u/tony-9004

M40, married almost 20 years. Had two affairs. One was a one-and-done opportunistic fling. The other was a 2-year thing. For those who've done this more... what's safer? Only cheating when a discreet opportunity comes up, or carefully managing a long-term thing?

Detail:

1. Fling was on a business trip in Honolulu. Went to a bar, wasn't looking for a partner, but struck up a good convo with "Jo". She was in town for a wedding and had another bridal party member with her. The night ran along and they were clearly looking for fun during the wedding weekend. Jo went to the bathroom and her friend grabbed me and said "we're fighting over you! Which one of us are you gonna leave with?" I was shocked. But wasn't gonna miss the opportunity. When Jo got back we kissed and danced a little more and then gtfo. It was incredibly fun.
2. Longer affair started at an industry event. We had met a previous year and re-connected. Talked about frustrations in marriage, etc. Turned into an affair, where we'd see each other every 6-8 weeks. Would coordinate business trips to be in the same city. We were very careful, no emotions, etc. Was also incredibly fun... Ended after about 2 years when she got divorced and was starting dating again.

The second felt more fun... less risk of STD, more anticipation, etc. But the risk of ongoing communication, SO suspecting, etc was real. What's worked better for you?

My family loves the game Resistance, which is a Mafia-style game. It's a well-constructed game with different dynamics depending on how many players play... but the basics are the same: there's good guys and secret bad guys, and you're trying to root out the bad guys.

My family are not fighters. Rarely ever raised voices. But these games REQUIRE lying if you're a bad guy and it seems like this causes a lot of concern when someone is too good at it. We've had fights. We've had to make rules like "no swearing on your kids lives" 😳

There are now people (including my wife) who won't play. As fun as the games are the occasional blow ups just don't seem worth it.

Do y'all enjoy these games or do you find them to be more trouble than they're worth? Any tips for making them stay fun?