl),I am 100% androphilic and have never been aroused by a woman in my life even after trying for 5 years to make myself straight and fantasise about men often and all my sexual experiences have been with masculine men, most people assume I’m gay after meeting me a few times, most of my interests and stuff I like is “feminine” etc etc

But my physical appearance doesn’t match this at all. I hit puberty far harder than most boys (at 11) and by the time I was 16 I looked 25, broad, facial hair, muscular, and by the time I was 18 I looked legit 30, never been asked for id, and I was even rejected by a few guys my age for hookups because they thought I was a predator lying about my age, I didn’t really have gender dysphoria or insecurity about my body until I hit puberty and was desperate for my body to match how I felt inside which was kind gentle and into girly stuff, and I had many female friends as a child, but as a teenager no girls wanted anything to do with me and assumed I was trying to fuck them, and I didn’t really get along with boys either so I was quite lonely, I also hated my homosexuality and repeatedly tried to change it with 0 success, and around this time I got really into trans online spaces and heard about hrt, and was obsessed with getting my hands on it, combined with a history of secretly wearing women’s clothes and makeup, I convinced myself I was trans, even though I didn’t care about being gendered feminine, and didn’t view myself as being a woman or anything and from the very beginning I definitely didn’t want bottom surgery etc
I eventually started hrt a month before turning 20 and it’s been 5 months and I’m happy with it, im closeted as I’ll probably never pass without surgery, but yea I might just be an outlier but that was my experience, where did this awful stereotype come from?

On my pay day I want to cook a really delicious vegan burger. I don’t care about health with this meal and want the yummiest, most artery clogging, delicious burger, I’m not picky and am open to wild suggestions, what products would you recommend from woolies/coles? Thanks!

As long as I can remember I don’t fully chew food and just bite on it with my molars one to three times before swallowing it whole like a crocodile, I find mushy textures repulsive and will almost vomit if I chew too long, also due to this I finish meals much faster than most people.

Basically the title, I don’t really care that my birth certificate says M or my license etc and don’t plan to change my name legally, and I feel male healthcare applies more to me where necessary even though I’m on hrt etc, could any issues arise from this? Thanks!

So, a brief history of me and gender, as a child I wasn’t super obviously going to be gay/trans but didn’t fit in with other boys and preferred to play with girls and draw and hated sports and rough play, I never thought of myself as a girl or wanted to be one, I was pretty sure I was a boy and wanted to be a boy, my mum even let me grow my hair long throughout my childhood because I wanted long hair and was mistaken for a girl a lot which I didn’t really care about, and was called lots of slurs I didn’t understand(my grandad called me a “Nancy boy” and I thought it was a nice compliment lmao) and was generally pretty normal and perceived myself as a boy and never really thought about growing into a man or woman, it was simply never in my mind,(my family was only women)
The gender problems really started to manifest at puberty, because unlike most boys it hit me really hard, like I looked like a 25 year old man by the time I was 16 and 30 by the time I was 18(I have never been carded and some other teens thought I was lying about my age to be a predator ffs) and I also started to feel sexual attraction exclusively to men at around 12 and that was confusing and I thought it was unnatural and hated it and tried to force myself to be straight and cried when it didn’t work, and at like 13 I discovered online trans communities and that medical transition was even a thing, and was obsessed with it but was too scared to tell anyone (honestly now that I’m questioning I’m kinda glad I didn’t start that young).
At 15 when I got my first job I started secretly wearing women’s clothes and makeup, and was absolutely terrified of anyone finding out about it, and being seen as a “faggot”, when I was dressed up I never experienced arousal or “euphoria boner” as some describe but I just liked looking pretty and beautiful, and was never really bothered by my male voice(I never developed a gay sounding voice at all), shoulders etc, this continues to this day, and I kept my attraction to men a secret although people (mostly women for some reason) would ask if I’m gay often.
At like 17-18 I really became involved with online trans spaces and because of how my body developed I started to feel strong gender dysphoria for the first time, (I never looked youthful or twinkish or any of those trans/femboy standards) and absolutely hated my male features (I never smoked, almost never drink, wear sunscreen etc and still look way older) and I saw what hrt could do, and I fit the criteria for being trans very well, I was dead set on starting hrt before I turned 20 so I didn’t look like a hideous ogre(my dysphoria told me that) forever and so I postponed hrt out of anxiety and fear before I finally went to an informed consent doctor and got prescribed androcur and estradiol a month before turning 20 without telling the family I live with and no plans to.
It has been nearly 5 months since starting hrt and I do like it’s affects so far but I keep having occasional breakdowns about how I have basically sterilised myself and can never have children (I cried several times a week for my whole teenage years about how children were never an option because of my orientation), I had a dream last night where I had an orchiectomy and deeply regretted it, which prompted me to make this post. But I really like the affects of hrt and how it makes me look how I feel on the inside and not a big scary man who makes people feel scared, I only present male and don’t think I have the mental strength to present female as I probably won’t pass without major surgeries. Thanks, sorry for the ginormous text wall

I’m pretty sure it was but would like another opinion, It was quiet at work so I was sitting out the back drinking a cup of water in a kinda backstreet public car park near a bunch of bars and similar stuff and a group of boys who looked about 15-17 max were walking past me from the side and briefly looked at me and one said “hey darling you got a lighter”(in a tone like he was making a move) and I just responded “no” (I don’t voice train and present male in public) and after I said that he looked back and said “oh sorry mate” and seemed genuinely sorry like they did something wrong. I’m 99% sure it was a male fail or something and it kinda made my week and wanted to share it.