u/throwRA_happygirl1

My (F29) husband (M39) and I have never been monogamous, even from the beginning of our relationship. When we got married, I decided, by my own choice, to stop seeing other people, but I gave my husband permission to continue seeing others. He has always been very honest with me, and there has never been any hiding or cheating involved.

He had a few hookups over the years, but he stopped when I got pregnant with our oldest daughter. When our youngest daughter turned 3, we had a long conversation. I told him that as long as he stayed very involved as a father, fulfilled his responsibilities as a dad and husband, and kept everything balanced, he could start seeing other people again during his “me time.”

I get my own “me time” too, although mine does not involve other people romantically. It’s usually a weekend to myself, a spa day, or short trips with friends while he takes care of everything at home.

So far, this arrangement has worked very well for us and has genuinely helped both of our mental health. He has been with his ENM girlfriend for over a year now. She is childfree by choice and in her early 40s. I have met her because she wanted to make sure there was no cheating involved. She does not want a relationship with me or the kids, which honestly works perfectly for me because that is exactly what I want too. What they do in their private time is completely separate from our family life.

Here is my question: can this realistically stay private forever? Is it possible to have a separate girlfriend and sex life without the kids ever finding out? Or do kids usually find out eventually, making it better to tell them in an age appropriate way at some point?

My (F29) husband (M39) and I have never been monogamous, even from the beginning of our relationship. When we got married, I decided, by my own choice, to stop seeing other people, but I gave my husband permission to continue seeing others. He has always been very honest with me, and there has never been any hiding or cheating involved.

He had a few hookups over the years, but he stopped when I got pregnant with our oldest daughter. When our youngest daughter turned 3, we had a long conversation. I told him that as long as he stayed very involved as a father, fulfilled his responsibilities as a dad and husband, and kept everything balanced, he could start seeing other people again during his “me time.”

I get my own “me time” too, although mine does not involve other people romantically. It’s usually a weekend to myself, a spa day, or short trips with friends while he takes care of everything at home.

So far, this arrangement has worked very well for us and has genuinely helped both of our mental health. He has been with his ENM girlfriend for over a year now. She is childfree by choice and in her early 40s. I have met her because she wanted to make sure there was no cheating involved. She does not want a relationship with me or the kids, which honestly works perfectly for me because that is exactly what I want too. What they do in their private time is completely separate from our family life.

Here is my question: can this realistically stay private forever? Is it possible to have a separate girlfriend and sex life without the kids ever finding out? Or do kids usually find out eventually, making it better to tell them in an age appropriate way at some point?